Yesterday, my mother Bettijane L. Eisenpreis started feeling poorly and saw our new family doctor, Mark Nechiamie in the Murray Hill neighborhood of Manhattan, and was informed that the primary cause was high blood pressure, but, fortunately, cancer and a heart attack were ruled out and she had to curtail many of her activities.
Now, I know, somebody in London, Paris, or Mexico City, or one of the various other locales where this fine blog is enjoyed, is just going to close the window and forget (s)he ever saw these incoherent ramblings, but as you know, George H.W. and Barbara Bush, John McCain, and Stan Lee have passed in the past few months and weeks and today, Broadway legend Carol Channing, after nearly 100 years, has also left this mortal coil, but that had me a bit worried.
To be perfectly honest, I DON'T THINK THIS IS BETTIJANE'S TIME TO GO! I know, nobody lives forever, but with so many people who have made a difference either in the history of the planet or in my life, "doing the flat wave at Stiff Stadium," I think there should be people to hang around, keep on keeping on, and showing the rest of us young whipper-snappers how it should be done.
I don't care who outside our little circle of friends reads this blog, but Bettijane, GET WELL IMMEDIATELY, IF NOT SOONER, and I hope you keep going and going into the next century.
The rest of you, if this sounds like, to quote Mel Brooks, "the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind," my sincerest apologies, but I DO love my mother! I may not always agree with her, and she may not approve of all my decisions, but she IS a fifty-fifty partner in my creation, we HAVE had a great time on our various vacations, and she DID turn me on to Shakespeare and opera, and I thank her for that.
To reiterate, I hope she gets back to 100% ASAP, and that she keeps kicking posterior and taking names.
Thank you, Bettijane, for everything you do, and thank you, all you non-Bettijanes, for reading, and here's wishing ALL of you a happy and HEALTHY New Year.
SLE
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
Monday, January 7, 2019
Welcome Back, My Friends To The Show That Never Ends!
1. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
2. OOPS!
Number One is self-explanatory, other than I wish all the best for you and your friends and loved ones, but, as for Number Two, I was trying to create my Nice List and write a tribute to my fellow Steve Stephen Hillenburg who created SpongeBob Square Pants and talk about the absorbent, yellow,porous resident of a pineapple under the sea as a beloved character when I ran up against a whole article about people on both sides of the political aisle who weren't exactly fans of SB and his friends Patrick, Sandy, Larry, his boss Mr. Krabs, and his long-suffering neighbor Squidward, so I kinda got, to sanitize a Yiddish expression, "fertootzed," and the whole thing kinda fell apart. Long story short, my other nice people were Mickey Mouse, (90 years old and still the Leader of the Club!)
my Nicest Newsmaker of 2015, the late, great Stan Lee, Senator John McCain, and my Number Two and Number One respectively, Barbara Pierce Bush and her husband, the 41st President of these United States, George Herbert Walker Bush, who took his responsibilities as Commander-In-Chief seriously but never himself. Needless to say, this blog will make substantial donations to Reading Is Fundamental and the Points of Light Foundation to make sure the H.W. Bush legacy endures. (I didn't forget about Penny Marshall, Neil Simon, or the more recently departed Bob Einstein, Daryl "The Captain" Dragon, or the greatest wrestling commentator ever to step into the squared circle, Mean Gene Okerlund.)
You've all heard of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, (The live musical, the animated special, and the live-action Jim Carrey movie were all better than the CGI disaster featuring Benedict Cumberbatch, who does a WAY better job as Dr. STEPHEN Strange and Sherlock Holmes!) but have you heard about the Planet that stole New Year's Eve? Planet Fitness, the alleged gym that calls itself the Judgement-Free Zone but only succeeds in making millenials' wallets $10 (a month) thinner,sponsored this year's rain-soaked festivities in Times Square which involved, among other bizarre publicity stunts, getting former Playboy Playmate Jenny McCarthy Wahlberg (as in husband Donnie) on one of their purple exercise bikes on national TV (Playboy vets Debbie Harry, Susan Sullivan,Kathryn Leigh Scott, B.J. Ward, and oh,yes, even Gloria Steinem, have more talent in their respective pinkies than Jenny Mac has in her entire body!), and handing out ridiculous top hats with their obnoxious logo. Oh for the days when Sony was the major sponsor of the Times Square NYE festivities!
Instead of getting soaked and falling victim to Planet F's propaganda, I spent NYE at the Hulu Theater at Madison Square Garden seeing the Professional Fighters League, a competitor to the more established Ultimate Fighting Championships. Before you go and call PFL trash sports ala the WWE, this is a promotion that really cares equally about its talent AND audience. The PFL combatants fought for a $1,000,000 payday, and they all talked about using the purse to create a better life. You can't aim any higher than that!
One show you should check out before it goes on season hiatus is RETURN TO AMISH on TLC this Sunday at 10 PM Eastern/7 PM Pacific. In case you've been hiding out in a cave (or,well, you're Amish) this show is a continuation of the BREAKING AMISH franchise, which began in 2012 with a look at five Amish and Mennonite young adults leaving their sheltered lives to explore the Big Apple. This show has been compared to the rite of Rumspriga wherein Amish youngsters go out into the "English" (short for "Englischer") world, and decide whether they want to assimilate into OUR world or remain in theirs, but while Rumspriga is a temporary period, BREAKING AMISH traced its participants for six months. In the latest iteration, Jeremiah from the early seasons, his wife Carmela, and a few Amish matriarchs go on a road trip with adopted Mennonites Lowell, LaShell (Shelly) and Dawn. Long story short, Lowell, Shelly and Dawn have decided to ditch the ancient outfits and join the 21st Century, but their announcements haven't been exactly received enthusiastically. This week's season finale brings it all to an uncovered head with a wedding, a BIIIIG announcement concerning Lowell's (still Amish) fiance and mother of his upcoming children, and more surprises than you can shake a hoe at (I said H-O-E.), and don't be surprised if TLC follows it up with its "postgame" show "The Shunning Truth." Sometimes THOSE shows are more exciting than the regular season!
I have also been to the Metropolitan Opera AND the Professional Bull Riders tour at Madison Square Garden. And how has YOUR year been going?
Well, as my one-time buddy Keith Olbermann once said, "I've done all the damage I can do," so I'll close the door on this first blog of the New Year and wish you all the best in the coming year.
In the words of Billy Joel, "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, and I'm afraid we're at goodbye again," soooo...
...Buh-Bye!
Steve
2. OOPS!
Number One is self-explanatory, other than I wish all the best for you and your friends and loved ones, but, as for Number Two, I was trying to create my Nice List and write a tribute to my fellow Steve Stephen Hillenburg who created SpongeBob Square Pants and talk about the absorbent, yellow,porous resident of a pineapple under the sea as a beloved character when I ran up against a whole article about people on both sides of the political aisle who weren't exactly fans of SB and his friends Patrick, Sandy, Larry, his boss Mr. Krabs, and his long-suffering neighbor Squidward, so I kinda got, to sanitize a Yiddish expression, "fertootzed," and the whole thing kinda fell apart. Long story short, my other nice people were Mickey Mouse, (90 years old and still the Leader of the Club!)
my Nicest Newsmaker of 2015, the late, great Stan Lee, Senator John McCain, and my Number Two and Number One respectively, Barbara Pierce Bush and her husband, the 41st President of these United States, George Herbert Walker Bush, who took his responsibilities as Commander-In-Chief seriously but never himself. Needless to say, this blog will make substantial donations to Reading Is Fundamental and the Points of Light Foundation to make sure the H.W. Bush legacy endures. (I didn't forget about Penny Marshall, Neil Simon, or the more recently departed Bob Einstein, Daryl "The Captain" Dragon, or the greatest wrestling commentator ever to step into the squared circle, Mean Gene Okerlund.)
You've all heard of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, (The live musical, the animated special, and the live-action Jim Carrey movie were all better than the CGI disaster featuring Benedict Cumberbatch, who does a WAY better job as Dr. STEPHEN Strange and Sherlock Holmes!) but have you heard about the Planet that stole New Year's Eve? Planet Fitness, the alleged gym that calls itself the Judgement-Free Zone but only succeeds in making millenials' wallets $10 (a month) thinner,sponsored this year's rain-soaked festivities in Times Square which involved, among other bizarre publicity stunts, getting former Playboy Playmate Jenny McCarthy Wahlberg (as in husband Donnie) on one of their purple exercise bikes on national TV (Playboy vets Debbie Harry, Susan Sullivan,Kathryn Leigh Scott, B.J. Ward, and oh,yes, even Gloria Steinem, have more talent in their respective pinkies than Jenny Mac has in her entire body!), and handing out ridiculous top hats with their obnoxious logo. Oh for the days when Sony was the major sponsor of the Times Square NYE festivities!
Instead of getting soaked and falling victim to Planet F's propaganda, I spent NYE at the Hulu Theater at Madison Square Garden seeing the Professional Fighters League, a competitor to the more established Ultimate Fighting Championships. Before you go and call PFL trash sports ala the WWE, this is a promotion that really cares equally about its talent AND audience. The PFL combatants fought for a $1,000,000 payday, and they all talked about using the purse to create a better life. You can't aim any higher than that!
One show you should check out before it goes on season hiatus is RETURN TO AMISH on TLC this Sunday at 10 PM Eastern/7 PM Pacific. In case you've been hiding out in a cave (or,well, you're Amish) this show is a continuation of the BREAKING AMISH franchise, which began in 2012 with a look at five Amish and Mennonite young adults leaving their sheltered lives to explore the Big Apple. This show has been compared to the rite of Rumspriga wherein Amish youngsters go out into the "English" (short for "Englischer") world, and decide whether they want to assimilate into OUR world or remain in theirs, but while Rumspriga is a temporary period, BREAKING AMISH traced its participants for six months. In the latest iteration, Jeremiah from the early seasons, his wife Carmela, and a few Amish matriarchs go on a road trip with adopted Mennonites Lowell, LaShell (Shelly) and Dawn. Long story short, Lowell, Shelly and Dawn have decided to ditch the ancient outfits and join the 21st Century, but their announcements haven't been exactly received enthusiastically. This week's season finale brings it all to an uncovered head with a wedding, a BIIIIG announcement concerning Lowell's (still Amish) fiance and mother of his upcoming children, and more surprises than you can shake a hoe at (I said H-O-E.), and don't be surprised if TLC follows it up with its "postgame" show "The Shunning Truth." Sometimes THOSE shows are more exciting than the regular season!
I have also been to the Metropolitan Opera AND the Professional Bull Riders tour at Madison Square Garden. And how has YOUR year been going?
Well, as my one-time buddy Keith Olbermann once said, "I've done all the damage I can do," so I'll close the door on this first blog of the New Year and wish you all the best in the coming year.
In the words of Billy Joel, "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, and I'm afraid we're at goodbye again," soooo...
...Buh-Bye!
Steve
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Santa Steve's Naughty List
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Santa Steve's Naughty List, the first of two year-end specials that count down the best and worst newsmakers of 2018. Last year, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and their real-life fairy tale exemplified the best of humanity and super sicko Charles Manson, well, anybody with HIS twisted track record doesn't exactly desire a standing ovation but DOES certainly deserve the dishonor of being named our Naughtiest Newsmaker. Which newsmaker has the holiday spirit and whose heart is two sizes too small? There's only one way to find out: Let the countdown begin!
10. MEGYN KELLY
You can't teach an old Fox new tricks! Although she tried and tried and TRIED (Boy, could she be trying!) to break with her Fair (?) and Balanced (?) past with the third hour of TODAY, she kept falling back on her old ways, by asking a WILL AND GRACE fan if the Platonic Pair made him go gay, criticizing Jane Fonda for her looks on the air, and being a general pain in the caboose, but the straw that broke the camel's back came when she defended Real New York Housewife Luann deLesseps for her decision to dress up at Halloween as Diana Ross in blackface. Without giving it a single thought, NBC News bought Megyn out of her contract and gave the third hour to Craig Melvin, Al Roker, Jenna Bush Hager and Dylan Dreyer. (As one of their first acts, Al and Dylan celebrated Halloween as, respectively, Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly from the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies, complete with the original DeLorean. Obviously, Megyn, THEY'VE heard of the willing suspension of disbelief YOU have a LOT of catching up to do.) Foxonian thought on one of the mainstream networks? This is so NOT TODAY on NBC!
9. CRAIG CARTON
I had the pleasure to meet Carton, Boomer Esiason's sidekick on WFAN's morning show when the former Jets QB hosted a street fair to benefit his foundation to combat childhood cystic fibrosis, but this was BEFORE he was arrested for securities fraud, Craigy, I hardly knew ye.
8. MIKE FRANCESA
Staying on WFAN, I name for shame a one-time living legend of sports radio who should be benched for life. Not only has he dedicated his afternoon gab fest to bullying anything that moves and plays sports, but he also refused to shed a single tear for the passing of Marvel Mastermind (and 2015 Nicest Newsmaker) Stan Lee, AND he's also known NOT to play well with other FAN personalities AND dedicate a majority of his program to promoting his premium app, which basically is a rehash of a radio show you can listen to for the incredible low price of FREE. When he did MIKE AND THE MAD DOG with Christopher Russo, I always thought he was the good cop and Dog was the bad. Francesa, you have the right to remain silent. SERIOUSLY!
7. RUDOLPH GIULIANI
Once upon a time, he was America's Mayor, saving New York City from ruin, uniting the country on 9/11, and sending the bad guys packing like a modern John Wayne. But this was BEFORE he became Donald Trump's lawyer and uttering such pearls of wisdom (or, should I say, "wis-DUMB?") as "Truth isn't truth" or "Crime isn't crime." How the mighty have fallen!
6. HEATHER NAUERT
United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley, the former governor of North Carolina who wasn't afraid to publicly disagree with the man who chose her for the job, calls it a career and they get THIS to fill her gargantuan shoes?!? Just because you can talk about other countries on FOX News and as a State Department spokesperson doesn't necessarily mean you can easily negotiate with those countries! Who's next? Sean Hannity batting clean-up for Vice President Mike Pence?!?
5. KANYE WEST
As if it wasn't bad enough that you married one of the Double-K girls (In 2019, this blog does hereby resolve NOT to mention the Kardashians by name, even though we just did!), now you make a mockery of the Oval Office by staging an event with that clown a lot of people THINK is their President! Keep this up, and keep mentioning yourself in the same breath as Steve Jobs, Walt Disney and Mozart, and they will all gang up on you and haunt you to your grave!
4. PLANET FITNESS
This year I had the pleasure to declare my independence from the so-called Judgement-Free Zone, where a man took off all his clothes and assumed a yoga pose, (That very tagline was his rationale for his actions!) and a VERY pregnant woman in Grand Rapids, MI tried to satisfy her late-night craving for Tootsie Rolls until a very large gentleman working the night watch politely explained to her that only members could have free Tootsie Rolls. (First of all, unlike New York, the City That Never Sleeps where you can get a Tootsie Roll at 7-Eleven, Duane Reade, or your favorite bodega at 3 AM, Planet Fitness is apparently the only place in Grand Rapids, which must want to be known as the City That Never Wakes, where you can get a Tootsie Roll late at night. Besides, how can you call yourself Planet FITNESS and serve Tootsie Rolls, which are not exactly diet food?!?
3. ATLANTIC CITY, NJ...
...for banishing the event that put it on the map, the Miss America Pageant.That's like Disneyland drafting Mickey Mouse into the Army of the Homeless!
2. AMAZON.COM
...for building your new HQ in Queens over a sewer. I know four pizza-craving amphibians and a mutated rodent mentor (and a few alligators) who ain't gonna be too happy!
AND THE LOSER IS...
DONALD J. TRUMP
Nuff said!
Last year, Meghan Markle, California's real-life answer to The Little Mermaid, hooked quite a catch as she and Prince Harry announced their wedding and became our Nicest Newsmaker. Who's part of our world this year? The answer is swimming right around the corner, so MISS IT NOT!
Steve out...for now!
10. MEGYN KELLY
You can't teach an old Fox new tricks! Although she tried and tried and TRIED (Boy, could she be trying!) to break with her Fair (?) and Balanced (?) past with the third hour of TODAY, she kept falling back on her old ways, by asking a WILL AND GRACE fan if the Platonic Pair made him go gay, criticizing Jane Fonda for her looks on the air, and being a general pain in the caboose, but the straw that broke the camel's back came when she defended Real New York Housewife Luann deLesseps for her decision to dress up at Halloween as Diana Ross in blackface. Without giving it a single thought, NBC News bought Megyn out of her contract and gave the third hour to Craig Melvin, Al Roker, Jenna Bush Hager and Dylan Dreyer. (As one of their first acts, Al and Dylan celebrated Halloween as, respectively, Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly from the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies, complete with the original DeLorean. Obviously, Megyn, THEY'VE heard of the willing suspension of disbelief YOU have a LOT of catching up to do.) Foxonian thought on one of the mainstream networks? This is so NOT TODAY on NBC!
9. CRAIG CARTON
I had the pleasure to meet Carton, Boomer Esiason's sidekick on WFAN's morning show when the former Jets QB hosted a street fair to benefit his foundation to combat childhood cystic fibrosis, but this was BEFORE he was arrested for securities fraud, Craigy, I hardly knew ye.
8. MIKE FRANCESA
Staying on WFAN, I name for shame a one-time living legend of sports radio who should be benched for life. Not only has he dedicated his afternoon gab fest to bullying anything that moves and plays sports, but he also refused to shed a single tear for the passing of Marvel Mastermind (and 2015 Nicest Newsmaker) Stan Lee, AND he's also known NOT to play well with other FAN personalities AND dedicate a majority of his program to promoting his premium app, which basically is a rehash of a radio show you can listen to for the incredible low price of FREE. When he did MIKE AND THE MAD DOG with Christopher Russo, I always thought he was the good cop and Dog was the bad. Francesa, you have the right to remain silent. SERIOUSLY!
7. RUDOLPH GIULIANI
Once upon a time, he was America's Mayor, saving New York City from ruin, uniting the country on 9/11, and sending the bad guys packing like a modern John Wayne. But this was BEFORE he became Donald Trump's lawyer and uttering such pearls of wisdom (or, should I say, "wis-DUMB?") as "Truth isn't truth" or "Crime isn't crime." How the mighty have fallen!
6. HEATHER NAUERT
United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley, the former governor of North Carolina who wasn't afraid to publicly disagree with the man who chose her for the job, calls it a career and they get THIS to fill her gargantuan shoes?!? Just because you can talk about other countries on FOX News and as a State Department spokesperson doesn't necessarily mean you can easily negotiate with those countries! Who's next? Sean Hannity batting clean-up for Vice President Mike Pence?!?
5. KANYE WEST
As if it wasn't bad enough that you married one of the Double-K girls (In 2019, this blog does hereby resolve NOT to mention the Kardashians by name, even though we just did!), now you make a mockery of the Oval Office by staging an event with that clown a lot of people THINK is their President! Keep this up, and keep mentioning yourself in the same breath as Steve Jobs, Walt Disney and Mozart, and they will all gang up on you and haunt you to your grave!
4. PLANET FITNESS
This year I had the pleasure to declare my independence from the so-called Judgement-Free Zone, where a man took off all his clothes and assumed a yoga pose, (That very tagline was his rationale for his actions!) and a VERY pregnant woman in Grand Rapids, MI tried to satisfy her late-night craving for Tootsie Rolls until a very large gentleman working the night watch politely explained to her that only members could have free Tootsie Rolls. (First of all, unlike New York, the City That Never Sleeps where you can get a Tootsie Roll at 7-Eleven, Duane Reade, or your favorite bodega at 3 AM, Planet Fitness is apparently the only place in Grand Rapids, which must want to be known as the City That Never Wakes, where you can get a Tootsie Roll late at night. Besides, how can you call yourself Planet FITNESS and serve Tootsie Rolls, which are not exactly diet food?!?
3. ATLANTIC CITY, NJ...
...for banishing the event that put it on the map, the Miss America Pageant.That's like Disneyland drafting Mickey Mouse into the Army of the Homeless!
2. AMAZON.COM
...for building your new HQ in Queens over a sewer. I know four pizza-craving amphibians and a mutated rodent mentor (and a few alligators) who ain't gonna be too happy!
AND THE LOSER IS...
DONALD J. TRUMP
Nuff said!
Last year, Meghan Markle, California's real-life answer to The Little Mermaid, hooked quite a catch as she and Prince Harry announced their wedding and became our Nicest Newsmaker. Who's part of our world this year? The answer is swimming right around the corner, so MISS IT NOT!
Steve out...for now!
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Steve Knocks The Stuffing Out Of The Top 10 Turkeys In The News
10. ALL THE AMAZON BELLYACHERS
So you're going to get traffic tie-ups, increased competition, and a company that has been slammed for misusing the United States Postal Service. YOUR CITIES ARE GETTING MORE BUSINESS, AND IF THAT'S SO WRONG, WHO WANTS TO BE RIGHT? Two words of advice: GROW UP and GET A LIFE!
9. Mayor BILL DEBLASIO of New York City
8. Governor PHIL MURPHY of New Jersey
You guys act like you've never seen a blizzard before! Why didn't you get off your coolies and actually DO something about the snowmageddon that delayed traffic in the NY-NJ area a few days ago?
7. MIKE FRANCESA
6. BILL MAHER
Sirs, or should I say, CURS, you have lost any respect I still have for you for your reaction to the passing of Marvel Maestro Stan Lee. When a caller to FranMan's show on WFAN and asked him what he thought of Stan's passing he said, "Who cares?" As for Bill Maher, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to dignify his reaction by mentioning it! Nuff said!
5. PLANET FITNESS
A hot bet to return to the Naughty List for Christmas. How do you expect to make a profit by selling memberships for ONLY TWENTY-FIVE CENTS DOWN?!?!? The only people who believe 25 cents can actually buy something good these days either live in boxes in Alphabet City or in SUV's in East L.A.! (Just sayin'.)
4. CHARMED
NOT the original version starring Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan and Holly Marie Combs, BUT the lackluster attempt at modernization which, (or,should I say, "WITCH") while employing concepts from Constance M. Burge's entertaining mix of comedy, fantasy, drama, and occasional scary stuff, completely IGNORES characters and actors from the original series. Here's hoping the Nielsen family makes this one disappear!
3. DAVID FIZDALE
ALREADY the new coach of the New York Knicks has abandoned any and all hope of a winning season. Maybe THIS is the year James "Guitar Jimmy" Dolan sells the team!
2. KING KONG
Broadway and the West End should have NEVER monkeyed around with this classic love story!
AND THE BIGGEST TURKEY OF THE YEAR:
DONALD J. TRUMP
Nuff said!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Steve
So you're going to get traffic tie-ups, increased competition, and a company that has been slammed for misusing the United States Postal Service. YOUR CITIES ARE GETTING MORE BUSINESS, AND IF THAT'S SO WRONG, WHO WANTS TO BE RIGHT? Two words of advice: GROW UP and GET A LIFE!
9. Mayor BILL DEBLASIO of New York City
8. Governor PHIL MURPHY of New Jersey
You guys act like you've never seen a blizzard before! Why didn't you get off your coolies and actually DO something about the snowmageddon that delayed traffic in the NY-NJ area a few days ago?
7. MIKE FRANCESA
6. BILL MAHER
Sirs, or should I say, CURS, you have lost any respect I still have for you for your reaction to the passing of Marvel Maestro Stan Lee. When a caller to FranMan's show on WFAN and asked him what he thought of Stan's passing he said, "Who cares?" As for Bill Maher, I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to dignify his reaction by mentioning it! Nuff said!
5. PLANET FITNESS
A hot bet to return to the Naughty List for Christmas. How do you expect to make a profit by selling memberships for ONLY TWENTY-FIVE CENTS DOWN?!?!? The only people who believe 25 cents can actually buy something good these days either live in boxes in Alphabet City or in SUV's in East L.A.! (Just sayin'.)
4. CHARMED
NOT the original version starring Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan and Holly Marie Combs, BUT the lackluster attempt at modernization which, (or,should I say, "WITCH") while employing concepts from Constance M. Burge's entertaining mix of comedy, fantasy, drama, and occasional scary stuff, completely IGNORES characters and actors from the original series. Here's hoping the Nielsen family makes this one disappear!
3. DAVID FIZDALE
ALREADY the new coach of the New York Knicks has abandoned any and all hope of a winning season. Maybe THIS is the year James "Guitar Jimmy" Dolan sells the team!
2. KING KONG
Broadway and the West End should have NEVER monkeyed around with this classic love story!
AND THE BIGGEST TURKEY OF THE YEAR:
DONALD J. TRUMP
Nuff said!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Steve
Friday, July 27, 2018
Talking Disney (Mickey,Donald and the Goof) Sing to the tune of "Talking Baseball (Willie,Mickey and the Duke) by Terry Cashman
VERSE 1
A young man named Walter
Once swore he'd never falter
In his mission to make pictures talk and sing.
When riding in a train,
It popped into his brain,
To turn a little visitor in his office into the Next Big Thing!
I'm talking Disney, Snow White and Tummi Gummi..*
Talking Disney, Pinocchio's no dummy!
Dumbo and Bambi and Peter Pan,
They know 'em all from Cleveland to Japan.
Especially Mickey, Donald and the Goof.
VERSE 2
The Mouse hit the big time,
And it became a big crime
Not to laugh with Mickey and his friends.
Then Walt went all out.
Snow White made people shout
With joy that was never likely to see an end!
I'm talking Disney, theme parks and television,
Talking Disney, the answer to all wishin'.
Haunted Mansion and the Pirate Crew,
And don't forget the Country Bears revue,
Or even Mickey, Donald and the Goof.
VERSE 3
If only Walt were still here,
He would have breathed a sigh of pride.
Cable networks for all ages,
Broadway plays on many stages,
Brand new animated shorts,
And ESPN Sports.
VERSE 4
Just try to contain it,
Or try to explain it.
There's no way to keep it in a box.
Disney's on the move.
Mickey got back his groove.
There's ABC, Marvel, Lucas and now there's FOX!
I'm talking Disney, Spider-Man and Peter Griffin!**
Talking Disney, Bart Simpson and Lisa with him!
Avengers, the X-Men,and SHIELD.
Disney is a force that will not yield.
We thank you, Mickey, Donald and the Goof!
I'm talking Mickey, Donald and the Goof! (DISNEY! DISNEY! DISNEY!)
And don't forget, it all started with a Mouse.
*The lovable, gluttinous buffoon from DISNEY'S ADVENTURES OF THE GUMMI BEARS (NBC, 1986)
**The Family Guy of the show of the same name.
See ya real soon!
Steve
A young man named Walter
Once swore he'd never falter
In his mission to make pictures talk and sing.
When riding in a train,
It popped into his brain,
To turn a little visitor in his office into the Next Big Thing!
I'm talking Disney, Snow White and Tummi Gummi..*
Talking Disney, Pinocchio's no dummy!
Dumbo and Bambi and Peter Pan,
They know 'em all from Cleveland to Japan.
Especially Mickey, Donald and the Goof.
VERSE 2
The Mouse hit the big time,
And it became a big crime
Not to laugh with Mickey and his friends.
Then Walt went all out.
Snow White made people shout
With joy that was never likely to see an end!
I'm talking Disney, theme parks and television,
Talking Disney, the answer to all wishin'.
Haunted Mansion and the Pirate Crew,
And don't forget the Country Bears revue,
Or even Mickey, Donald and the Goof.
VERSE 3
If only Walt were still here,
He would have breathed a sigh of pride.
Cable networks for all ages,
Broadway plays on many stages,
Brand new animated shorts,
And ESPN Sports.
VERSE 4
Just try to contain it,
Or try to explain it.
There's no way to keep it in a box.
Disney's on the move.
Mickey got back his groove.
There's ABC, Marvel, Lucas and now there's FOX!
I'm talking Disney, Spider-Man and Peter Griffin!**
Talking Disney, Bart Simpson and Lisa with him!
Avengers, the X-Men,and SHIELD.
Disney is a force that will not yield.
We thank you, Mickey, Donald and the Goof!
I'm talking Mickey, Donald and the Goof! (DISNEY! DISNEY! DISNEY!)
And don't forget, it all started with a Mouse.
*The lovable, gluttinous buffoon from DISNEY'S ADVENTURES OF THE GUMMI BEARS (NBC, 1986)
**The Family Guy of the show of the same name.
See ya real soon!
Steve
Monday, July 23, 2018
My Love-Hate Relationship With Publishers
Yeah, I know, I was SUPPOSED to write a retrospective on Five Stevetastic Years, but Life got in the way, as is its wont. I PROMISE I will have it for you by Christmas at the absolute very max.
There are certain publishers whose work and commitment to excellence I respect, among them Marvel and DC who made comics what they are today and recognize the need for sophisticated graphic storytelling, and The New York Times Company, because, of course, it publishes THE template for intelligent, impartial journalism and continues its century-plus-old mission to report "without fear or favor."(Google also counts as a publisher to a certain extent,otherwise, why would you be reading this?)
As for the publishers on my shirt list, (You know me, I don't want to offend anybody!) they include certain parties that will go unnamed but either (A) rejected some of my greatest literary efforts or (B) charge a G at least for one of the great oxymorons of our day, "self-publishing." I used to self-publish books all the time! I used to scribble a few words, add a few pictures, (OK, so they weren't Picasso!) and voila, books written and published by me, myself, without having to pay a king's ransom. Also on that list are the entities that axed some of the greatest papers I had the pleasure to read, the World Journal Tribune, the Trib, the latter-day iteration of the Sun, and The National Sports Daily. Today, it is my extreme DISpleasure to welcome tronc (sic, and they make me VERY sic), who fired half the editorial staff (including many of America's most respected sports columnists) of the New York Daily News, New York's Hometown Newspaper. The News never hesitated to tell you not only the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even if it DID P.O. a lot of people, including a certain president. More than just a local paper, it was a cultural icon, immortalized by Broadway tunesmith Frank Loesser, inspiring Superman's employer, the Daily Planet, and introducing beloved Sunday morning funny page characters such as Dick Tracy, Moon Mullins, Smokey Stover, and one of my all-time faves, Brenda Starr, Reporter. The News should have been sold to a company that TRULY cares about a free press and not just telling both sides of the story, but ALL sides, (I'm talking to you, Google! Why didn't Sergey and Larry mount their white horses, ride up to 4 New York Plaza, and save the day?) but, instead, it was gutted by some knuckleheads from Chicago, a city that has made no secret of its hatred for us New Yorkers.
For taking the New York out of the Daily News, (Daily SNOOZE is more appropos now!) tronc, you are now one of Steve's Publishers Who Can Pucker Up On Steve's Posterior/ (Wish you could do SOMETHING to change my mind!)
Yours For Happier News, (Especially in Toronto, ON)
Steve
There are certain publishers whose work and commitment to excellence I respect, among them Marvel and DC who made comics what they are today and recognize the need for sophisticated graphic storytelling, and The New York Times Company, because, of course, it publishes THE template for intelligent, impartial journalism and continues its century-plus-old mission to report "without fear or favor."(Google also counts as a publisher to a certain extent,otherwise, why would you be reading this?)
As for the publishers on my shirt list, (You know me, I don't want to offend anybody!) they include certain parties that will go unnamed but either (A) rejected some of my greatest literary efforts or (B) charge a G at least for one of the great oxymorons of our day, "self-publishing." I used to self-publish books all the time! I used to scribble a few words, add a few pictures, (OK, so they weren't Picasso!) and voila, books written and published by me, myself, without having to pay a king's ransom. Also on that list are the entities that axed some of the greatest papers I had the pleasure to read, the World Journal Tribune, the Trib, the latter-day iteration of the Sun, and The National Sports Daily. Today, it is my extreme DISpleasure to welcome tronc (sic, and they make me VERY sic), who fired half the editorial staff (including many of America's most respected sports columnists) of the New York Daily News, New York's Hometown Newspaper. The News never hesitated to tell you not only the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even if it DID P.O. a lot of people, including a certain president. More than just a local paper, it was a cultural icon, immortalized by Broadway tunesmith Frank Loesser, inspiring Superman's employer, the Daily Planet, and introducing beloved Sunday morning funny page characters such as Dick Tracy, Moon Mullins, Smokey Stover, and one of my all-time faves, Brenda Starr, Reporter. The News should have been sold to a company that TRULY cares about a free press and not just telling both sides of the story, but ALL sides, (I'm talking to you, Google! Why didn't Sergey and Larry mount their white horses, ride up to 4 New York Plaza, and save the day?) but, instead, it was gutted by some knuckleheads from Chicago, a city that has made no secret of its hatred for us New Yorkers.
For taking the New York out of the Daily News, (Daily SNOOZE is more appropos now!) tronc, you are now one of Steve's Publishers Who Can Pucker Up On Steve's Posterior/ (Wish you could do SOMETHING to change my mind!)
Yours For Happier News, (Especially in Toronto, ON)
Steve
Monday, May 14, 2018
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