Hello, everybody, and welcome to Santa Steve's Naughty List, the first of two year-end specials that count down the best and worst newsmakers of 2018. Last year, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and their real-life fairy tale exemplified the best of humanity and super sicko Charles Manson, well, anybody with HIS twisted track record doesn't exactly desire a standing ovation but DOES certainly deserve the dishonor of being named our Naughtiest Newsmaker. Which newsmaker has the holiday spirit and whose heart is two sizes too small? There's only one way to find out: Let the countdown begin!
10. MEGYN KELLY
You can't teach an old Fox new tricks! Although she tried and tried and TRIED (Boy, could she be trying!) to break with her Fair (?) and Balanced (?) past with the third hour of TODAY, she kept falling back on her old ways, by asking a WILL AND GRACE fan if the Platonic Pair made him go gay, criticizing Jane Fonda for her looks on the air, and being a general pain in the caboose, but the straw that broke the camel's back came when she defended Real New York Housewife Luann deLesseps for her decision to dress up at Halloween as Diana Ross in blackface. Without giving it a single thought, NBC News bought Megyn out of her contract and gave the third hour to Craig Melvin, Al Roker, Jenna Bush Hager and Dylan Dreyer. (As one of their first acts, Al and Dylan celebrated Halloween as, respectively, Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly from the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies, complete with the original DeLorean. Obviously, Megyn, THEY'VE heard of the willing suspension of disbelief YOU have a LOT of catching up to do.) Foxonian thought on one of the mainstream networks? This is so NOT TODAY on NBC!
9. CRAIG CARTON
I had the pleasure to meet Carton, Boomer Esiason's sidekick on WFAN's morning show when the former Jets QB hosted a street fair to benefit his foundation to combat childhood cystic fibrosis, but this was BEFORE he was arrested for securities fraud, Craigy, I hardly knew ye.
8. MIKE FRANCESA
Staying on WFAN, I name for shame a one-time living legend of sports radio who should be benched for life. Not only has he dedicated his afternoon gab fest to bullying anything that moves and plays sports, but he also refused to shed a single tear for the passing of Marvel Mastermind (and 2015 Nicest Newsmaker) Stan Lee, AND he's also known NOT to play well with other FAN personalities AND dedicate a majority of his program to promoting his premium app, which basically is a rehash of a radio show you can listen to for the incredible low price of FREE. When he did MIKE AND THE MAD DOG with Christopher Russo, I always thought he was the good cop and Dog was the bad. Francesa, you have the right to remain silent. SERIOUSLY!
7. RUDOLPH GIULIANI
Once upon a time, he was America's Mayor, saving New York City from ruin, uniting the country on 9/11, and sending the bad guys packing like a modern John Wayne. But this was BEFORE he became Donald Trump's lawyer and uttering such pearls of wisdom (or, should I say, "wis-DUMB?") as "Truth isn't truth" or "Crime isn't crime." How the mighty have fallen!
6. HEATHER NAUERT
United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley, the former governor of North Carolina who wasn't afraid to publicly disagree with the man who chose her for the job, calls it a career and they get THIS to fill her gargantuan shoes?!? Just because you can talk about other countries on FOX News and as a State Department spokesperson doesn't necessarily mean you can easily negotiate with those countries! Who's next? Sean Hannity batting clean-up for Vice President Mike Pence?!?
5. KANYE WEST
As if it wasn't bad enough that you married one of the Double-K girls (In 2019, this blog does hereby resolve NOT to mention the Kardashians by name, even though we just did!), now you make a mockery of the Oval Office by staging an event with that clown a lot of people THINK is their President! Keep this up, and keep mentioning yourself in the same breath as Steve Jobs, Walt Disney and Mozart, and they will all gang up on you and haunt you to your grave!
4. PLANET FITNESS
This year I had the pleasure to declare my independence from the so-called Judgement-Free Zone, where a man took off all his clothes and assumed a yoga pose, (That very tagline was his rationale for his actions!) and a VERY pregnant woman in Grand Rapids, MI tried to satisfy her late-night craving for Tootsie Rolls until a very large gentleman working the night watch politely explained to her that only members could have free Tootsie Rolls. (First of all, unlike New York, the City That Never Sleeps where you can get a Tootsie Roll at 7-Eleven, Duane Reade, or your favorite bodega at 3 AM, Planet Fitness is apparently the only place in Grand Rapids, which must want to be known as the City That Never Wakes, where you can get a Tootsie Roll late at night. Besides, how can you call yourself Planet FITNESS and serve Tootsie Rolls, which are not exactly diet food?!?
3. ATLANTIC CITY, NJ...
...for banishing the event that put it on the map, the Miss America Pageant.That's like Disneyland drafting Mickey Mouse into the Army of the Homeless!
2. AMAZON.COM
...for building your new HQ in Queens over a sewer. I know four pizza-craving amphibians and a mutated rodent mentor (and a few alligators) who ain't gonna be too happy!
AND THE LOSER IS...
DONALD J. TRUMP
Nuff said!
Last year, Meghan Markle, California's real-life answer to The Little Mermaid, hooked quite a catch as she and Prince Harry announced their wedding and became our Nicest Newsmaker. Who's part of our world this year? The answer is swimming right around the corner, so MISS IT NOT!
Steve out...for now!
