The narrator at the beginning of Walt Disney's classic animated adaptation of the beloved children's favorite PETER PAN says, "All this has happened before, and it will happen again."
But why did it have to happen in such a barely watchable mish-mosh as Joe Wright's PAN-worthy version, which turned out to be a monumental em-Barrie's-ment? Levi Miller does his best to provide a believable portrayal of the Boy Who Never Grew Up, but it gets swallowed up by Hugh Jackman's ridiculous Blackbeard, Rooney Mara's all-too-politically-correct Tiger Lily, and Garrett Hedlund as Captain Hook in name only. (He reminds me more of Indiana Jones, and why didn't the Crocodile already bite his hand off? He should be called Captain Hand.) For reasons that defy all logic, this movie, supposedly set during the London Blitz, features Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and New York's own Ramones' classic "Blitzkrieg Bop," as well as some other music which sounds nothing like "I Gotta Crow" from the Broadway, and later, TV show (Joe Wright is the stupidest fellow 'twas never my fortune to know.) or "You Can Fly" from the Disney classic. SPOILER ALERT: That IS a wig Jackman is wearing during most of the movie, and Peter, who starts the movie in an orphanage, IS reunited with his mother (Amanda Seyfried, and her character's named Mary. How's THAT for chutzpah?)
If I had just a few dollars in my pocket and I could either see this movie, or HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2, or get a sandwich, I'd head right for the HOTEL.
This CGI animated howl, just in time for Halloween, stars Adam Sandler as Dracula, manager of a hotel for retired monsters which has since started welcoming humans. In the original, Jonathan, the hotel's first human patron (Andy Samberg) fell in love with Drac's daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez, and yes, Selanators, she sings in this one. She tries to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," but ends up singing the vampire version, "Suffer, Suffer Scream In Pain" with Dear Old Dad.) and they threw their doors open to the human population. In this second stanza, Mavis and Jonathan marry and introduce their half-human bundle of joy, Dennis (or as the Count calls him, "Dennisovich"), but Dennis can't turn into a bat and his ideas of what a monster is are informed by a Barney-like creature on the TV. Can Drac and his friends help Dennisovich channel his inner vampire? The answer, along with top quality voices by David Spade, Kevin James, Dana Carvey, the real-life husband and wife team of Nick Offerman ("Parks and Rec") and Megan Mullaley,Key-Michael Keegan ("Key and Peele"), girl group Fifth Harmony, and VERY special guest star Mel Brooks, and some cute monster kid voices from Adam's real-life kids, await you in this family-friendly fright fest that DOESN'T bite or suck. Enjoy your stay, and Happy Halloween!
OH, BY THE WAY...
The Mets swept the Cubs in the National League Series and await the winner of the Toronto-Kansas City American League Series. LET'S GO METS!
Steve out! LET'S GET SOME RUNS!
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