Saturday, August 31, 2013


FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY,FINALLY,the State of Israel has joined the Steve's Blog family, and just in time for the High Holy Days! What a way to start a year! Here's hoping you guys will stick around for this and many New Years, Channukahs, Purims,   and Passovers to come. (And,of course, mad props to Nazareth where our boy J.C. of Biblical fame was born!)

I would just like to take this moment to say that I hope you guys are OK as the situation in one of your neighboring countries gets even more Syria-s. (Just wanted to lighten things up, if only a teensy bit.)

I know you guys are into baseball. This Rosh Hashonah, please say a prayer for the New York Yankees! They won last night, but they need to win ALL THEIR GAMES IN THE COMING MONTH if they want to make the Wild Card race.

Anybody out there ever been to New York City or Buffalo and remember listening to "The Rocky Allen Showgram?" It used to be a very popular radio show, and let's just say, Dave Letterman has his style and Conan O'Brien has his, and Rocky's style is closer to Conan's. Anywho, one night Rocky read a news item about a shopping center in Jerusalem, and he (and sidekick Blain Ensley) were surprised that Jerusalem had shopping centers! We've established you guys like baseball and you have shopping centers and I know you guys get CNN, SKY News, and MTV (You MIGHT want to dump MTV after that Miley twerking fiasco.). People who think you guys haven't changed since Biblical times have another think coming! (I STILL want to visit your country. I've seen footage and it looks beautiful!)

Once again, thanks for choosing this fine blog, Happy New Year, may you be inscribed for blessing in the Book of Life,AND...


P.S.:  U.S. readers, I haven't forgotten about you!  Hope you're enjoying your last Summer weekend! (DON'T give your hard-earned money to MDA this year! They bagged Jerry Lewis and scaled the telethon down to two hours. The bums!)

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Sorry, Armenia and Serbia...

...I know, you were enjoying SOB (Steve's Other Blog), but as of today, it is officially through, finished,kaputski,history,nothing but a beautiful memory, as is the Wednesday Weekend Warm-Up.

I have always agreed with the late, great Mae West when she said, "Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL!," but one of this blog's biggest fans (Here's a hint: I send her Mother's Day cards.) reminded me that I was supposed to limit production of Ye Olde Blog to twice a week. (OBTW, readership of this blog is now limited to the good old USA, the country formerly known as the USSR, China, and Morocco.)  I thought it would be exciting to extend my brand, but (SNIFF) if you want one less blog, you get one less  blog. I WOULD like to try something like "Steve's Movie," "Steve's TV Show," or "Steve's Book."

Speaking of Steve's CURRENT Book, Chapter 1 is  in the can, and I just started work on Chapter 2. Stay tuned for further updates!

Any of you readers in the USA have any plans for Labor Day? I'm  going to watch NBC's TODAY Show  live and in person at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. I haven't actually seen more than ten seconds of Savannah Guthrie's performance, (Maybe it's just as well!) but she DOES have a checkered past as the Peacock Network's chief legal eagle, and, who knows? She may actually do something her predecessors (Barbara Walters, Jane Pauley, Deborah Norville,Katie Couric, or even the lady who was bumped to make room for her, Ann Curry) might do, and with equal gravitas. One never knows,   do one?

STEVE'S ONE LINER: Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber have just released a single called "Twerkin'", in celebration of the nearly obscene dance  she  has  been doing lately.
The groan you hear is that of the dead horse they have just flogged.

I still love the New York Yankees, but some days I just wish they'd get it over with and let me enjoy football, hockey and basketball!

Well, as local sports commentator Howie Rose would say, "PUT IT IN THE BOOKS!" I'll see you again during the Labor Day Weekend, hope it's a great one, and I hope you follow Mr. H. Dumpty's example and
have a great Fall! (Just don't get all cracked up!)


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Miley, Get Out Of Showbiz. Now. While You Still Can.

If a certain young lady born Destiny Hope Cyrus and since renamed Miley Ray Cyrus is reading this blog, I have something to say.

Get out of showbiz.

The sooner the better.

You don't need to gyrate like a burlesque queen to prove  to the world you're not sweet little Hannah Montana anymore.

If the world is looking for proof that you're still a great singer without the wig, they need only go to YouTube and search for your powerhouse covers of your godmother Dolly Parton's "Jolene,"  one with an acoustic guitar and background singers,the other one performed on Hallmark Channel with Dolly herself.

Hang up the mike  PRONTO and find another line of work.

Be a doctor.

Be a lawyer.

Be a Las Vegas Playboy Club Bunny, if it satisfies your urge to act like a sexy non-Disney person.

Heck, I'll  even be happy if you cover everything up and become a nun, if it makes the Guy Upstairs happy.

If you still want to rock the mike, here's a  song I want you to sing:


Get out now,Miles.Peace and quiet for me,  and a better job for you.

Now that would REALLY be The Best Of Both Worlds.

Last week,  I got some complaints that I was on too much of a rant. If I was, I'm sorry, but this  week, I believe I have every reason. (I WILL seek out a publisher for my book.)

SPOILER ALERT: Maggie is  inspired by Miley. Actually she's  inspired by an alternate universe Miley who quit this whole dirty dancing thing and entered a more positive line of work like journalism. Not a bad idea, said he modestly.

Once again,  welcome aboard, Morocco, and I'll  see you and all my other countries on Friday.

Here's looking at you,kid!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Look Who's Back!

It's our old friends CHINA AND GERMANY! Glad you decided to come back. Mebbe someone told you that a budding author is in charge of this fine blog.

I would like to address some comments about my upcoming book  LOVE IS ON THE AIR, coming soon to a bookshelf near you. I AM happy for my friends who have had success with self-publishing, but, seriously, how can you call it SELF-publishing if you have to surrender your first-born to some stranger who  will  probably edit the heck out of it?(The book, Silly!) You have to remember, editors killed Superman and Phoenix from the X-Men! I know, they came back,but that doesn't completely absolve them! I believe that MY idea of self-publishing is better, old-fashioned as it may be, because you actually TALK TO REAL LIVE HUMAN BEINGS who place pictures of Uncle George, Uncle Abe, and Uncle Andy in your hand when you sell your books on the street, or, if such is the case, send thank-you notes to nice people who order your book by mail FROM YOU, not from some river in South America!  As  I hinted last time, I haven't exactly had the best of friendships  with Random House. I wrote a novel I thought was the greatest since Gatsby, dropped it off with some friends in the mailroom, and what do they do? REJECT IT! Forget school libraries, Big Book
(Penguin Random House, Harper for example) is the greatest threat to literary freedom today, and those so-called "self-publishers"? They ain't so great either! I'm  Steven Eisenpreis, and I approve this message.

Ooooookay, time to climb down from my soapbox and make a major clarification. When I said the girl who was injured in that taxi accident was OK, I should have said at least she was ALIVE, although I know she's
not very well. I just hope that guy who thought he was A.J. Foyt (Google him!) either takes a safe driving course or gets ready to pack his bags for a LOOOOOOONG vacation on Ryker's Island.

It's not like I'm  really giving anything away, but as  my upcoming book is  set in the world of cable TV, I'm dedicating it to a pioneer of cable news,  my close,  warm, personal friend Mary Alice Williams who has worked for Lifetime, Verizon, The CW's New York home, PIX 11,  NBC and CBS on the local and national levels, and, more importantly, CNN, which many people called Chicken Noodle News, but became the Network Of Record for the 80's  and much of the 90's. As  M.A., as her posse called her, was a cable bigwig, I had what I consider now to be a very weird notion that she was invited to EVERYTHING cable, including the MTV Video Music Awards, which, in the 80's, featured everything from New York's  feisty mayor Ed Koch borrowing Michael Jackson's sparkling glove to Madonna's  controversial performance of "Like A Virgin." (which  was  recreated by Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and ended with Brit-Brit and Madge's even-more controversial girl-on-girl kiss) She said,no,  and  she didn't have any regrets, because she thought the VMA's were, AND  I QUOTE DIRECTLY, "dumb." I still have no idea of MTV's whereabouts when brains were being handed out, because instead of going back to where it all began thirty years ago, Radio City Music Hall in New York, they're going to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn without any regard whatsoever for the greatest moments in VMA  history! (My favorites: When MTV invaded the cultural capital of the East Coast, Lincoln Center in 1999, Jay Leno riding onstage in a motorcycle,Beyonce hugging Taylor Swift after Kanye West interrupted her award presentation,and I can't finish THIS train of thought without mentioning at least ONE Michael Jackson  memory: He and his then-wife Lisa Marie  Presley came onstage and kissed and he said, "And they said it wouldn't last!") As somebody who lives a good walk away from Madison Square Garden and loves the Knicks, Rangers  and Liberty and respects the tradition of the World's Most Famous Arena, I believe the Barclays is the WORST thing to happen to New York area sports and entertainment. It's better suited to funerals than to basketball games and concerts,and I believe worldwide audiences are going to tune away in droves when they see the House That Jay-Z Built, more a tribute to himself than to anything else.

ONE LAST THING: The week of September 2 begins with the culmination of America's  Labor Day Weekend, and Rosh Hashonah, the beginning of the Jewish New Year falls on Wednesday the 4th, so the weekday Steve's Blog will be published on September 2, and we'll return to our regular schedule the following week with ONE exception: The Weekend Blastoff will be published on September 12,not only because the following day is Friday the 13th, but because Yom Kippur, the long Jewish Day of Atonement, (which may be familiar to some of you goyim who heard Train's "50 Ways to Say Goodbye") begins on the 13th, which means we'll meet back here on the 15th.

As for THIS weekend, hope you're enjoying it, and I'll see you on HUMP DAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Welcome to the Weekend!

Greetings, Literature Lovers!

Remember last time when I told you I was working on a love story ripped from the headlines? Well,  the working title, as of now, is  LOVE IS ON THE AIR, a little play on a  song Sondheim was GOING to use in "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum" entitled "Love Is IN The Air." I chose it, because this book is a rom-com-dram inspired by a certain  cable content battle, which, by the way, tonight ceased temporarily for the New York City Comptroller's Candidates Debate. (Isn't it always the way? They pause for the important playoffs and debates and then, WHAM!)

My Romeo is Ronald Kent, a child of privilege who buys his way into the CEO-ship  of Roy Walters Pictures, a one-time family entertainment powerhouse now trying to cope with internal battles and competition with other forms of entertainment, merges it into Now,Inc., a publishing and cable juggernaut, and, right after a recent recession,  spins Now Walters Cable off into its own company with himself as the CEO.

My Juliet is Maggie May Simons,the daughter of a failed country music superstar who takes a different path from rags to riches. She gets a job as an on-air reporter for the local UBC affiliate and works her way up to anchor and eventually president of news before answering the call from the network to move to New York and take over the news division. (Eventually, she becomes CEO of the whole danged operation!)

I'll pass along more deets as they become available, such as whether I land a major publisher like my frenemies at Random House, (Remind me to tell you about that later!) or just take it down to the Staples, make a few copies, and send them directly to you (and by you I mean ALL of you!) for a mere pittance. Keep watching this space!

When they say anything can happen in New York, they ain't just whistling "Give My Regards to Broadway!" Some of you may have heard about the cabbie whose vehicle jumped the curb in a heated argument with a bike messenger and injured an innocent bystander from the UK who was just buying a hot dog. Thank Gosh the lady is OK, (Among the people who lent many hands was  a guy who not only IS a doctor but plays one on TV, the one and only Dr. Mehmet Oz. He was on official business at the FOX Center at 1211 Avenue of the Americas when he saw the accident. Who says heroes are hard to find?) and thank the New York Post for printing an exclusive interview with the cabbie confessing that he can't drive. Ya think?

Attention all investors in stocks on NASDAQ: You can breathe now! The  computer glitch that slowed the market down for three hours have been fixed. You can now use your local bridge for walking and driving, and NOT jumping!

AND FINALLY: Congratulations to Ben Affleck on playing the new Batman in the sequel to Man Of Steel. You are now officially one more man who will pale in comparison to Adam West!

See you again during the weekend!

LATE BREAKING NEWS: China has left the building! Rule Number One: Never trust a country where they eat dogs.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I hate to start this Wednesday Weekend Warmup on a sour note, but a few days ago, Lee Thompson  Young, the star of Disney Channel's  first Original Series,  THE FAMOUS JETT JACKSON and TNT's RIZZOLI  AND ISLES, left the world at an all-too-early age. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and his RIZZOLI  AND ISLES family.

Why does Britain keep leaving this blog? At least Holland's back, so welkom terug, (Welcome back!) and thank your wooden shoes for clip clopping this way!

If you haven't read SOB,  or Steve's Other Blog, you haven't missed a whole lot, but Serbia, Denmark, and Russia love it, so I must be doing SOMETHING right! You can check out the inaugural other blog at . (That's Steve Eisenpreis' Blog 2.!)

I  may have told you that I was walking in the Damon Runyon 5k to benefit cancer research at Yankee Stadium. Despite overcast skies for much of the morning, it was a great day out as people from all over New  York and New Jersey (and even Boston!) converged upon the Cathedral of Baseball intent on knocking cancer out of the park FOR GOOD! As I  am a walker and not a competitive runner, I elected to walk in the final heat. Unfortunately, I missed WNBC sports anchor/WWE locker-room reporter Scott Stanford who handled the MC duties, but I more than made up for it walking where 28 World Series championships have been won. I got to see the famous Yankee Stadium field as only players usually see it, and then climb ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP OF THE STADIUM! I know, sounds tedious and torturous, but once you've done it, you have the satisfaction of doing a good thing to help bring about the end of cancer. (I also got some practice going down the stairs of the Metro-North station at nearby 153rd Street!)

Hands, how many here are fans of the surviving LAW & ORDER series and their "ripped-from-the-headlines" dramas? WOW, either people want a hall pass to use the facilities or they still love L&O! Well, this just in, Yours Truly is working on a ripped-from-the-headlines LOVE STORY about a girl from Tennessee who works her way up to become the CEO of America's number one network and a guy from the Island who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth who leads the second largest cable company from sea to shining sea and....well, let's just say, even if they had all the TIME in the world, nobody could WARN HER about what was coming next! Watch this space as details on this literary labor unfold!

That's it for now, but see y'all in about 48 hours! (Boy, I'm  starting to sound like my characters! Is that...WRONG? Well, I don't want to be right!)

Bye, Buckaroos!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

My Favorite Polish Jokes (Thanks for dumping this blog, Poland!)

What do you get when you integrate around Europe?
Zero, because there are no poles in Europe. (Actually, there are Poles in Europe, but they're removable.)

How do you get a Pole out of the bathtub?
Throw in a bar of soap.

What's delaying the Polish  space program?
Development of a working match.

How do you ruin a Polish party?
Flush the punch bowl.

How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree?
Wave to him.

Sorry, but we're all so danged politically correct these days, a little laugh (especially at the expense of a country that wouldn't know a good blog if it walked up to it and punched it in the nose) is always welcome, so, no nasty comments, 'Kay? (I'm not going all Howard Stern on you people, even though I've met the real Sterno, and he's not such a bad guy once you've met him!)

See you all on Hump Day!
P.S.: Thank you also, Russia and the Netherlands! I knew I could count on you for your continued support...NOT!

Thursday, August 15, 2013


Congratulations on surviving another work week! (If you've been enduring the storms in the Northeast and Southwest of the USA, hope you, and all the animals, had a great ride on the Ark!)

I have friends who have a love/hate relation with THE BACHELOR and THE BACHELORETTE. Des was the gal we  all loved and cried  along with, but there were others in the past, like Ashley Prevet Rosenbaum. She was cute, but everything she said was a question? It was annoying?

Unfortunately, one of the lovely ladies looking for a long-term relationship, Gia Allemand, succumbed to her inner demons and took her own life in New Orleans this past week, with her NBA boyfriend powerless to save her. My thoughts and prayers go out to my Bachelorphile friends, as well as to Ali Fedetowsky, who has discovered life after THE BACHELOR as the host of NBC 4 New York's FIRST LOOK NYC.

Although there are theatregoers the world over (and amateur thespians at high schools and colleges the world over) who are familiar with Sarah Brown, the Mission Doll, Sky Masterson, Nicely Nicely Johnson, Adelaide, and Good Old Reliable Nathan, not many people are familiar with their creator, sportswriter Damon Runyon, whose  books and articles inspired Frank Loesser's "Musical Fable of Broadway," GUYS AND DOLLS. These days, Runyon's name is more synonymous with a Foundation For Cancer Research, and this weekend, a 5k Run/Walk at Yankee Stadium dedicated to raising needed funds for the Foundation.
Guess who will be walking this weekend? Awwww,somebody must have told ya!

That's right, True Believers, yours truly will be walking in the Runyon 5k this weekend, and watch this space for a complete report!

Am I increasingly becoming the only one in the United States of America who  thinks the CBS/Time Warner standoff can be easily resolved by a merger?  All  you guys have to do is hash out the legal details, decide which departments could be easily consolidated, (For example, TWC's  NY1 in the City and YNN in Albany and the CBS affiliates in the respective markets could anchor a "national local"  cable news network that would provide an alternative to FNC and MSNBC.) who goes and who stays,promotion, that kind of thing. How about it, CBS and TWC? Ready to get out of the ring and walk the aisle? My mom can't wait for BLUE BLOODS and neither can I for Gang Green, which is what we New York Jets fans call our team who play on CBS Sports on Sunday afternoons!

Opening this weekend: A  movie that I may have to refer to as "Kick Posterior 2"  or "Kick Bum 2." Maybe I might not see it  at  all, because  it seems to revel in all that profanity,and if you've been  reading since Day 1,you  know  how I feel about people who go crazy with all those cuss words. Maybe it might actually be as good as its predecessor, which showed  us that Chloe Grace Moretz. who  played the pint-size potty mouth Hit Girl, is not your average kid actress.

That's all  for now, but have a great weekend, and I'll see you one more time during it!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Where Did Summer Go?

Happy Happy Hump Day!

Germany has vacated the premises AGAIN, (Good luck to them. They'll need it!) but we have a new country "in da house," so let's all say, "HUANYING, ZHONGGUO!" (Welcome, China!) I am well-aware about your standing as a business partner with the United  States and its Western bretheren, and I will do everything humanly possible to insure that this blog is acceptable reading, while continuing to provide my own  unique  mix of impartial reporting and snappy patter.

Although I have never had the pleasure to visit China personally, the Chinese event that affected me the most was the Summer Olympics in 2008, when the majority of the medals were won by China, the USA, and a small country called Michael Phelps. Not to take anything away from Phelpsie and the other mermen and mermaids from the USA  swimming team, but the memory of the Games that will stay with me forever is the Marathon. True, we have our own Marathon here in my hometown of New York City, (the ING New York City Marathon, to be exact) but the fact that all those  people were running competitively on  the streets of Beijing at the same time Mayor Bloomberg (NO  COMMENT!) began closing the streets of Manhattan and the Bronx to traffic the first three Saturdays in August gave me incentive to get my rear in gear and walk all the way from my home (originally in Gramercy Park, currently in Murray Hill, or, as I  call it, EaGa, for EAst of Madison Square GArden) all the way to the East Side. The name of this program is SummerStreets,  but Mother Nature being the fickle lady she is, it's hard sometimes for the program to live up to its billing. Traditionally, August weather is oppressively hot and can often sloooooooow things doooooooown, hence the nickname, the "Dog Days of Summer," but sometimes,July can be as oppressive as August, packing a powerful punch right after our July 4th Celebration here in the States. As  Summer is also  part of Hurricane Season, rain has been known to rear its ugly head just as we  begin to enjoy the Summer warmth we've waited all year for, but it also reminds us that the Fall can't be too far behind and often gives us a sneak preview of the upper 70-low 80 temps we usually expect then, but, Your Obedient Servant believes we were robbed this August, and we  were entitled to those 90-110 temps that are usually part and parcel of August. I will agree with those guys and dolls who say that this August has been a nice one for weather, but it has also been downright un-American! (How's Summer in Beijing? Use the comment box or tweet me @SEisenpreis using the hashtag #BeijingSummer. The best tweets will get honorable mention, although I might try a little something special, just for my PROC readers.)

By the way, one of the favorite nonsense songs of the Jurassic days of my youth was a little ditty called "Come To The Supermarket in Old Peking." I know  of the supermarkets in London, such as Asda, Safeway, and the famous Food Hall of Harrods, and Carrefour, Europe's famous hypermarket, but, while I have you here, Beijing, what are your supermarkets REALLY like? Tweet me at the aforementioned Twitter name using #BeijingMarket. Just asking!

That's  30 for now, but China, Britain, and the rest of you, (including, of course, the Good Old USA!) I'll see you all during the weekend. How did that old song go? "Everybody's working for the weekend.." (And that's all I can use without getting sued for copyright infringement.)

Zaijian, Buckaroos!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Weekend Update

Before we go any further, Welkom terug Nederland! (Welcome back,Netherlands!)



On behalf of my fellow Americans, I would like to apologise for the abysmal remake of THE LONE RANGER galloping into cinemas throughout the UK this weekend. We know you loved HOW THE WEST WAS WON, SHANE,HIGH NOON, and other Western favourites and they made your hearts skip a beat.
I love the studio that made this fiasco in spite of everything, but I can understand if it the only feeling it gives you is Disney spells!

I would also like to apologise for New York City mayoral candidate Anthony D. Weiner and his conduct towards ITV reporter Lucy Watson during which he mocked her accent while she was trying to interview him. Maybe on his next hols in London he should visit the Tower. On second thought, he should move in! You can check out any time you like...actually, you can't! (That part about "never leaving" also holds true for the Tower!)

I once had the pleasure to visit the editorial offices of DOCTOR WHO MAGAZINE and meet the  talented people entrusted with the mythology of the egnimatic time traveller known only as the Doctor, so it is my happy duty to congratulate Scot Peter Capaldi on becoming the new Doctor. (I'm still not the only one who hopes the next Doctor will be played by either Helen Mirren or Emma Watson, or, better yet, James Marsden, who, after years of portraying fantasy characters, would be an ideal choice for the American Doctor that we Yank Whovians have demanded for the longest time! For the record, Marsden is solely MY idea.)

If anybody finds the real Tiger Woods, could you please direct him to Oak Hill Country Club in Rochester, NY? His impostor is tied for 39th at the PGA Championship. At least a rain delay is a win in his book!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ENGLISH CRICKETEERS? Australia made the English side feel like a one-legged man at a bum-kicking competition at the fourth Ashes Test at Chester-le-Street. My advice? Hide their entire supply of Vegemite!

As I was telling my other readers on Wednesday, football is drowning in a sea of negativity! One example is Liverpool FC whiz kid Raheem Sterling who arrived in court Thursday over an alleged assault on his beauty queen girlfriend on her birthday. He pled not guilty and will appear again at Liverpool Magistrates Court on 20 September. We need less stories like this and more stories of strikers who leave it all on the pitch!

Finally, I had the pleasure to spend my 4th of July hols at Hershey, PA, "The Sweetest Place on Earth," which was founded by master confectioner and world traveller Milton S. Hershey. Chocoholics, rejoice, for Nestle are relaunching the Wonka Bar brand with "deliciously imagined" new flavours. I don't know what M.S. would say, but Roald Dahl, author of the original book "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and creator of Willy Wonka, wouldn't say anything. His mouth would be full of the new Wonka Bar!

That's all for now, but I'll be back on Wednesday!


Friday, August 9, 2013

It's Friday, Friday, Gotta get down on Friday!

There's something I just HAVE to say before we kick off the Friday festivities:

Dobro pozhalovat nazad, Rossiya.  Welcome back,Russia. Good to have you back. (Grumble,grumble.)

I would like to start by singing the praises of somebody the rest of you have never heard of.


Gary K, Wong.

Gary K. WHO?!?!

Gary K. Wong, my broker at JPMorgan. Years before anybody knew General Electric was going to sell what would ultimately become NBC Universal to Comcast, he hooked me up with both stocks, and now that the twain have met,distribution of NBCU content from MEET THE PRESS to  baseball on Comcast SportsNet is NOT a problem. Xfinity (That's Comcast's cable service.) customers can just pick up their remotes and BOOM! Brian Williams tells 'em what went on in the world, they can catch up with SVU and
"Parks and Rec," they can laugh with SNL's answer to Will Rogers, Mr. Seth Meyers, they can even revel in Kathie Lee and Hoda's conspicious consumption, if they so choose.

I wish CBS viewers in Time Warner Cable service areas were this lucky.

Perhaps if CBS and TWC buried the hatchet and merged, if some predict they will, the Eye Network would recoup all the lost viewers for THE BIG BANG THEORY, HAWAII FIVE-O, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (especially now, since we FINALLY meet their mother!) and also gain access to TWC's local news channels, their sizable fleets of ENG (Electronic News Gathering) vans, and legions of anchors and commentators, some of whom are nationally known. Comcast's fortune has improved exponentially after adding NBC, NBC Sports Network, CNBC, MSNBC, Syfy, The Weather Channel, A&E,Biography,Lifetime, Universal Sports and Universal HD to a stable that already includes Comcast SportsNet, E! Entertainment Television, Fandango, and Xfinity and its subscribers coast-to-coast.I can imagine nothing less for CBS and Time Warner Cable. They have to kiss and make up first.

As we go to press, President Obama has just wrapped up a press conference during which he said WE WILL NOT BOYCOTT THE SOCHI OLYMPICS. You better not screw this up, Russia, savvy? I got my eye on you!

Emma Roberts ("Unfabulous," "Nancy Drew," and the new "We're The Millers (If Anyone Asks)")had to fork over mucho buckos, like everybody else, to get a cronut, which, if you haven't heard, is half croissant and half donut. (Jay Leno thinks the only people who'd want those babies are "midiots," who are half moron and half idiot.)

Another movie I either will or won't see is Disney's PLANES. On the one hand, I was a fan of the original CARS from its animation to its script to all that great music and I just plain love planes, (Sorry, just couldn't resist!) On the other hand, the scribes say it should have flown straight to video. Hmmmmmm.

Tonight, A-Rod steps up to the plate at the Big Ballpark in the Boogie-Down, a/k/a Yankee Stadium. Any bets this is his LAST. GAME. EVER?

Speaking of which, the New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils skate into a snow-covered House That Ruth Built this season for the NHL Stadium Series. Most likely I'll be there wearing my gloves with the interlocking NY and my Ranger hat, gloves and scarf!

Have a great weekend, everybody!

See you again during the weekend!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Mid-Week Meditation

First of all, wilkommen zuruch, Deutschland! (Welcome back, Germany!) Bienvenue, France! (Welcome, France!) Witamy z powrotem, Polska! (Welcome back, Poland!)

Second of all, RUSSIA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And don't come back until Snowden has left your country and flies home to stand trial!

Show of hands,how many of my American readers have seen the GEICO spot about a talking camel who asks his co-workers, "WHAT DAY IS IT?" and then answers, "IT'S HUUUUUUUUUUUMP DAAAAAAAAAY!"
THAT many?!?!?

It IS Wednesday, or Hump Day, and I AM ready to celebrate the fact that we're about to go "over the hump" (Wednesday being similar to a camel's hump) and get that much closer to the weekend, but this Wednesday, I'm taking a rain check on the festivities and meditating on a VERY important topic. SERIOUSLY!

My friends in Germany, France and Poland have one thing in common with us Americans: WE LOVE OUR SPORTS! It pains me to know that there are more than a few rotten apples in the bunch who try to ruin our enjoyment.

I'm sure even my overseas friends have heard about A-Rod, alias Alexander Rodriguez, alias Alexander the Not-So-Great, who wears #13 for the New York Yankees, who is one of many players either suspended or awaiting suspension for using performance enhancing drugs. After last night's debacle in Chicago, banning him FOR LIFE from baseball would make even more sense than ever. A-Rod, give us baseball fans A-Break and just say goodbye!

No matter whether you call it soccer, football, futbol, pilka nozna or fussball, it's still the beautiful game, prompting its supporters the world over to call in sick, raise a pint for your favorite side, or, in the case of South Africa, BLOW THOSE DANGED VUVUZELAS AND DRIVE MY FORMER TRAINER ANNETTE TOTALLY CRAZY! But, unfortunately, violence and racism have left their scars on the beautiful game, most of it coming from those supporters. Come on, fandom! Your favorite players deserve better! It's time to stop this name-calling and re-embrace footy as the uniter it truly is.

Speaking of racism, I'm truly surprised to find out that Hugh Douglas, an ESPN analyst for OUR brand of football as played by the National Football League, called his partner on The Worldwide Leader's daily show NUMBERS NEVER LIE, Michael Smith, an Uncle Tom and the N-word at, of all places, the National Association of Black Journalists convention, and this hasn't been the first time. Douglas also levelled some not-so-nice remarks at his and Smith's partner, Jemele Hill. Hugh should be penalized for illegal use of the mouth!

Finally, staying on racism, the statue of Jackie Robinson, a worldwide symbol of equality, that guards the entrance to MCU Park, the home of the minor league Brooklyn Cyclones, has been covered with racist grafitti. I won't even dignify that with a comment except to say, THE NERVE.

Remember, sports fans, play hard, but play fair, and let's be nice to each other. After all, we're the only human race we've got!

See you on the weekend!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Horsing Around In The Garden State

PREVIOUSLY IN STEVE'S BLOG: (OK, coming up on two months ago)

(sound of tires screeching)

OK, long story short. I went to the Belmont Stakes coming up on two months ago,thought I'd get an interview with NBC's Michelle Beadle, saw an exciting feature, made a nice piece of change off the undercard,  went home happy.

While the Hambletonian, where I went yesterday, isn't the iconic sports event the VISA Triple Crown Challenge (the Belmont, the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes) is, it still is the biggest date on the harness  racing calendar.The Hambo, as it's known to afficionados, has moved from state to state unlike the aforementioned thoroughbred races, which rank among the best-attended events in all of sports  and, having spent long periods of time in their respective cities, have become part of each city's local identity.The Hambo began in Syracuse, NY in 1926 before moving to Lexington, KY in 1927, Goshen, NY in 1930, Yonkers, NY during WWII, Duquoin,IL in  1957, and Meadowlands  Racetrack in 1981, where it has been held ever since. This Hambo was the last at the current iteration of "The Big M," as  a new track with that name, located directly across from the current location, will open on November 20. The Hambletonian is the first event in the United States Trotting Triple Crown, open to three-year-old standardbreds,and, like the Breeders' Crown, sponsored by the Hambletonian Society, an organization dedicated to standardbred racing.

Unlike the Triple Crown  races,  which are main events,  the Hambo is run in three heats and a final, along with what is now the John W. Cashman Memorial Tournament (named for a prominent racing executive who also happened to be the father of Yankees  General Manager Brian Cashman) and the Hambletonian Oaks, a race for fillies. (How's  this for a coinkydink? One  of the horses was named A Perfect Yankee!)

Like the Triple Crown, the Hambo has oodles of events for the whole family, but wheras the Belmont's family fun events were located in the backyard, the Hambo's events are usually hosted in the paddock. While the Belmont hosts talent like Broadway belter Linda Eder, the Hambo tends to lean towards acts like New Jersey's #1 party band, and I'm not talking about Bon Jovi or the E Street Band but,uh, the NERDS. (This is not to belittle them, they are a GREAT band, believe me!)While the Belmont is frequented by media titans such as Don Imus, Yankee play-by-play man Michael Kay,CNN Sports veteran and racing enthusiast Nick Charles, and syndicated radio host Dan Patrick,the media star of this year's Hambo was a certain Mr. Monkey Boy. (Actually, his real name is Joe Pardavilla, but his bosses, WPLJ radio's Scott Shannon and Todd Pettengill, created a story that he was a monkey boy featured in the pages of the National Enquirer who  they found on the side of road, shaved, and gave a shower.) Monk and I go WAAAAAAAAAAY back, and he teases me about my collection of station tchotchkes, but I know he means no ill intent, unlike a lot of others in the business. Both races give the guys a chance to talk to some cuties in racing silks, (Sorry if I sound like a sexist, but those ladies don't exactly look like Phyllis Diller!)but while the Belmont's cuties are usually promoting some racing newspaper or cable channel, the Hambo's ladies were real jocks and the mud and dust on their outfits and helmets certainly gave it away,.

As for national exposure, the Triple Crown has been on all three of the traditional networks (including ESPN on ABC), while, this year, the Hambo was broadcast by CBS Sports Network, formerly CBS College Sports, formerly College Sports Television (CSTV). The things some people will do to get out of college!



BTW, Bee A Magician won the Hambletonian Oaks. Guess you can say she made the other horses disappear!

I won in each of the heats, but there was ONE TEENY TINY PROBLEM, actually two. I had to wait for the second New Jersey Transit bus out from the Port Authority Bus Terminal and had to wait 45 minutes for the bus coming home, but it was still quick out and quick coming back and I didn't wait as long to come home as I usually do from Belmont.

SOOOOOOO, which race IS better? Truth to tell, it's hard to say, as each stands on its own merits, (OH, there IS one more difference, the security checks didn't take forever!) but as far as final races at New Jersey racetracks go, this year's Hambo DEFINITELY finished first!

See you during the work week!

Friday, August 2, 2013

And Then, There Were Two


Now the bad news, Steve's Blog is  currently read in TWO COUNTRIES!

Now the worse news, the other country is RUSSIA! (I know,  I know,  I'm not supposed to diss the countries that support this blog, but with all due respect, comrades,LETTING THIS SECURITY RISK LOOSE IN YOUR COUNTRY?!?!? OFFERING HIM A PLACE TO LIVE AND A  PLACE TO WORK?!?? SERIOUSLY???!?

Since I'm down to two countries, it's time for a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! (Drum roll,please.)


And, in response to certain parties, I will  do my dangdest to keep  this blog brief. I KNOW YOU HAVE A CHOICE! But for now, I just thank you for reading Steve's Blog.

Anywho, since there are a lot of over-rated super hero movies in theatres this summer, I would like to talk about some UNDER-rated champions of justice. First of all, once upon a time,people turned to radio for the adventures of heroes such as Superman, the Lone Ranger, and a certain pilot named CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT.His secret identity was pilot Jim "Red" Albright, and he led a paramilitary organization called the Secret Squadron, Although he started flying before WWII, he became a popular hero and role model during that difficult time in our Nation's history.

After being held hostage by The Wander Company, parent company of CM's  sponsor, Ovaltine, the old Captain is back and flying in his eponymous comic book published by Dark Horse, the originator of such groundbreaking characters as The Mask, Concrete, and Hellboy as well as the  company that has given new life to properties such as the STAR WARS movies, Conan The Barbarian, and the characters of MGM's greatest cartoon director, the one and only Fred "Tex" Avery. Although he may seem dated, the Dark Horse CAPTAIN  MIDNIGHT is worth a test flight.

Also worth a look is THE AWESOMES, a super-spoof created by and starring the voice of SNL alum Seth Meyers as Doctor Professor Brock Awesome, son of Golden Age paragon of virtue Mr. Awesome, who leaves his super team after seventy years.Now that Mr. Awesome and most of the original team have left, who will save the world? Brock and his sidekick Muscleman go to the ends of the earth to find five more heroes to help them, and if THESE guys are Earth's last hope, it's about time to find a new planet,  but this show,which you can only find on, , is as funny and well-animated as anything you're liable to find on Adult Swim or  FOX's Animation Domination.

See you two more times this week!

P.S.: A  special shoutout to my fans in Flint, Saginaw, and Bay City, MI! I have AT LEAST one fan in the area, but I figured they deserved a little positive publicity!