"We Need A Little Christmas!"-Jerry Herman

Summer's here, and so far, the time's not right for dancing in the streets. When Summer turns into a Bummer, one of my little quirks is getting out some Christmas music (preferably Mariah Carey, Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, the old standbys), turning up the volume, and losing myself in some Yuletide cheer. (Yes, I AM Jewish, but so were a lot of the guys who wrote some of the greatest holiday hits!) Recently, Ryan Seacrest asked in a tweet if it was too early to start the New Year's Rockin' Eve countdown to 2021. Seacrest, old boy, you're not the only one who wants this year over and done with, so, hang up the stockings, waive the social distancing rule under the mistletoe,and make sure Mr. Elf is watching on the Shelf. because it's time for...

SANTA STEVE'S NAUGHTY LIST

Hello, Happy Holidays and all the best for 2020 2.0, and welcome to a special WAY TOO EARLY edition of SANTA STEVE'S NAUGHTY LIST, the first of two year-end specials that countdown the Naughtiest and Nicest Newsmakers of the Year. In 2019, somebody who claimed to be the President of the United States won a nice king size lump of coal and Carroll Spinney, the man who made Big Bird and Oscar two of the most iconic heroes of childhood. Who deserves a Blue Christmas and who deserves a holiday just like the ones Der Bingle used to know? There's only one way to find out: Let the countdown begin!

10. MITCH McCONNELL

Because of him, certain people still run the Dog and Pony Show at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!

9.  QUIBIBI

It seemed like a good idea at the time, a streaming service you could watch on your phone while waiting for the train or on your coffee break that didn't show programs with longer run times than fifteen minutes, but, for obvious reasons, that time has passed.

8. HBO MAX

HBO MAXed out is more like it! For obvious reasons, a lot of the new shows it staked its reputation on are either not available or cancelled forever. You shoulda waited!

7. JAMES DOLAN

As I keep reminding you people,I created this blog upon the recommendation of a friend who worked  at Madison Square Garden, one of the main reasons why I hang my pointy little hat in the Murray Hill area of Manhattan. I LOVE those guys, or, at least I try to love these guys, but it was so forking hard to get an official statement from MSG CEO James Dolan on the tragic murder of George Floyd and racism in general, possibly because, according to ESPN's Tony Kornheiser, "Guitar Jimmy" (as New York Daily News sports media critic Bob Raissman calls him because of his side hustle as a blues guitarist) doesn't want to alienate his BFF Donald Trump. (Yep, THAT Donald Trump!) I know you guys are in the entertainment business, but so are LeBron James, Halsey, and the aforementioned Big Bird and THEY have addressed the issue!

6. KELLYANNE CONWAY

NO, Genius, COVID-19 is NOT the nineteenth iteration of COVID!

5. (tie) SEAN HANNITY, TUCKER CARLSON and LAURA INGRAHAM

First they interview Dr Fauci, Deborah Birks, and the Surgeon General and ask the COVID questions their viewers need answered, then they toe the party line that the left-stream media and the radical Dims are making a mountain out of a molehill. Whose side are you on, people?

2. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

They're playing baseball overseas and the NHL and NBA are trying to make up for lost time, so, to borrow a line from THE BAD NEWS BEARS IN "BREAKING TRAINING" (1977), "Why don't you get off your butts and play some ball?"

And the loser is...

THE CORONAVIRUS

(To the tune of "MR, GRINCH")

You're a mean one, Coronavirus!

You tore the world apart!

You upset enconomies, you have broken many hearts, Mr. C!

You could have let us have Barack, but you left us with that tired old (BEEP!)

You're a vile one, Coronavirus!

You are a racist slime!

You have caused unemployment and a lot of violent crime, Mr. C!

Go fly a kite that we ordered yesterday from Amazon Prime!

Last year we honored a man who gave the world sunny days. Who deserves to have Rudolph put his name in lights? The answer will be revealed in our next report!

Steve

HELP!

In case you've been orbiting the earth in the International Space Station for the past 72 days, STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!

We here on Terra Firma have been dealing with COVID-19, a global pandemic caused by the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2, first reported in Wuhan,Hubei, China in 2019.On March 11, the World Health Organization declared the outbreak a pandemic.

Usually, in times of crisis, we can turn to our President for leadership and our sports teams and Broadway performers for escape.

Unfortunately, this is NOT one of those "usuallys."

The NCAA Men's and Women's College Basketball Tournaments will now play to empty arenas, the NHL and NBA, along with many major soccer leagues, have put their schedules on hold, New York State has banned Broadway musicals until April 13, and instead of showing gumption like the Prime Minister of Italy, President George W.Bush,or Morgan Freeman in the 1996 disaster epic DEEP IMPACT (You may recall that after Earth was flattened by a meteorite that, needless to say, did not come here to make friends, Morgan's character, the POTUS, placed the US under martial law until he could set things right and America could rebuild.), our current pitiful excuse for a president (I won't mention his name, but it rhymes with CHUMP, which suits him to a T.) bans incoming air and cruise traffic from China and Europe to fit his "America First" platform.

If you wanted to unite the world, Mr. President, congratulations.

You have united the world AGAINST you.

There was a time when I respected you, Don, and my father respected you,too.

But that time is LONG past.

For the first time in the history of this blog, I would like to endorse a candidate, namely Joe Biden, for POTUS, and recommend either Amy Klobuchar, Pete Buttigeg, or Elizabeth Warren as his running mate. True, Joe may be a little old, but he still knows a thing or two, especially about dealing with crisis. If HE took the oath of office, we would never return to this place in our history, but, if we did, he would know how best to deal with earthshaking crisis.

If you want to play golf, Don, play golf.

FOREVER.

LEAVE US ALONE.

Until we meet under happier circumstances, this is your somewhat P.O'ed announcer reminding you to wash your hands, sneeze and cough into your arm, steer clear of sick people, and vote for people who don't just talk about Making America (and the world) Great Again, but who can actually do it.

Here's wishing you a SAFE St. Patrick's Day and, this Passover, remember the leader who freed our ancestors from a despot who only cared about himself, and hope that history will repeat itself, but in a GOOD way.

Steve

I Leave You Alone For Five Months, And WHAT Happens?!?

First of all, Happy New-ish Year, and, unlike certain residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I would like to apologize to my worldwide audience for forgetting to foist another pulse-pounding, mind-boggling blog upon your impatient orbs for the past (AGGGGGH!) FIVE months. There have been SOOOOOOOOO many topics popping up in the news, from the Presidential race to the Super Bowl halftime to Baby Yoda that I haven't had the time to wrap my feeble little brain around them. It may be late for Christmas, but my Naughtiest Newsmaker  of 2019 would have to be Generalissimo Trump and the Nicest would have to be (posthumously) Carroll Spinney, better known as the man behind Sesame Street's iconic Big Bird and Oscar, and I would like to cast an early vote for Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gigi, who left this world too soon after a tragic helicopter crash. The world of sports and the world at large will never be the same.

If you've been tuning in from the very beginning, you know this blog was created after suggestions from a friend who worked at Madison Square Garden at the time, and I still believe MSG is one of the greatest landmarks in New York and on the face of the Earth in general, but one of their top draws, the New York Knicks, have been performing (or not!) so poorly that fans have been serenading MSG CEO Jim Dolan with screams of "SELL THE TEAM! SELL THE TEAM! SELL THE TEAM!" The Garden and all its pleasures, from superstar concerts to once-in-a-lifetime sporting events such as the Professional Bull Riders, the Harlem Globetrotters and indoor tennis championships to guaranteed seat-fillers such as the WWE and UFC, to the Rangers, and, the aforementioned Knicks, are why I moved within walking distance, but, although I'm a loyal fan of the Orange and Blue, I may have to join my fellow fans in this chorus of disapproval. LET'S GO, KNICKS, but PLEASE don't stink TOO badly!

Last year, you'll recall I said goodbye in my Special Blog to New York's legendary radio station 95.5 WPLJ after its owner Cumulus Media sold it to Educational Media Foundation, the parent company of the K-LOVE Christian radio format, and all the personalities who made it my favorite place on the dial. Well, you'll be happy to know that former midday host Race Taylor has moved to WCBS-FM in the same daypart and the cast of TODD AND JAYDE IN THE MORNING is also doing quite nicely thank you, with Johnny Mingione performing his street reporter duties for Karen Carson on WNEW-FM, Joe "Monkey Boy" Pardavilla pursuing a career in stand-up comedy, and, as for the hosts, Jayde Donovan's inspirational weekend morning show can be heard on WINK 104 in Harrisburg, PA, among other stations coast-to-coast, and on the Tune In and iHeart Radio apps,Anne Marie Leamy is hosting her own morning show at Q92 in her hometown of Poughkeepsie, NY, and Todd Pettengill is back in the saddle with the kind of radio show I think he's always wanted to do on HeyTodd.com . It combines everything he's learned from working with the great Scott Shannon, helming his own morning show, working as one of the founding cast members of the DISH NATION comedy-entertainment news syndicated show, and even as a sideline reporter for the WWE. Joined by his daughter Amanda (Pettengill) Schott and his producer (DON'T ASK!) Howse, Todd delivers heaping helpings of song parodies, phone scams, and what he calls "extemperaneous jocularity."HeyTodd.com may not TOTALLY bring back the good old days, but it makes these new days AT LEAST a little easier to take.

Long time T&J listeners will remember that Jayde celebrated her baby shower at a place DIRECTLY across the street from MSG, and, I will withhold the name of that particular establishment,except for saying that it has something to do with owls. I celebrated the Super Bowl at that owl place with my hostess Megan, and the highlight of the night was her attempt (along with a fellow employee) at emulating the somewhat racy dance performed by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira at the halftime show. I HOPE she has a more wholesome terpsichorean future employer in mind such as the Rockettes or the New York City Ballet. (At least she performed the duties required by her current owly employer well!)

Well, that's all I got, but I promise I WILL make up for all that lost time as 2020 rolls on, so, until the next time I talk to you, Happy Valentine's Day, remember love is love, and don't take any wooden owls! (Yeah, I know that doesn't make any sense, but I might as well get it out of my system!)

Steve out!