Wednesday, July 3, 2013

We Interrupt This Holiday...

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the news never takes the holiday off, so, it is against my better judgement that I report to you live from Hershey Lodge in beautiful Hershey,PA and present this post-Silver Anniversary (No.26) edition of Steve's Blog.

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN...AND KEEP WALKING...AND DON'T COME BACK!

The tribe has spoken, Egyptian President Morsi has been kicked out by the Military. And, honestly, who can blame them? The economy over there stinks, tourism (a key industry) is down, he wants the Egyptians to take radical Islam more seriously,they should have remembered the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!" At least he didn't change his title from President to Pharoah, I remember the last time they had one of those...Oy! I just hope the Egyptian people choose their next leader a BIT more wisely!

DID VLADIMIR READ MY BLOG?

I don't know whether it's because he read my Open Letter to the Russian People or because he's just a smart guy, but Russian President Vladimir Putin would only grant Edward Snowbum...I mean, SNOWDEN, citizenship IF he ceased his anti-American, make that, anti-LOGICAL HUMAN BEINGS activity. Well played, Comrade Putin!

And now, it's time for a new feature I like to call...

KNUCKLEHEADS IN THE NEWS!

Here in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, they're famous for town names like Intercourse and Blue Ball,but Lancaster County took that to somewhat oderifierous extremes when they unintentionally changed the spelling of the town of Ephrata to (Wait for it, wait for it) EPHARTA! PennDOT (the Department of Transportation) DID change it before they got into any more deep doo-doo! (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

Well, that's enough Number 2 from me, I'll just close this, and let you go back to having the Happiest of Fourth of Julies, and remember all those brave folks who gave their lives so we could live ours in freedom.

See you on the 6th!

Bye, Buckaroos!
Steve



Monday, July 1, 2013

Just One More Thing (Actually Three)

I KNOW I was going to hang up the old blogger's hat for a week, but there are three things I couldn't let go:

1) WHY have I lost the UK,Mexico,Denmark,  Indonesia AND  South Korea? Was it my last post? I didn't know the UK was so danged sensitive about the Fourth of July. I thought we were bestest best buds! Wo'  hoppen? Mexico, lo siento for that thing about Montezuma's revenge, I was trying to be FUNNY, get a sensahumor for Pete's sake! And you, Denmark,did you leave the blog because I called the originally generic Little Mermaid Ariel? I thought you'd appreciate the influx of visitors to the Mermaid statue in Copenhagen! We do and do and do for you guys, and THIS is how you pay us back?!? And as for YOU, Indonesia, did you even HEAR me ask, "Where's Donesia? If it's IN Donesia, where's Donesia?" And,South Korea, what did I ever do to YOU?!? I LOVE Psy, even if his fame clock IS at 14:59!(In a somewhat related development, I've found out China was reading this blog for some of the past month. I WAS going to complement them on giving me incentive to walk through the streets of Manhattan when they were closed to traffic the same week of the Olympic Marathon when everybody was running through the streets of Beijing.
Oh,well, that ship has sailed.) I'm still worried about Canada, if that Canada Day tribute didn't get them back, (sigh) nothing else will.

2) Speaking of things I should know, I know  I should be sensitive to the good people of Phoenix, AZ who are dealing with those wildfires, but YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOT! IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT, MOVE TO GREENLAND!

3) If anybody finds the REAL New York Yankees, could they please return them to One East 161st Street in the Bronx? The impostors playing there dropped another game to Baltimore and are dangerously close to LAST PLACE!

NOW I can go on my merry way! See you on July 6, barring any MORE unseen circumstances!

Have a Glorious Fourth!
Steve

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Gone Fishin'!

Well, ladles and jelly-pickles,after twenty-three mildly magnificent blogs, (actually twenty-two blogs and one mini-blog, but who's counting?)the time has come.

Effective immediately, Steve's Blog takes a well-needed week for some R&R. I'll be taking my Fourth of July long weekend in the beautiful Hershey-Harrisburg area of Pennsylvania. Unlike some people  who like to fire up the old grill and hit the pool on the Fourth, I  like to devote my Independence Day vaycays to the people and things that made us the great nation we are. Yes, O Non-Believers, I still think we are a great nation! Despite what might be happening on our streets and with people such as MR. Snowden, America remains  the strongest, freest, safest nation on Earth. We may have taken our lumps, but we always come back swinging, and nobody, not Osama, not Snowden, not Hussein, not Hitler, not Borat (I STILL refuse to dignify the surviving Boston bomber by giving his real name!) can take that away!

OK, as I was saying, I've been to Walt Disney World, named for the father of the theme park,Salem,MA, the site of the notorious Witch Trials, witch, I mean, WHICH may have been the low point of our colonial history,and Colonial Williamsburg,where "historical interpeters" present a well-researched portrayl of life in one of America's first capitals. (I also visited Jamestown, the first settlement in North America, where Captain John Smith was rescued by Pocahantas. I saw HER interpeter at WDW the year before, but,understandably, she was more similar to the Disney movie than than how the real-life Pocahantas may have acted.) This year, I'm  going to Harrisburg, which is celebrating the 150th anniversary of the Civil War (or War Between The States,if you prefer), and Hershey, founded by the man who made chocolate available to the great multitude.On my bucket list are Cooperstown, NY, home of the National Baseball Hall of Fame,
Canton, OH, home of the Football Hall of Fame, and Cleveland, home of the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame.Sure beats grilling!

Now it's time to say goodbye to all our followers, but, America, Russia,Denmark,Germany,Mexico,Britain and Holland,(Come on back, Canada!) let not thy heart be troubled, I SHALL RETURN on July 6 with a complete report, BUT if something REALLY important happens, I'll break in with a special blog.

Thank you Bettijane Eisenpreis, (What's a little nepotism between friends, huh?) Nicole Vranzian, Gretchen Muller for your support these first three months and thank the rest of you for reading. As a great Mouse once said, "Seeya real soon!" (Thank you, too, Google, for having a sensahumor about my little asides!)

On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer leaving you with the immortal words of George Washington after he removed his wooden teeth: "Mmmmmmph! Mmmmmmph! Mmmmmmmmmph!"

Bye Buckaroos!
Steve

Friday, June 28, 2013

O, Canada! (A very-thinly veiled attempt to get Canada to start reading this blog again!)

I've noticed that Canada has stopped reading this blog. I have one very important question for every Canadian man, woman, boy and girl (and the occasional wolverine, and I don't mean Hugh Jackman!)who has decided that (A) the two live trials (B) WORLD WAR Z and (C) watching a rock move are way more exciting than reading what they perceive to be the most boring blog since THE OFFICIAL WEB LOG OF THE IRVING FORBUSH MARCHING AND CHOWDER CLUB BAND, (a little in-joke to see if any long-time Marvel fans are reading) and that question is...WHY?

To get Canada back on the Steve's Blog bandwagon, and in honour of the 148th anniversary of the Dominion of Canada, I proudly present STEVE'S TRIBUTE TO CANADA!

How do I best describe Canada?  I could take the side of the parents of South Park and BLAME CANADA for Celine Dion, Drake,"Degrassi," and those cut-rate summer shows on ABC, but I've come to praise Canada, not to blame it.

Canada is a unique blend of American, British, and French influences, (Where else can you hear a hoe-down in French?)welcoming visitors and immigrants alike, and reveling in its aboriginal cultures.

While we Americans  and our Canadian neighbours may agree to disagree on which teams are the best, (I still think the Rangers can beat the Leafs,  Canucks,Jets, and Canadiens COMBINED!)we all agree the world would be a sadder place without William Shatner, Martin Short, Mike Myers,Andrea Martin, Alan Thicke,Wayne and Shuster,Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas, or, as they're better known,Doug and Bob McKenzie,Margot Kidder, ("Got me? Who's got YOU?!?"), and especially the late,great Gilda Radner. What song could possibly replace  Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" for moral uplift or Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" as a Saturday night get-up-and-dance anthem.

New York has the Empire State Building, London has Big Ben, and Toronto has the CN Tower. Although its namesake, the Canadian National Railroad, is out of business, the CN Tower remains the world's largest free-standing structure and as much a part of Canada as bacon,snow-capped mountains,and Harvey's pulled pork burgers.

All  kidding aside, Canada has been long regarded as one of the most democratic countries in the world with a human rights record that has been recognised by the UN and the home of many UNESCO World Heratige
sites.

While there have been many disagreements between Canada and the USA in the past, (Remember that little argument in 1812?) we remain allies and business partners, even though we may disagree about who's buying and whether they're buying Molsons or Buds as we watch the Yanks playing the Jays at Rogers Centre. O,Canada, we may not always understand you, but should something of 9-11 proportions arise, we WILL stand on guard for thee.

Happy Canada Day!

Bye, Buckaroos,eh?
Steve


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Chicago,Chicago,That Stanley Cup Town!

WOW! After what has to be the most serious post in the history of this blog, it sure feels good to go back to talking sports!

Just as the Bruins proved themselves to be the better team against my beloved Rangers, so  did the Chicago Blackhawks prove themselves to be a better goal-scoring machine last night at the TD Garden in Boston, as they won the Stanley Cup! (C'mon, Bruins, SEVENTEEN FRICKIN' SECONDS?!?!? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!?)

I have had the pleasure to visit the Windy City three times (the first time was a layover from Albuquerque), and, friends, Chi-Town is one place is where you never run out of things to do unless you want to, and why would you want to do a silly thing like THAT?!? I attended the 1989 Chicago National Hockey League Booster Club Convention, and I had the pleasure to meet the Blackhawks Booster Club. They took us to dinner theatre where we saw the British musical "Matador," the legendary Second City comedy troupe, (where I saw a young Chris Farley)the friendly confines of Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs, the South Side home of the rival White Sox  now referred to as US Cellular Field, and, of course, the Madhouse
on Madison, the United Center, the home of the Blackhawks, and the team that put Michael Jordan on the map, the Chicago Bulls.

On my own time, I saw Oprah at her very best, (The topic  of the show I saw is  inappropriate for a family blog.) did some shopping on the Magnificent Mile, and had lunch at one of two unique McDonald's franchises, (Mickey D's is headquarted in nearby Oak Brook.) this one themed around 1950's pop culture.
It goes without saying, Chicago is  one city worth seeing, and this Stanley Cup couldn't happen to a nicer city! (I just wish it happened to NEW YORK!)

Congratulations, Hawks! You're my kind of team in my kind of town! (Enjoy it while you can, 'cause next year, the Cup is returning to that OTHER town Sinatra made famous, I refer, of course, to NEW YORK, NEW YORK,NEW YORK!)

Again,congrats Hawks, and a special shout-out to WLS-FM, True Oldies 94.7! (May you never run out of Chi-Lites or Chicago (the group) classics!)

Bye, Buckaroos!
Steve

An Open Letter to the People of Russia

Zdravstvuy, Rossiya. (Hello, Russia.)

Needless to say, I would like to thank your country for having the most pageviews  of  this fine blog of any country outside the United States, and, as you know,I  try to keep it light around here, shooting my mouth off
about sports, entertainment, anything that floats my boat, but mostly leaving politics to the pundits.

Well, every rule has an exception, and welcome to the exception.

While the relationship between Russia and the USA  is nowhere as amicable as our relationship with the United Kingdom, for example,our relationship is still very important. Kruschev's threats against us, as well as the entire Soviet war machine he represented, are nothing but memories, and  many prominent US brands have set up shop in  your country. You have been an important ally in the War On Terror, and we have,  in the words of President Reagan, "met on the playing field and not on the battle field." The fact that we have cooperated on so much since the collapse of the USSR makes your President's meeting with NSA traitor Edward Snowden , and your Government's apparent refusal to comply with extradition demands,that more shocking.

As an American, I believe in freedom and the right to go about my business as I see fit as long as it fits within the parameters of the law, and if I have to sacrifice some of that freedom in the name of security, so be it. What Mr. Snowden did is inexcusable, and a threat to our freedom. I cannot bring myself to call his accomplices, Glenn Greenwald or Julian Assange,journalists. "Mouthpieces," "lackeys," and "apologists" are the terms that more swiftly come to mind, and Mr. Assange's WikiLeaks basically screams, although in not so many words,"Hey, Mr. Terrorist! Here's all the information you need!"

Dear Russian Comrades, you may take these words as the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind or you may take them as the words of an old stick-in-the-mud still trapped in the Red-Under-The-Bed paranoia of the past,but I prefer you take them as the words of one friend concerned about the well-being of another.I have
believed in the betterment of US-Russia relationships since the first Goodwill Games in 1986,and I look forward to the Winter Olympics in Sochi,but when a valuable ally such as Russia provides aid and comfort to
someone such as Edward Snowden, that just can't be tolerated. He should be returned as quickly as possible to American soil, and he  should get everything he deserves, on  his way to the un-nameable place where, I'm sure, he'll meet Benedict Arnold,  and they'll have a lot to talk about.

Usually, in some flippant fashion, I will issue a disclaimer about management's (in this case, Google) agreement with my opinions,but, this time, I believe I speak on behalf of all freedom-loving American people who cannot abide Mr. Snowden's totally un-American attitude, or Russia's total lack of cooperation. I have long admired Russia's contributions to music,drama, and sport, but, my, Russian friends, I urge you to write Mr. Putin and tell him to return Mr. Snowden to us and stop coddling him as if he were a harmless baby, or,
as one of our American soul classics, goes, "Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."

Spasiba i dosvidanya,(Thank you and goodbye.)
Steve

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Hello,Britain!

Thanks for joining the ever-growing Steve's Blog family! My friends over on this side of the pond may know me as a Yankees, Rangers, Knicks, and Giants fan, but, as of right now, I'm a Man City supporter. I look forward to a long and fruitful alliance between the Sky Blues and my beloved Pinstripes.

Did any of you notice my allusion to "Summer Holiday" in one of my earlier posts? I thought that was one of the best rock movies EVER! My favourite scene was when that poor bloke mixed the Greek words for "bread" and "bride!" And of course, Cliff Richard provided some of his best vocals, bar none! My favourite songs in the whole movie were the title, "Big News," and that waltz, once I think of the title again, I will let you know.

I would like to apologise in advance for missing One Direction at Hersheypark Stadium on 5 July, but baseball and the Fourth long weekend, it's an American thing, you know.I WILL be going to see the Harrisburg Senators that night. Hope you understand.

Anyway, I share your excitement about Princess Kate. Hope the new girl turns out to be the spitting image of
her Mum!

Congratulations to Simon Cowell and THE X-FACTOR! Your recent alum, Olly Murrs, is really burning up the charts with "Troublemaker!" I wish our Idol and Voice winners had that kind of success!

Well, ladies and chaps, that puts the wraps on another mind-boggling edition of Steve's Blog (I know it ain't Shakespeare, Keats or Byron, but at least I like it!), but I'll see you before my hols, so keep enjoying your summer and...

...Cheerio!
Stve