Monday, October 28, 2013

#75 (Diamond Anniversary!)Stevie In Front Of The TV:Once Upon A Time In Wonderland

When the Muppets tackled ALICE IN WONDERLAND (starring Brooke Shields in the title role), their mini-musical adaptation ended in true Muppet style:

TWEEDLEDEE: What was that noise?
TWEEDLEDUM: Lewis Carroll spinning in his grave!

Well,  Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, creators of the original ONCE UPON  A TIME, and Jane Espenson and Zac Estrin of LOST fame, expect a similar earthquake after foisting ONCE UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND upon an unsuspecting world. This version begins with a young Alice the way Disney artist supreme Mary Blair imagined her, innocent with blonde hair and pinafore as first depicted by Sir John Tenniel, running through the streets of London eager to tell her father about the wonderful adventures she had just experienced only to find an  abusive monster about to commit her to an insane asylum. Despite a brilliant performance by John Lithgow as the voice of the White Rabbit, WONDERLAND does little to honor the memory of Lewis Carroll, his two classic tales, and the unique worlds they created. So far I have seen the Knave of Hearts (who stole those tarts) revealed to be Will Scarlet from Robin Hood's Merry Men and Alice herself in a passionate love affair with Cyrus the genie. Curioser and curioser my Aunt Petunia! More like crazier and crazier! Never mind the Jabberwock, beware this show! Or, long story short, KICK IT!

Well, gang, Halloween is upon us,and not only does it bring ghosts and goblins, but it also means colder days are on the way. Not to worry, Summer is just a DVR away. I recommend STEVEN SPIELBERG PRESENTS TINY TOON ADVENTURES: HOW I SPENT MY VACATION (Warner Home Entertainment) starring Babs and Buster Bunny (no relation), Plucky Duck, Hamton J. Pig and the entire Acme Acres gang from the classic FOX Kids show taking off for the summer and taking off on everything from "Deliverance" to "The Little Mermaid" (TINY TOON writer and producer Sherri Stoner was also the live-action model for Ariel, who was also inspired by Disney animator Glen Keane's wife and Alyssa Milano, who, ironically, is afraid of water.), and Disney's TEEN BEACH MOVIE, starring Ross Lynch ("Austin and Ally") as Brady, a fan of the classic teen beach movie "Wet Side Story" (a spoof of the less than Sondheim-esque American International musicals of the early 60's) and Maia Mitchell as McKenzie, his friend who has to catch a flight to college, but who, along with Brady, get swept into the movie by a freak tidal wave. (BTW, TEEN BEACH MOVIE is dedicated to the memory of Disney Legend Annette Funnicello. I'm sure she'd love it.) Just search your favorite site or store, put 'em on your player, and COWABUNGA! Surf's  up! (You may want to put the SPF 45 on!)

Have a scary good time!

Friday, October 25, 2013

#74 A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

...for the  Ukraine and China, who have returned to SteveNation. Now, don't run away again, or I'll send  the dogs to follow your scent! Just kidding! (And farewell to Russia.  AGAIN.)

  I was just watching the classic Halloween episode of  HANNAH MONTANA, "Torn Between Two Hannahs," wherein  Miley's cousin Luann comes all the way from Tennessee and attempts to expose Miley's secret (Dum-dum-DUMMMM!) and BTW,   both characters were played, and played well, by Miley Cyrus. In one scene, Miley says, "Underneath those cute little piggy tails are devil horns." Isn't it ironic, as Alanis Morrisette sang, "Doncha think," that the real Miley would later roll her hair into devil horns? As longtime fans of this blog are doubtless aware, I  miss the old Miley, but I DID see a glimmer of hope when I saw her in a beautiful Marc Jacobs gown. Maybe she  IS reevaluating her actions!

    I have just heard that those Chicken McNuggets I have loved so much are NOT real chicken! Next thing you'll know, somebody's going to unmask Santa Claus as a pedophile who loves to overeat,spend money on gifts and surveillance equipment,employ sweatshop labor,abuse animals, and break into other people's houses!

    Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox on winning the first game of the World Series! One down, three (I hope!) to go!
     Also, break up the New York Giants! They won their first game of the year against the Minnesota Vikings!  They're too powerful! Can't wait to see how they fare against the first place Philadelphia "Iggles," as they call 'em over there!
     Finally, move over, Animal Planet's "Puppy Bowl!" You have competition on Super Sunday. Hallmark Channel is hosting the first annual "Kitty Bowl," with Yankee announcer John Sterling handling the play-by-play and animal activist (and Mrs.Howard Stern) Beth Stern handling the color commentary. I remember first hearing John as an  announcer with the Atlanta Braves and Hawks  before joining the Yanks. I forgive him for his stint as an announcer with the New York Islanders. Everybody makes mistakes! (Take it from a guy who knows! Just see recent editions of this blog and you'll smell what the Steve is cookin'!) He may not use the slogans that have endeared him to Yankee fans, ("It's an A-Bomb from A-Rod!")

   If it's Madison Square Garden, quite nicely! I haven't been inside the newly transformed World's Most Famous Arena just yet, but I have seen Chase Square, the new lobby, and it looks tres cool! I can't wait to see it from the inside! (I just hope it gives the Knicks and Rangers incentive to play better games!)

    ...Bettijane Eisenpreis took issue with the last paragraph of my Sandy report last blog saying that she wouldn't want another Sandy. Well, Mom, with all due respect, NOBODY wants a Sandy-like storm any more than anybody EXPECTS the Spanish  Inquisition. (Remember the classic Monty Python bit?)When a kid invited me into a hurricane simulator at the Whitaker Center in Harrisburg,all those Sandy memories came right back to me! I'm just trying to show our international readers that we Americans are up to any challenge,  whether it comes from  Osama bin Laden,Sadaam Hussein, Superstorm Sandy, or Eric Schonfeld! (My downstairs neighbor at 32 Gramercy Park. He could be quite the dictator if he wanted to be!)

Well, that's it for now, but, whether you're putting the finishing touches on your costume, looking for a pumpkin, or just chilling out watching the games,(Take the Giants over the Eagles by a touchdown!) have a great weekend!

Bye Buckaroos!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

#73 Sandy, One Year Later

Before I go any further, I always wanted to say this...


Yes, ladies and germs, we're now read in Vietnam, and now that we're all friends here, I hope you enjoy the best blog America has to offer. Well, THIS particular American anyways.

One year ago Monday, Superstorm Sandy made her presence felt across the entire Eastern Seaboard, and this was definitely one of those "Where-were-you-when...?" moments. I thought the whole thing was another Halloween hoax concocted by the lamestream media (Back in 1938, Orson Welles and his  Mercury Theatre troupe devoted the Halloween edition of their weekly radio program to a contemporary adaptation of H.G. Wells' science-fiction classic "The War Of The Worlds," and that brought the entire USA to a standstill, despite Mr. Welles' assurance that it was just their way of "putting on a sheet, jumping out of a bush, and saying Boo.") and this alleged "Frankenstorm" (Seriously?) was, as my friends in Texas are wont to say, "All hat and no cattle."

Everybody was closing up,even McDonald's and movie theatres, two places you can always count on for solace during a crisis. I vowed to stay in my palatious,  spacious, but never ostentatious estate in the Murray Hill section of Manhattan and tough it out,but I caved in to my mom's wishes and took an overnight kit over to her place (my old place)in the Gramercy Park section. We had a good home made dinner, and I went over to what was left of my old apartment to listen to the radio, but I kept hearing about Con Ed,LIPA,and PSE&G turning the power off in residences all over the Tri-State Area, even MY temporary residence. I was confident that come the dawn, the power would come back on and I  could resume a normal life. I attempted to listen to Monday Night Football, but as the evening became morning, I kept pacing  the floor and I even cried once or twice. After the game, local sports talker Steve Somers told us to thank God that we had our life even if we didn't have our power. I wanted to share his attitude of gratitude, but I kept thinking I was right in the middle of a real life horror movie.  The news made anything Hollywood could create seem benign by comparison: The mayor ordered citizens to stay inside, there was no power south of the 40's, this storm sent us back to the Stone Age. I  knew, orders are orders, but I still had to get back to the apartment and retrieve the stuff I had left there. It was a long trek on the stairs to my apartment, my home phone was dead, I didn't know how, or IF, I was going to make it through the next few days. The Greenwich Village Halloween Parade and ING New York City Marathon were both cancelled, subway service was limited,  I was praying and praying for things to get back to normal. The following Friday, the lights came back on downtown and I was all too happy to return home, sour milk, elevator delays and all.

Unfortunately, the suburbs were still powerless for a few more weeks, and LIPA customers wanted their supplier to cough up the power they were holding hostage. But, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was provided by Madison Square Garden and its Radio City Productions and  Fuse Networks divisions,  who teamed with relief organizations throughout the Tri-State to produce the 121212 Concert For Sandy Relief which featured such A-listers  as the Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, Paul McCartney,  Susan Sarandon, and even Billy Crystal and Adam Sandler for comic relief. Aired on TV and radio networks worldwide, it raked in a sizable amount of dough to provide food, medicine and temporary housing to those who needed it. Since then, Mayor Michael Bloomberg and others have sought to protect our area from the next big storm.

So,come  on,  Mother Nature, do your worst. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie may have been the first to say it, but this whole area, and America, are STRONGER THAN THE STORM.


P.S.: There may be only one horror movie in theatres this Halloween, but there are TONS of Halloween specials and movies all over TV. My fave so far is ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," starring Shay Mitchell and Ashley Benson. This ep, "Grave New World," brings the girls to a Founders' Day party in...of all places....a GRAVEYARD, and, needless to say, they are NOT in a party mood! Go to for 411  on repeat airings.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

#72 Welcome Back, Britain!

Apparently, the Special Relationship between the USA and the UK hasn't been TOTALLY blown to bits by the soap opera in Washington,  because Britain is back on board as a Steve's  Blog country! (As is Russia, and that's all I'm  gonna say about THAT.) I  don't usually plug other blogs, but if you're into comics and want a different perspective on the characters we unleashed on a grateful planet, check  out Crafty Colin Swift's comments and critiques  on "Too Busy Thinking About My Comics." (Yep! This guy also loves Motown! Nuff said!) You can find it for absolutely gratis on , and trust me, you'll be glad you did!

Speaking of things British, remember when I mentioned that Billy Shakes dude? Well, he wrote the libretto for a great British  opera entitled A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, composed by legendary composer Benjamin Britten, which Yours Truly enjoyed yesterday at Lincoln Center's  (I know,  I  should respect the English language and write "Lincoln Centre,"but that's  just how they roll!) legendary Metropolitan Opera House,  and if you're still one of those who are afraid of opera, this story of love, mistaken identity,elfin magic and spritely mischief should change your mind! Conduct a search on Google or wait until a live performance pulls into your town!

One product of the aforementioned Special Relationship is  alliances between certain Major League Baseball teams and certain Barclays Premier League clubs. One example is the union between Liverpool FC and the Boston  Red Sox. It's a little too early to think about the FA Cup,  but the Sox have shown the Tigers, Rays, and Yankees (Sob!) that they are the best team in the American League, and on Wednesday, they welcome the St. Louis Cardinals as the 2013 World Series begins. If you're over in the UK, head over to for information on where to watch,or, if you're Stateside, you can watch on your local FOX station or listen on your local ESPN Radio station or on  WEEI 93.7 FM Boston or Newsradio 1120 (AM)  KMOX St.Louis. LET'S GO SOX!

Before I make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here,I would like to ask each and every one of you to say a prayer for legendary disc jockey Casey Kasem. According to, he  has  only a few months to live. From his  weekly radio show AMERICAN TOP 40 to his cartoon  voice work,(He played everybody from  Robin the Boy Wonder to Scooby-Doo's bud Shaggy.) Casey has  been a part of our lives,  and unless  a miracle happens, his great American  success story is about to end. He will be missed.

Hmm. Not much I can say, except...

Bye, Buckaroos!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

#71 Now, Where Were We?

Welcome, SteveNation! (For a while,that included Belarus, the Ukraine,  and Russia, but  now, it's just the USA   and Germany. I would like to go on record as saying that I,STEVEN LONG EISENPREIS,  HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RECENT GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN,so  don't go abandoning this blog, all you aforementioned other countries, Okay?

Speaking of which, IT FINALLY CAME TO A WELL-NEEDED HALT! Our soldiers and  sailors can  continue receiving their paychecks, Big Bird remains  gainfully employed, and I  CAN  VISIT INDEPENDENCE HALL WHEN I GO TO PHILLY NEXT MONTH! HUZZAH!

At this point, I would like to apologize, because I've been  so distracted by the shutdown, the baseball playoffs, and the New York Comic Con, that I haven't been able to get this fine blog onto your screens. As for all those who claim that this whole shutdown  thing has made this great country seem like a group of bumbling idiots, THIS  IS  A MERE BUMP IN THE ROAD! We've been through worse and there may be some rocky times ahead, but WE WILL SURVIVE! You can't spell American without "I CAN!" All you Debbie Downers, stop complaining! We WILL emerge from this fiasco smelling like a rose, and when 2014 rears its ugly head, we will shut THAT shutdown down too! As Charles M. Schulz so brilliantly observed, "Life is like an ice cream cone. You have to learn to lick it!" Lick it we have, and LICK IT AGAIN WE WILL!

I would also like to apologize to my closest friend and toughest critic,  who happens to be Dear Old Mom, Bettijane L. Eisenpreis, and all those within the sound of my voice, for jumping the gun two days ago and saying the shutdown was already shut down back then. I misinterpeted a report from another close, warm, personal friend of mine who happens to be WPLJ New York's answer to Katie Couric  because she can transition from hard news to celebrity gossip without any difficulty whatsoever, the lovely and talented Cooper Lawrence (who just changed her Twitter handle to Spooky Lawrence apropos of the upcoming All-Hallows-Eve celebrations). I thought Coop said we HAD shut it down, but when it turnout we HADN'T, I spent most of the day wiping all the egg (and the accompanying chicken) off my embarrased mug. Apologies also to Cooper for not paying stricter attention to that one report, and, in advance, for missing her upcoming appearance at the Lincoln Center Best Buy at 1 PM this Saturday, because, I  already plan to be in that neighborhood at that particular time when the Metropolitan Opera presents their version of "A Midsummer's  Night's Dream" by my boy Billy Shakes. Lovin' ya, Coop, but there's only one me to go around! Sorry!

As for the previously alluded-to Comic Con, while they keep getting good speakers and great previews, some of the cosplayers (or costume players) are getting a little TOO crazy for my taste. Don't they have LIVES?!? (Anywho, you can look forward to Marvel's THOR: THE DARK WORLD and AVENGERS 2: AGE OF ULTRON coming to a theatre near you this Thanksgiving and in the New Year, respectively, and
sweeping changes across the DC Universe, especially with the Green Lantern Corps starting with a storyline with the title LIGHTS OUT! I had fun with Rafael Sbarge, a/k/a Jiminy Cricket and Dr. Archie Hopper from ONCE UPON A TIME and former WWE Intercontinental Champion Tito Santana, and saw an entertaining symposium on TV, role models, and the paranormal, among other things, featuring X-FILES stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.)

The Detroit Tigers put up quite a fight yesterday, but I'm confident my (temporarily) beloved Boston Red Sox can hold on and win the American League Championship and, ultimately, the World Series. LET'S GO SAWX!

Will the real Miley Cyrus please SHUT UP?!? And while you're at it, Miles, could you PLEASE cover up all that skin? The next time I hear that new song, "Wrecking Ball, "  so help me,I'm going to BARF! She was at her best during her Hannah Montana days, and nothing anybody, least of all Miley herself, says or does,  is going to change it!

I don't mind Google using our personal reviews for ads. My friend Scott Shannon has aired listener testimonials for advertisers such as NutriSystem for years and nobody complained! As  for all you bellyachers, your privacy is still your privacy, Google just wants to share your opinions with the world, so put a sock in it, OK?

Time to bring this blog to a close, but I'll be back, HOPEFULLY ON TIME, with another mind-boggling Steve's Blog.

Thanks for reading and Bye,Buckaroos!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


Last post was Number 69. THIS is Number 70! Your scorecard is now  updated!


#70 Marry,Date or Dump?

First of all, dobry dzien, Bielarus,  (Welcome,Belarus!) and plyrit, Ukrania! (Welcome, Ukraine!) I know you have your choice of blogs, I just thank you for choosing this fine blog.

Now,  I would  like to try something different. I now  submit for your approval the names of three new sitcoms:




And now, imagine those  sitcoms were beautiful girls.Which one would I  keep around for the long haul, which one  would I like to  hang out with before I committed, and which  one  would I just plain steer clear from?

I would  marry THE GOLDBERGS, which  is NOT an update of the Gertrude Berg classic,  but is,  rather, a  semi-autobiographical comedy created and produced by one Adam Goldberg  and set in the 80's. Jeff Garlin, Wendy McLendon Covey, and George Segal turn in hilarious performances as  Adam's dad, mom, and  granddad, respectively, and, with few exceptions, the hairstyles, wardrobe, and pop culture references have been meticulously researched. If you love the 80's, and sitcom families that reflect yours despite the period references, you'll love THE GOLDBERGS. Wubba wubba wubba!  (It's an 80's thing, you wouldn't understand.)

I would  date BACK IN THE GAME, starring Maggie Lawson as Terry Gannon,Jr. (Explanation coming up!), an ex-Little Leaguer who dropped  out of college, drifted from used  car dealership to used car dealership, and lives  with her dad, Terry The Cannon Gannon , a minor leaguer who  never made it to "The Show" and  who insists on referring to himself in the third person (Oh, by the way, he's played by James Caan.). This show  would like to think of itself as the millenial version of "The Bad News Bears," and, for the most part, it combines equal parts fun, heart, and baseball, but there are some portions that are clearly unsuitable for children  (and some adults).I would recommend staying with this show  and seeing whether it can smooth out all  its rough spots and become the advertisment for persistence and enjoying what you do  while you're doing it "Bears" was. This  GAME could win America over  if the producers play their cards right.

I  would dump TROPHY WIFE,  starring Malin Ackerman  in the title role, because the concept of three wives in the same family is a one-trick  pony they keep riding until it's ready for the glue factory. The Brady Bunch this ain't.

Bye Buckaroos!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

#68 A Tribute to Boston

First of all, Wilkommen , Deutschland, nice to see you back on board, and what in the Sam Heck were all the other countries THINKING?!?

Secondly, I know  what you must be thinking, laughing at those jerks on Capitol Hill and their inability to govern, but AT LEAST we gave you jazz, David Hasselhoff, and CNN, and those brave men and women on our military bases who make sure you (and we) are safe, and who listen to baseball on Armed Forces  Radio.

That leads me to my pick  for the American League Championship. As all my US readers know, I'm a proud New York Yankees fan, but despite more than a hundred years of history,twenty-seven world championships, names of players who have achieved baseball godhood, a beautiful new  ballpark and a ballfield where tomorrow's Yankees hone their craft, this season has done little to justify my loyalty.  Pitchers Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettite have hung up their gloves, Alex Rodriguez has gone from hero to zero in nothing flat, and the ailing Derek Jeter is the only link to past glories. As everybody knows, this past year has been a trying time for our friends in the beautiful City of Boston as they recover from the tragic events of the Boston Marathon. When accounts of the family tragedies spread and spread quickly, I recalled what happened here in the Big Apple on what started as a beautiful late summer morning and became another day that will live in infamy, and applauded the resillience of the Beantowners. Although, as a Yankee fan, I have an undying hatred for the Red Sox, (Bucky Dent's  Boston Massacre of 1977 and Bill Buckner's missed catch of the 1987 World Series, anyone?) my respect for the players as tough Americans who play through tragedy was awakened.

Since the Yanks have been eliminated from the playoffs, (Grumble, grumble.) I would like to tell you what I think of the Red Sox NOW: I  predict the Sox, currently 2-0 in their series with the Oakland Athletics, will
sweep the A's and Detroit, and will go on to the World Series to eliminate the Atlanta Braves in four games straight.

The Sawx have it all, great fans, great pitching, great running, great managing, a beautiful field.EVEN a great fifth-inning sing-along ("Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond). All they're missing is the League and World Championships, but THAT can be taken care of!)

Bye Buckaroos!
P.S.: I originally planned to review iHeart Radio's "Nick Radio" internet service, the dramas LUCKY 7 and BETRAYAL and the comedies BACK IN THE GAME, THE GOLDBERGS and TROPHY WIFE and the new toon from the talented Craig McCracken, ("The Powerpuff Girls," and "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends") WANDER OVER YONDER, but those, O Best Beloved,  are stories for another blog, or series of blogs.