Monday, January 26, 2015

3.3 Oh,Waiter, Another Order of Crow, With A Side Order of My Words, Please?

It has come to my attention that certain people aren't exactly loving the (admittedly lame) attempt at humor that was SB 3.2 . I HAVE seen proof that what the weather people said is indeed right, so, sing along with me, (You know the melody.)

For he's a really big dummy,
For he's a really big dummy.
For he's a really big DUM-MEEEE!
Which nobody can deny!

I STILL stand by my Super Bowl pick and my review of Bella and the Bulldogs, AND BY THE WAY, if you were thinking of seeing Ridley Scott's "EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS" starring Christian Bale as Moses and John Turturro as the Pharoah, DON'T.

In somewhat related news, ABC's "4-week comedy extravaganza" GALAVANT just ended, and left me VERY disappointed. I was hoping our hero would save the beautiful princess and kill the evil king, but he and His Majesty have apparently joined a band of pirates and the princess, who become as bad as the king was before he fell in with Galavant, has banished his friends to the dungeon. I was kinda hoping he would live happily ever after!

Well, that's it for now, but make sure you have enough to eat and your lights are on!

Bye Buckaroos!

P.S. I may be Charlie, but with great freedom of speech comes (or, to quote some versions, "there must also come") GREAT RESPONSIBILITY, not the right to be a great big butthead as I was in  SB 3.2!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

3.2 Snow Way This Is Happening!


Would you PLEASE...

SHUT THE HECK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's just going to be a few flakes on Tuesday and not Armageddon (or Snowmageddon), so take a chill pill, watch some old movies, count to ten, in short, RELAX!

Other than that, I run a clean ship, so, if you're coming here looking for some jokes about deflated balls, try looking for Howard Stern's blog.

This whole Deflategate thing is another example of much ado about nothing. (Or, as they say in the restroom at the New York Shakespeare Festival Public Theatre, much #2 about nothing, and THAT'S as off-color as I'm going to get.) Why don't we leave the science to the professionals and focus on what's important: FOUR FIFTEEN-MINUTE QUARTERS OF SMASH MOUTH FOOTBALL IN BEAUTIFUL ARIZONA!

Since I think Tom Brady is the closest thing the NFL has to Derek Jeter, (although Jetes himself didn't cheat as much as Brady is alleged to) I have respect for the history of New England, AND I have to admire Bill Bellichek's chutzpah, Stevie the Geek picks the New England Patriots to win Super Bowl 49.

(If your kids are football fans, check out Nickelodeon's new family comedy BELLA AND THE BULLDOGS. Bella Dawson (Bree Bassinger) is a cheerleader of the hapless Silverado High School Bulldogs until the star QB is injured and Coach picks HER of all people to put on the pads. This comedy from a producer of HANNAH MONTANA kicks off Saturdays at 9 PM Eastern, and it scores a touchdown every time!)

Gotta cut this short, but until next time, stay calm, kiss your mom, ban the bomb, do the best you can, remember, God loves you, man!


Thursday, January 1, 2015

3.1 The Resolution Will Not Be Televised...It Will Be Online


Welcome to the VERY FIRST Steve's Blog of 2015. I hope you enjoyed my little tribute to Casey Kasem in the Nice List (Last blog.) and thank you to all the people who told me you did, but there were also people who wanted a Reader's Digest version of the blog. Well, never let it be said that I don't aim to please. I turned the whole blog into a poem and sent it to the house that DeWitt and Lila (A) Wallace built (Reader's Digest, as if you didn't know) as part of their poetry contest. If they pick it, not only will I be five-hundred dollars richer, (Miami, here I come!) but all of you lucky people will be able to read it in the June issue of the mighty RD, available at better newsstands coast to coast. (It's also available at a few newsstands of questionable reputation, but we won't let that worry us.)

As I hinted last time, Steve's Book is about to be written and (I HOPE!) published. I resolve to you good people gathered here today that I will pitch this tome once completed to every publisher from Anaheim to Zanzibar, but I will NOT abandon the unique style that has endeared this Blog to millions (Sam Millions, my next-door neighbor.) and I WILL continue to tell it like it is and provide you with a book that will entertain and amuse you, and probably educate you if you're not careful.

Speaking of telling it like it is, I'm happy that Taylor Swift has been appointed New York City's Global Welcome Ambassador and I'm happy for her as a person, but since there are musicians who are more New York-centric such as Billy Joel, Jay-Z and Carole King and entertainers who capture the pulse of  the city better such as Jerry Seinfeld, and since Philly-born-Nashville-raised Tay-Tay became an ambassador solely on the strength of a song called "Welcome to New York" which sounds nothing like "New York State of Mind," "Empire State of Mind," or "New York, New York,", I question the City's rationale, and Ms. Swift's ambassadorial credentials. Furthermore, if Swiftie were a REAL New Yorker, she wouldn't have pranced in the middle of Times Square in such a revealing outfit during Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2014 last night. She would know that New York is not exactly the place to wear skimpy outfits in the dead of Winter. As I said, I'm just telling it like I (think it) is.

And so, we close the door on the first of many Steve's Blogs in 2015. We hope you join us on our relentless pursuit of journalistic adequacy. (Hey, I'm nothing if not modest!)

Until the VERY SECOND Steve's Blog of 2015...