Saturday, October 31, 2015

144 Halloween...The Mets...The Marathon...A Bad Movie...HELP!

Once upon a time, one of my heroes, the one and only no baloney Stan "The Man" Lee, wrote an edition of his famous Soapbox, the editorial-cum-pitch meeting that appeared in Marvel Comics from the 1960's to the 70's and again in the 80's and 90's, during which he confessed he had nothing to say!

Well, ladies and germs, to borrow from another one of my heroes, Mr. Milton Berle, I'm not going to have that problem in this, the one-hundredth-and-forty-fourth edition of the Blog. I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to talk about, I don't know where to start!

Actually, I do. I would like to wish everybody within the sound of my voice a very happy and safe Halloween, whether you plan to go out trick-or-treating with the princesses and Jedi Knights, put on your own costume and go out clubbing or to an event similar to New York's Greenwich Village Halloween Parade, (Good luck to this year's sponsors, Time Warner Cable News NY 1 and Z100, this year's Grand Marshall, The Most Interesting Man In The World, and all the people marching in their finery.) or just stay at home and avoid the whole thing by popping in a DVD of "White Christmas."

Speaking of Halloween and movies, one of the perks of my job as a blogger is I get to see bad movies so you won't have to. One of those turkeys (OK, I know, that's a month away, but hear me out, alright?) was released in '04 and is one of those Grade Z stinkeroos foisted upon well-meaning local stations looking for content by Screen Media Ventures,Inc., a company that CLAIMS to "acquire the rights to high-quality independent feature films." (If this is the case, I would hate to see their LOW-quality films!) Its name is SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER (an obvious play on "Santa's Little Helper", the greyhound the Simpson family got for Christmas in their very first show) and the plot concerns a 5th-grade boy who's heavily into this terrible video game called (You guessed it!) "Satan's Little Helper", his mom (Amanda Plummer, daughter of Christopher Plummer and a veteran of MUCH better movies), his dad who comes to their small town to visit for Halloween, his hottie big sister who he wants to marry, (Insescstious little rugrat!) her fiance, and this LOVABLE guy who looks a lot like Satan in the game but turns out to be (BIG SURPRISE!) a serial killer. The kid is fascinated by the game, he hates the fiance, he meets up with Satan and wants to be (DUH!) his little helper, the hottie, a drama major, forgets her costume but borrows Mom's (a Renaissance strumpet), Mom is supposed to meet Dad for a big Halloween do, (She's supposed to be Chiquita Banana, he's supposed to be an elf.) the fiance, who our rugrat hero hates to little bitty pieces, takes the brat into town where he meets "Satan" who attempts to kill him and takes the brat under his wing,"Satan" buys a whole lot of unpleasant things to spike the trick-or-treat candy and plays hide-and-seek with  Ye Comely Renaissance Harlot who later gets wise after hearing media reports that a serial killer (Yep, jolly old Satan) has been robbing stores and killing cops like it's going out of style). Giving the kid her headpiece as something to remember her by if she doesn't make it out alive, she hooks up with the fiance and they follow the Bad Guy to the party Mom was supposed to attend with Dad before the B.G. offed him and....

YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!! (I also yawn so you won't have to.)

The bottom line is, this flopperoo doesn't look like anything you haven't seen before from a writer or director clearly capable of something better. The less said about it, the MUCH better!

Just when the Kansas City Royals thought it was safe to go back to New York, the Mets ATTACK! Noah Synegard, the pitching phenom from Norway, showed his loyal fans why he is worthy of the nickname THOR. Like the Thunder God of ancient Asgard, today's Thor humiliated his heartland adversaries with incredible power and led his teammates to a memorable 9-5 victory. Move over Bronx Bombers! It's time for the FLUSHING AVENGERS to assemble! Tonight, the Mets and Royals return to do battle and in my opinion, another victory on enemy turf is NOT out of the question! LET'S GO METS!

Finally, good luck to all runners in the 2015 TCS New York City Marathon tomorrow, ESPECIALLY those who aren't Ethiopian! Do NOT get me wrong, I am NOT a racist, I just think it's time somebody ELSE won, especially an American. May the strongest person win, and get some sleep 'Kay? (Daylight Savings Time ends at 2 AM, so set your clocks accordingly.)

Have a spooktacular Halloween, and I hope the Great Pumpkin gives you everything you want this year! (I know I'm a little mixed-up, but anybody out there excited for the new Peanuts Movie next month?)

Steve out!

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Steve's Movie Blog: Some Peter Out, Some Pan Out

The narrator at the beginning of Walt Disney's classic animated adaptation of the beloved children's favorite PETER PAN says, "All this has happened before, and it will happen again."

But why did it have to happen in such a barely watchable mish-mosh as Joe Wright's PAN-worthy version, which turned out to be a monumental em-Barrie's-ment? Levi Miller does his best to provide a believable portrayal of the Boy Who Never Grew Up, but it gets swallowed up by Hugh Jackman's ridiculous Blackbeard, Rooney Mara's all-too-politically-correct Tiger Lily, and Garrett Hedlund as Captain Hook in name only. (He reminds me more of Indiana Jones, and why didn't the Crocodile already bite his hand off? He should be called Captain Hand.) For reasons that defy all logic, this movie, supposedly set during the London Blitz, features Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and New York's own Ramones' classic "Blitzkrieg Bop," as well as some other music which sounds nothing like "I Gotta Crow" from the Broadway, and later, TV show (Joe Wright is the stupidest fellow 'twas never my fortune to know.) or "You Can Fly" from the Disney classic. SPOILER ALERT: That IS a wig Jackman is wearing during most of the movie, and Peter, who starts the movie in an orphanage, IS reunited with his mother (Amanda Seyfried, and her character's named Mary. How's THAT for chutzpah?)

If I had just a few dollars in my pocket and I could either see this movie, or HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2, or get a sandwich, I'd head right for the HOTEL.

This CGI animated howl, just in time for Halloween, stars Adam Sandler as Dracula, manager of a hotel for retired monsters which has since started welcoming humans. In the original, Jonathan, the hotel's first human patron (Andy Samberg) fell in love with Drac's daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez, and yes, Selanators, she sings in this one. She tries to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," but ends up singing the vampire version, "Suffer, Suffer Scream In Pain" with Dear Old Dad.) and they threw their doors open to the human population. In this second stanza, Mavis and Jonathan marry and introduce their half-human bundle of joy, Dennis (or as the Count calls him, "Dennisovich"), but Dennis can't turn into a bat and his ideas of what a monster is are informed by a Barney-like creature on the TV. Can Drac and his friends help Dennisovich channel his inner vampire? The answer, along with top quality voices by David Spade, Kevin James, Dana Carvey, the real-life husband and wife team of Nick Offerman ("Parks and Rec") and Megan Mullaley,Key-Michael Keegan ("Key and Peele"), girl group Fifth Harmony, and VERY special guest star Mel Brooks, and some cute monster kid voices from Adam's real-life kids, await you in this family-friendly fright fest that DOESN'T bite or suck. Enjoy your stay, and Happy Halloween!


The Mets swept the Cubs in the National League  Series and await the winner of the Toronto-Kansas City American League Series. LET'S GO METS!


Thursday, October 15, 2015

What Next?!? Giving the Statue of Liberty a Makeover?

New York just wouldn't be the great city it is without the Empire State Building, Madison Square Garden, Yankee Stadium, or Taxi TV.


Yes, you heard right. Taxi TV is as much part of New York as Lincoln Center, where ABC 7, which supplies the Creative Media units, or Rockefeller Center, where NBC 4, which supplies the Verifone units, are located. Both the aforementioned companies supply the yellow local and green borough taxis in New York City with miniature monitors which broadcast local news and weather, entertainment shows and service features, and take credit cards as payment for rides. Yeah, I know, there are people on both sides of the wheel who say it's too loud, too boring, too repetitive, too this, too that, well, I say, it's too good to lose!

Some days, the traffic can be worse than impossible, and it could take FOREVER to get from Point A to Point B. That's why, when the driver turns the key, I just turn the volume up a skosh, buckle my seat belt, and get ready to either catch up with the world, laugh at the best of late night TV, or find out what Our Beloved (?) Mayor is up to. And now the Taxi and Limo Commission, in its in(?)finite wisdom wants to remove it from 2000 vehicles and replace it with supposedly more modern technology that would be more compatible with smart phones. To borrow a phrase from that underwater sage, SpongeBob SquarePants, "HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!?!?!?" Like it or not,Taxi TV has become part of our daily lives,so much so that it has been duplicated in Boston and Philly. Fellow New Yorkers, we can NOT afford to lose Taxi TV! Write Mayor DiBlasio and the TLC and tell them, I WANT MY TAXI TV!

(This blog has NOT been sponsored or approved by NBC, ABC, Verifone, or Creative Media Technologies.)

Steve out!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

An Open Letter to Hugh M. Hefner, Editor-In-Chief of Playboy Magazine

Hi, Hef, I'm Bunny Steve!

Actually, although I want us to be business associates, for reasons I will discuss later, I'm not going to stoop that low. I couldn't walk in stiletto heels, and although I would be wearing fishnet stockings, I would still have to shave my legs.

OK, now that we got THAT out of the way, let's talk business, shall we? I have considered submitting either fiction or non-fiction to Playboy,but there has always been the matter of friends, family, and just plain fans wading past copious pictures of ladies who aren't exactly DRESSED just to get to the story. While it would have been lucrative, to be honest, I would have felt guilty and like I compromised my principles in the name of Saint Benjamin.

Today, the New York Times reported that after six decades,Playboy, the magazine that, in the eyes of many, fired the opening shot in the sexual revolution, has surrendered and will stop printing photographs of ladies wearing only what they came into the world with. I only believe this could be a positive sign for the Playboy brand, because no distracting nudes would mean more eyeballs for (Drumroll, please.) THE WORLD ACCORDING TO STEVE. It would be a logical extension of MY brand, which I have built with Steve's Blog, which I created in 2013 after I got a suggestion from a friend of mine at Madison Square Garden and is now read in the US, Canada, Mexico, Spain, Israel,Indonesia,the UK, and even Russia AND Ukraine. In the past two years, I have commented on politics, sports,media,entertainment, and I know what millenials like to talk about (OTHER than sex-sex-sex-sex ad infinitum) and I can talk about it in the pages of the all-new, all-different Playboy.

For example, a man with whom you may be familiar, Stanley Martin Lieber, came into the offices of a small company named Timely Comics in 1939 and toiled as an errand boy, and rose through the ranks to become Smiling Stan Lee, the All-Father of the Marvel Universe, which was to comics what the Playboy world was to adult entertainment. However, Marvel has evolved significantly in the past five decades while, despite brand extensions such as Playboy Records, Playboy Productions, Playboy Channel, and, of course, The Playboy Club, both physically and as a TV show featuring such talent as Amber Heard, Jenna Dewan Tatum, Laura Benanti, Nauturi Naughton and Eddie Cibriani,Playboy magazine has remained more, or less, the same, with its best days, such as the Jimmy Carter, John and Yoko, and Mel Brooks interviews and groundbreaking fiction from Tom Wolfe, Kurt Vonnegut and Ray Bradbury,(and cartoons from Super-Shel Silverstein) behind it. I only anticipate good things as a result of the new format, and I look forward to working with you. If you're interested, shoot me an email at and we'll schmooze. It can only be a win-win.

Hop (a little Bunny humor there) to hear from you,
Steve Eisenpreis

Thursday, October 8, 2015

I'm A Believer

New lyrics to a song by Neil Diamond originally performed by The Monkees

1. I thought that  the Yanks were gonna take it all.
    Win World Series Number Twenty-Eight.
    But C,C, Sabathia told 'em,
    "I don't think I can play."
    Way to ruin a die-hard Yank fan's day!


Then I met the Mets!
Now I'm a believer!
Place your bets!
This year is the year!
I'm in love...LOVE!
I'm a believer, I couldn't leave 'em if I tried!

2.  I thought Joe Girardi had it figured out.
     They did just fine without Derek J.
      Then the Houston Astros
      Flew into the Bronx,
      Shut 'em out three-nothing. Sorry,no thonx!


Sorry, New York Yankees.
Have to say adieu.
Rooting for the Orange and the Blue!


Of course whether I'll STAY with the Amazins depends on what they, and the Yanks, do in 2016.


Steve out!

Tuesday, October 6, 2015


Meet the Press Australia WAS a completely different show and IS no longer produced.


Despite Seth Meyers' influence, the official title of THE AWESOMES is just that. (THE AWESOMES.)


Isabelle Ferriter plays young Nina on NINA'S WORLD and I forgot to mention the vocal contributions of Mandy Patinkin, (Papi), Esai Morales, (Tio Javier) and, of course, the creator of the Nina character, who plays the voice of Nina's Mami.

My apologies to one and all! (I gotta start sending out Steve-Prizes in the tradition of Marvel No-Prizes to the eagle-eyed reader who notices the biggest blunder first!)

Live From New York, It's Steve's Blog!

But first...


Sunday in America has always meant a day of rest, prayer, and self-examination, putting on the old jersey and heading over to the local sports bar to see if your favorite NFL team can..go,,,all..the...way,and, of course, catching up with the news of the week. Since the glory days of radio, one thing has always remained true: "If it's Sunday, it's MEET THE PRESS."

MTP, as it's known by its loyal fans, premiered on NBC Radio on November 6, 1947 with Martha Roundtree as the moderator, and is still going strong with NBC News Political Director Chuck Todd at the helm. Every US President since John Fitzgerald Kennedy has graced it with his presence, and overseas viewers interested in the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington can watch on CNBC in Europe and Asia, the Seven Network in Australia (which also produces a local MTP) and 9TV in the Philippines. MTP can always be counted on to always be first with the top stories, and, to turn the old song on its head, always on a  Sunday but never on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or  Friday.

Until now.

Welcome to MTP DAILY, weekdays at 5 PM eastern, give or take an hour according to where you live. on MSNBC as part of its brand refresh.(MSNBC is moving away from its previous left-leaning coverage towards a more news-oriented approach.) Don't worry, Charles, I mean, Chuck, is still in charge with many of the NBC News professionals who trade opinions with him on Sunday, but the show also covers more of the news of the day in a faster-paced package.Whether you're a full-on political junkie or you just want to know who stands a better chance of running the country (hopefully not into the ground), this is must-see TV. Don't count on any Foxonian shouting matches, but expect a lot of informed conversation, or, as Chuck himself has been wont to say," If it's a weekday, it's MTP DAILY, but join us on Sunday for the Big Show, cause if it's Sunday...

Turning from Sunday morning to Saturday night, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE is back after a star-studded 40th anniversary season at 11:35 pm Eastern,10:35 pm Central (Check local listings if you live out West or in AK or HI.) on NBC and any time on the NBC app and shows no signs of slowing down. Miley Cyrus hosted and sang on the maiden voyage of Volume 41, and although I question her taste in costumes and hairstyles, she's still the consummate professional, as evidenced by an almost-serious reading of "My Way." (I say "almost" because she shared a split-screen with the 2015-2016 iteration of the Not Ready For Prime Time Players impersonating certain newsmakers from the Summer of 2015 such as pervy former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle, Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis. the cast of the ENTOURAGE movie, and former GOP Presidential Candidates Rick Santorum and Rick Perry.) Hilary Clinton continued her "I'm A Normal Person" tour by turning in a comic performance as a bartender named Val consoling Kate McKinnon in character as Democratic Presidential Candidate Hilary Clinton, (Yes, you read right!) and Pete Davidson, SNL's Resident Young Person, admitted  ignorance with regard to the world situation. (He asked on camera, "Who's this guy Syria anyway?") Taran Killian also turned in a spot-on impression of Donald Trump, which his Donaldness also loved. How Presidential! Next week, Amy Schumer takes the wheel. Expect her to say something about the recent gun tragedy in Oregon. She takes this thing VERY seriously after a shooting at a screening of her movie, TRAINWRECK.

Before the 41st season kickoff, NBC screened Bao Nugyen's SNL documentary, LIVE FROM NEW YORK!, which also happened to be the opener of this year's Tribeca Film Festival. In many ways it's very good, (A look behind the scenes of a spoof promo for CNN's Don Lemon, an examination of SNL's treatment of women and minorities,a report on how SNL unified New York and America after 9/11, and a look at SNL versions in Korea and Quebec) but the fuss over Leslie Jones' sarcastic ode to slavery (including a sizable chunk of TMZ's coverage) as well as not dedicating the movie to the memory of Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Terry Sweeney, Phil Hartman, and Chris Farley left a bitter taste in my mouth. (There's also a brief look at SNL licensed products. Full disclosure, I gave my trainer, the lovely Julie Leonard, lip balm inspired by a commercial for a spoof of Taco Bell called Taco Town, and their specialty, a Chicago-style pizza taco. She loves it, and she HATES fast food!) The film begins with a chilling retrospective of the 70's in New York set to Gil Scott-Heron's tone poem, "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and does its best to convey the full SNL experience, although at times its best falls short of absolute perfection.If I had just a few dollars to my name and could only buy either a DVD of this movie or a sandwich, I'd buy the DVD but save a little for the sandwich.(On a personal note, if you please: During the mid-90's, it was my pleasure to work for Broadway Video, the producer of SNL, THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON, LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS, SETH MEYERS' THE AWESOMES, and PORTLANDIA. Lorne Michaels is every bit the genius everybody says he is, and although I never got to meet him personally, I was pleased and priveleged to work with and meet, among others, Eddie Murphy, Colin Quinn, Conan O'Brien, Max Weinberg, and even my longtime bud Jim Shooter, who, after revitalizing Marvel Comics, was called upon to create a new line of heroes for what, unfortunately, became the short-lived Broadway Comics, However, all credit has to go to Lorne, because without him, there would be no Letterman, no Law & Order, no super hero movies, in short, I like to think of Lorne as the man who single-handedly revived the motion picture and television industries in New York, and it was an honor to work in his circle, no matter how little time I spent in that family.)

STEVE'S BITS Under NO circumstances whatsoever are you permitted to even THINK about watching DR. KEN starring Ken (COMMUNITY) Jeong! This Dr. NEEDS a Dr.!

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my critique of The New Yorker's recent article, "Omission!" That's on the agenda for either the next episode of this fine blog or the one after that.

Finally, our hearts and prayers go out to the victims of the Oregon tragedy, the residents of flood-ravaged Charleston, SC,and Carston Charles "C.C." Sabathia, the Yankees' star pitcher, as he begins counseling for his alcohol addiction. We hope C.C. can recover speedily, and join his teammates in wishing him all the best for a speedy recovery. (Tonight, the Yanks welcome the Houston Astros to the House that Ruth Built at 8:05 PM Eastern for the American League Wild Card Game. It's either win or go home, but if I were the Yankees, I would prefer the extra traveling in search of World Championship Number 28. You can catch it on ESPN or the Watch ESPN app, or, if you prefer the thrill of baseball on the radio, you can check out your local ESPN Radio affiliate or Gameday Audio, or if you're in the New York area, listen to every pitch on Sports Radio 66 AM and 101.9 FM, WFAN, with John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman.GO YANKS!)

Steve out!