Tuesday, November 25, 2014

2.23 SANTA STEVE'S NAUGHTY LIST

Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Dogs and Cats, to the 2014 edition of Santa Steve's Naughty List, the first of two year-end specials wherein we count down the best and worst newsmakers of the year. ICYMI (or, In Case You Missed It), the two naughtiest newsmakers of '13 were those jerks who turned the Boston Marathon into a nightmare and the two nicest were Miles "Batkid" Scott, who upheld law and order in San Francisco thanks to Make-A-Wish, and the late,great president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela. Who gets the coal in their stocking and a $100 donation to charity in their name, respectively, THIS year? There's only one way to find out... LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!


DISHONORABLE MENTION

STEVE

Yep, the Steve in Steve's Blog. Moi. Yo. Io. Mir. I haven't been cranking out as many blogs this year as I did this year. MY BAD! I'm going to make it up to you in 2015!

10. THE FILTHY ANIMALS

They never give up, do they? I'm surprised nobody before WNBC reporter Michael Garguilo called the Times Square costumed performers in ratty Mickey Mouse, Elmo, and Spider-Man outfits "panhandlers," but if the shoe fits! They took their case to the City Council and the politicians were, understandably, underwhelmed. Their next costume should be as normal human beings with actual jobs!

9. BILL DEBLASIO

What kind of New York City Mayor eats pizza with a knife and fork, shows up late for memorial services (and key media events), and wants to eliminate those iconic Central Park carriage horses? This guy.

8. MILEY CYRUS

Just when I thought her inner Hannah Montana had risen to the top when she allowed a homeless friend to accept her MTV Video Music Award in her name and deliver a tearjerking speech on the plight of homeless youth, it turns out this guy has been wanted in a few states and not wanted in all the rest! Add to that continued displays of outrageous behavior and your blogger has come to the inescapable conclusion: If Miles wants to escape her Disney past, she should stop acting Goofy!

7. THE NEW YORK YANKEES

They could have let Derek Jeter retire in true championship style with another World Series victory, but did they? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

6. ALL OTHER NEW YORK TEAMS, EXCEPT THE ISLANDERS

Get with the program, guys, and get some touchdowns, goals, and slam dunks! I'm talking to you, Giants, Knicks and Rangers!

5. HOWARD STERN

I love the fact that you delivered the eulogy for your friend Joan Rivers at my favorite synagogue, gorgeous Congregation Emanu-El on Fifth Avenue, but did it HAVE to be so profanity-laced, Sterno? If you can rein it in for AMERICA'S GOT TALENT, surely you can tone it down at a funeral!

4. MOTHER NATURE

Why did it have to be so dang cold this past summer and so dang warm in the last few weeks? As a citizen of Manhattan, I naturally have a preference over Buffalo, but what happened to them shouldn't happen to a dog! Go snow in somebody else's city!

3. KATHIE LEE GIFFORD

I haven't heard your TODAY show musical yet, but based on your sparkling track record with your Broadway musical based on the life of Aimee Semple McPhereson, Sondheim has NOTHING to worry about!

2. BILL COSBY

On the late, unlamented Sesame Workshop-produced health show FEELING GOOD, (Full disclosure: My cousin Bob Bendick, who also worked on TODAY, was the producer for this well-intentioned turkey.) Bill Cosby attempted to show his basketball prowess, and legendary sportscaster Howard Cosell commented,"William Henry Cosby, Junior. You call yourself a comedian. How accurate that description after that laughable excuse for a slam dunk." Equally laughable is how well Cos is attempting to  live up to his America's Dad image after recent allegations of molestation. I used to be a big fan of this guy. I saw him at Radio City Music Hall during his reign as King Of Thursday Night and at Kaufmann Astoria Studios for his shortlived Americanization of the British comedy "One Foot In The Grave," and watch his many TV projects, especially FAT ALBERT AND THE COSBY KIDS. He just eliminated any respect I still had for his extensive body of work. I can't repeat exactly what SNL Weekend Update anchor Michael Che said to Cos who has chastised African-American men on their lewd and lascivious behavior, but, at the risk of sounding racist, talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

And the absolute, WORST newsmaker of 2014 is...

THE ISLAMIC STATE OF IRAQ AND SYRIA

We WILL kick your butt!

NEXT: THE NICE LIST!

Steve


Steve's Mega- Movie Blog

HOW TO BUILD A BETTER BOY

While Disney may have invented many entertainment types we now take for granted, it can't claim credit for the TV movie, but in instances such as HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 1 and 2, CADET KELLY, JUMP IN!, and ZENON: GIRL OF THE 23RD CENTURY and its "zequel," it certainly perfected it. Add to this roster HOW TO BUILD A BETTER BOY, a teen comedy/action drama starring Kelli Berglund, no stranger to this genre, as Mae Hartley,the daughter of a video game designer (Or so she's been told!), and China Anne McClain as her bestie, Gabby Harrison. As our story begins, Mae tries to make Jaden Stark (Noah Centineo), the star QB, love math as much as he does football, but she does NOT...GO...ALL..THE...WAY! That night, Mae and Gabby hack into Dad's equipment. They THINK they're creating the perfect virtual video game boyfriend, but little did they know that Dear Old Dad actually works for THE PENTAGON and their Mr. Right is actually THE PROTOTYPE OF A SERIES OF SUPER SOLDIER ROBOTS! Kelli brings her expertise from Disney XD's LAB RATS wherin she plays Bree Davenport, one of a family of bionic heroes who just HAPPEN to live in the basement of an average American boy  and his reporter mom, and while she and China (A.N.T FARM, short for "Advanced Natural Talent") are clearly the central characters as is Albert, the Better Boy, (Marshall Williams), Ieva Lucs steals the show as Major Jenks, a love-starved soldier who never went to a prom and must live vicariously through Mae. While Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door, " the Mouse is clearly building better movies, especially HOW TO BUILD A BETTER BOY. See if your cable company has the WATCH DISNEY CHANNEL app or see if you can get Disney Channel On Demand, but SEE IT! (BTW, China's vocal talents are on display on A.N.T. FARM, but check out Marshall and Kelli's duet on fellow Disney star Selena Gomez' "Love You Like A Love Song.")

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014)

I'm not going to use the derogatory terms associated with two certain Disney characters to describe this attempted reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action franchise, but they certainly apply. Those who paid close attention to the last three live-action TMNT movies may recall that the boys were actually animated by Jim Henson's Creature Shop, and anybody who remembers the man knows that anything attatched to his name has to meet certain standards of quality. This "cowa-bummer" misses those standards by a country mile and is a pizza...nuff said.

BIRDMAN

Don't believe the hype. It should be called Bird Poop.

BIG HERO 6

DO believe the hype on this one! This Disney delight takes this parody of/tribute to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and other Japanese super heroes (based on the Marvel comic SUNFIRE AND BIG HERO 6 by Steven T. Seagle and Duncan Roleau) to new heights! Inventor Hiro, loose cannon Go Go, Valley Girl Honey Lemon,comic relief Wasabi, slacker Fred, and robot Baymax combine to fight evil in the hybrid future town of San Fransokyo and gain the super power of friendship. Big Hero is a big hit!

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU

If you find this alleged dramedy starring Tina Fey and Connie Britton (NASHVILLE) among others, leave it.

ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE,HORRIBLE,NO GOOD,VERY BAD DAY

This wonderful, beautiful, not bad, very good adaptation of Judith Viorst's picture book is a laugh riot from opening credits to end titles, although it DOES dwell heavily on our hero's planned departure to Australia. (Some days I can't say I blame him!) Jennifer Garner and Steve Carrell steal the show as Mom and Dad, Disney Legend Dick Van Dyke puts in a great performance trying to read a kids' book which has endured a major printing error, and SHAKE IT UP! cutie Bella Thorne lives up to her name as a stood-up prom queen. Kudos to the Jim Henson Company and Shawn Levy on a fantastic,fabulous,no worries, totally awesome movie.

OVER THE GARDEN WALL

This recent Cartoon Network mini-series aspires to be the offbeat kind of fantasy adventure one expects from the home of ADVENTURE TIME, STEVEN UNIVERSE, UNCLE GRANDPA, and REGULAR SHOW, but stops just short. It IS worth a download from Netflix or Amazon just for the sake of curiosity.
SPOILER ALERT: It originally aired just after Halloween 2014 and the last chapter is set at a Halloween party. Let that inform your decision to download or not.

NEXT: Santa Steve's Naughty and Nice Lists!

Happy Thanksgiving, Buckaroos!
Steve