Saturday, June 29, 2013

Gone Fishin'!

Well, ladles and jelly-pickles,after twenty-three mildly magnificent blogs, (actually twenty-two blogs and one mini-blog, but who's counting?)the time has come.

Effective immediately, Steve's Blog takes a well-needed week for some R&R. I'll be taking my Fourth of July long weekend in the beautiful Hershey-Harrisburg area of Pennsylvania. Unlike some people  who like to fire up the old grill and hit the pool on the Fourth, I  like to devote my Independence Day vaycays to the people and things that made us the great nation we are. Yes, O Non-Believers, I still think we are a great nation! Despite what might be happening on our streets and with people such as MR. Snowden, America remains  the strongest, freest, safest nation on Earth. We may have taken our lumps, but we always come back swinging, and nobody, not Osama, not Snowden, not Hussein, not Hitler, not Borat (I STILL refuse to dignify the surviving Boston bomber by giving his real name!) can take that away!

OK, as I was saying, I've been to Walt Disney World, named for the father of the theme park,Salem,MA, the site of the notorious Witch Trials, witch, I mean, WHICH may have been the low point of our colonial history,and Colonial Williamsburg,where "historical interpeters" present a well-researched portrayl of life in one of America's first capitals. (I also visited Jamestown, the first settlement in North America, where Captain John Smith was rescued by Pocahantas. I saw HER interpeter at WDW the year before, but,understandably, she was more similar to the Disney movie than than how the real-life Pocahantas may have acted.) This year, I'm  going to Harrisburg, which is celebrating the 150th anniversary of the Civil War (or War Between The States,if you prefer), and Hershey, founded by the man who made chocolate available to the great multitude.On my bucket list are Cooperstown, NY, home of the National Baseball Hall of Fame,
Canton, OH, home of the Football Hall of Fame, and Cleveland, home of the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame.Sure beats grilling!

Now it's time to say goodbye to all our followers, but, America, Russia,Denmark,Germany,Mexico,Britain and Holland,(Come on back, Canada!) let not thy heart be troubled, I SHALL RETURN on July 6 with a complete report, BUT if something REALLY important happens, I'll break in with a special blog.

Thank you Bettijane Eisenpreis, (What's a little nepotism between friends, huh?) Nicole Vranzian, Gretchen Muller for your support these first three months and thank the rest of you for reading. As a great Mouse once said, "Seeya real soon!" (Thank you, too, Google, for having a sensahumor about my little asides!)

On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer leaving you with the immortal words of George Washington after he removed his wooden teeth: "Mmmmmmph! Mmmmmmph! Mmmmmmmmmph!"

Bye Buckaroos!

Friday, June 28, 2013

O, Canada! (A very-thinly veiled attempt to get Canada to start reading this blog again!)

I've noticed that Canada has stopped reading this blog. I have one very important question for every Canadian man, woman, boy and girl (and the occasional wolverine, and I don't mean Hugh Jackman!)who has decided that (A) the two live trials (B) WORLD WAR Z and (C) watching a rock move are way more exciting than reading what they perceive to be the most boring blog since THE OFFICIAL WEB LOG OF THE IRVING FORBUSH MARCHING AND CHOWDER CLUB BAND, (a little in-joke to see if any long-time Marvel fans are reading) and that question is...WHY?

To get Canada back on the Steve's Blog bandwagon, and in honour of the 148th anniversary of the Dominion of Canada, I proudly present STEVE'S TRIBUTE TO CANADA!

How do I best describe Canada?  I could take the side of the parents of South Park and BLAME CANADA for Celine Dion, Drake,"Degrassi," and those cut-rate summer shows on ABC, but I've come to praise Canada, not to blame it.

Canada is a unique blend of American, British, and French influences, (Where else can you hear a hoe-down in French?)welcoming visitors and immigrants alike, and reveling in its aboriginal cultures.

While we Americans  and our Canadian neighbours may agree to disagree on which teams are the best, (I still think the Rangers can beat the Leafs,  Canucks,Jets, and Canadiens COMBINED!)we all agree the world would be a sadder place without William Shatner, Martin Short, Mike Myers,Andrea Martin, Alan Thicke,Wayne and Shuster,Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas, or, as they're better known,Doug and Bob McKenzie,Margot Kidder, ("Got me? Who's got YOU?!?"), and especially the late,great Gilda Radner. What song could possibly replace  Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" for moral uplift or Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" as a Saturday night get-up-and-dance anthem.

New York has the Empire State Building, London has Big Ben, and Toronto has the CN Tower. Although its namesake, the Canadian National Railroad, is out of business, the CN Tower remains the world's largest free-standing structure and as much a part of Canada as bacon,snow-capped mountains,and Harvey's pulled pork burgers.

All  kidding aside, Canada has been long regarded as one of the most democratic countries in the world with a human rights record that has been recognised by the UN and the home of many UNESCO World Heratige

While there have been many disagreements between Canada and the USA in the past, (Remember that little argument in 1812?) we remain allies and business partners, even though we may disagree about who's buying and whether they're buying Molsons or Buds as we watch the Yanks playing the Jays at Rogers Centre. O,Canada, we may not always understand you, but should something of 9-11 proportions arise, we WILL stand on guard for thee.

Happy Canada Day!

Bye, Buckaroos,eh?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Chicago,Chicago,That Stanley Cup Town!

WOW! After what has to be the most serious post in the history of this blog, it sure feels good to go back to talking sports!

Just as the Bruins proved themselves to be the better team against my beloved Rangers, so  did the Chicago Blackhawks prove themselves to be a better goal-scoring machine last night at the TD Garden in Boston, as they won the Stanley Cup! (C'mon, Bruins, SEVENTEEN FRICKIN' SECONDS?!?!? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!?)

I have had the pleasure to visit the Windy City three times (the first time was a layover from Albuquerque), and, friends, Chi-Town is one place is where you never run out of things to do unless you want to, and why would you want to do a silly thing like THAT?!? I attended the 1989 Chicago National Hockey League Booster Club Convention, and I had the pleasure to meet the Blackhawks Booster Club. They took us to dinner theatre where we saw the British musical "Matador," the legendary Second City comedy troupe, (where I saw a young Chris Farley)the friendly confines of Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs, the South Side home of the rival White Sox  now referred to as US Cellular Field, and, of course, the Madhouse
on Madison, the United Center, the home of the Blackhawks, and the team that put Michael Jordan on the map, the Chicago Bulls.

On my own time, I saw Oprah at her very best, (The topic  of the show I saw is  inappropriate for a family blog.) did some shopping on the Magnificent Mile, and had lunch at one of two unique McDonald's franchises, (Mickey D's is headquarted in nearby Oak Brook.) this one themed around 1950's pop culture.
It goes without saying, Chicago is  one city worth seeing, and this Stanley Cup couldn't happen to a nicer city! (I just wish it happened to NEW YORK!)

Congratulations, Hawks! You're my kind of team in my kind of town! (Enjoy it while you can, 'cause next year, the Cup is returning to that OTHER town Sinatra made famous, I refer, of course, to NEW YORK, NEW YORK,NEW YORK!)

Again,congrats Hawks, and a special shout-out to WLS-FM, True Oldies 94.7! (May you never run out of Chi-Lites or Chicago (the group) classics!)

Bye, Buckaroos!

An Open Letter to the People of Russia

Zdravstvuy, Rossiya. (Hello, Russia.)

Needless to say, I would like to thank your country for having the most pageviews  of  this fine blog of any country outside the United States, and, as you know,I  try to keep it light around here, shooting my mouth off
about sports, entertainment, anything that floats my boat, but mostly leaving politics to the pundits.

Well, every rule has an exception, and welcome to the exception.

While the relationship between Russia and the USA  is nowhere as amicable as our relationship with the United Kingdom, for example,our relationship is still very important. Kruschev's threats against us, as well as the entire Soviet war machine he represented, are nothing but memories, and  many prominent US brands have set up shop in  your country. You have been an important ally in the War On Terror, and we have,  in the words of President Reagan, "met on the playing field and not on the battle field." The fact that we have cooperated on so much since the collapse of the USSR makes your President's meeting with NSA traitor Edward Snowden , and your Government's apparent refusal to comply with extradition demands,that more shocking.

As an American, I believe in freedom and the right to go about my business as I see fit as long as it fits within the parameters of the law, and if I have to sacrifice some of that freedom in the name of security, so be it. What Mr. Snowden did is inexcusable, and a threat to our freedom. I cannot bring myself to call his accomplices, Glenn Greenwald or Julian Assange,journalists. "Mouthpieces," "lackeys," and "apologists" are the terms that more swiftly come to mind, and Mr. Assange's WikiLeaks basically screams, although in not so many words,"Hey, Mr. Terrorist! Here's all the information you need!"

Dear Russian Comrades, you may take these words as the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind or you may take them as the words of an old stick-in-the-mud still trapped in the Red-Under-The-Bed paranoia of the past,but I prefer you take them as the words of one friend concerned about the well-being of another.I have
believed in the betterment of US-Russia relationships since the first Goodwill Games in 1986,and I look forward to the Winter Olympics in Sochi,but when a valuable ally such as Russia provides aid and comfort to
someone such as Edward Snowden, that just can't be tolerated. He should be returned as quickly as possible to American soil, and he  should get everything he deserves, on  his way to the un-nameable place where, I'm sure, he'll meet Benedict Arnold,  and they'll have a lot to talk about.

Usually, in some flippant fashion, I will issue a disclaimer about management's (in this case, Google) agreement with my opinions,but, this time, I believe I speak on behalf of all freedom-loving American people who cannot abide Mr. Snowden's totally un-American attitude, or Russia's total lack of cooperation. I have long admired Russia's contributions to music,drama, and sport, but, my, Russian friends, I urge you to write Mr. Putin and tell him to return Mr. Snowden to us and stop coddling him as if he were a harmless baby, or,
as one of our American soul classics, goes, "Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."

Spasiba i dosvidanya,(Thank you and goodbye.)

Sunday, June 23, 2013


Thanks for joining the ever-growing Steve's Blog family! My friends over on this side of the pond may know me as a Yankees, Rangers, Knicks, and Giants fan, but, as of right now, I'm a Man City supporter. I look forward to a long and fruitful alliance between the Sky Blues and my beloved Pinstripes.

Did any of you notice my allusion to "Summer Holiday" in one of my earlier posts? I thought that was one of the best rock movies EVER! My favourite scene was when that poor bloke mixed the Greek words for "bread" and "bride!" And of course, Cliff Richard provided some of his best vocals, bar none! My favourite songs in the whole movie were the title, "Big News," and that waltz, once I think of the title again, I will let you know.

I would like to apologise in advance for missing One Direction at Hersheypark Stadium on 5 July, but baseball and the Fourth long weekend, it's an American thing, you know.I WILL be going to see the Harrisburg Senators that night. Hope you understand.

Anyway, I share your excitement about Princess Kate. Hope the new girl turns out to be the spitting image of
her Mum!

Congratulations to Simon Cowell and THE X-FACTOR! Your recent alum, Olly Murrs, is really burning up the charts with "Troublemaker!" I wish our Idol and Voice winners had that kind of success!

Well, ladies and chaps, that puts the wraps on another mind-boggling edition of Steve's Blog (I know it ain't Shakespeare, Keats or Byron, but at least I like it!), but I'll see you before my hols, so keep enjoying your summer and...


Hola, Mexico!

Bienvenidos a bordo, or, Welcome aboard, Mexico, and thanks for reading Steve's Blog! (OK, so, I'm only getting one pageview so  far, but Mr. or Ms.Reader, tell all your amigos that this is the best, OK, ONE OF THE BEST blogs on the internet, at least in my humble opinion.)

I have been to Mexico once, but I'm not ruling out a return visit, maybe not any time soon, but some time down the road. I'm not going to say anything to offend my new readership, hey, I need all the readers I can get, but, seriously, you really got to do something about "Montezuma's revenge!" It's been all those years ago, so why don't you just let bygones be bygones and let us Yanks  enjoy your otherwise beautiful country, OK?

Other than that, welcome to the blog, hermosa republica mexicana! If there's anything I can get you, I'm only a comment box away! (I'm going to be away from this blog from July 1 to July 8, sorry for the inconvenience.)

Until next time,

Adios, Buckaroos!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

OOPS! I Did It Again!

FOX in Harrisburg is located on Channel 43, not Channel 48! I apologize to everybody at the station and to everybody out there in Readerland! MY BAD!

Meet The New Boss...Better Than The Old Boss!

Good morning, afternoon, or evening America, Russia, Germany, Denmark, Indonesia,Holland, and all the ships at sea, (Was  it something I said, Canada? I noticed your name wasn't in the audience stats. I've got something nice planned for Canada Day. PLEASE come on back!) as a great man once said, let's go to press.

As longtime readers of this blog know, this very blog was  inspired by two very good friends in the New York Rangers front office. As  of yesterday, June 21,2013, (Happy Summer to all our Western Hemisphere readers!) Alain Vigneault is...(Pause for dramatic effect.) THE NEW HEAD COACH OF THE NEW YORK RANGERS!

Yes, friends, our long national nightmare (OK, our long REGIONAL nightmare!) is over, and contrary to rumors, the Rangers didn't ask any of their ex-players to come back and steer the ship. Monsieur Vigneault is an experienced coach with the Montreal Canadiens and Vancouver Canucks who also has experience as a player with the St. Louis Blues AND a junior hockey coach. Face it, friends, this guy knows his way around!
He's  EXACTLY what the Rangers need to bring Stanley back (That's the Stanley Cup, by the way.) to his rightful home at Madison Square Garden. LET'S GO RANGERS! ALLEZ, ALLEZ,ALLEZ! (Hey, I'm nothing if not billingual!)

If you're just joining us,  (And where have YOU been?) I'm planning a fantastic Fourth Of July long weekend (Five days, to be exact.) in beautiful Harrisburg, PA, and The Sweetest Place On Earth, Hershey, PA. If you've been following the news about Harrisburg proper, you may be aware that they're recovering from a fiscal crisis.As a New Yorker, I totes understand what they're going through. We've been to the  bad place and back, but we've never said die. Not everything I want to see will be available, I understand that, but I have every confidence in the resillience of the people of Harrisburg and I trust the police and sheriff's deputies will protect me well. I read the Mayor's (of Harrisburg) State Of The City address, and it sounds like she has everything under control. New businesses have been coming to town, including, much to the chagrin of my trainer,Qdoba Mexican Cafe, which is owned by Jack In The Box, or, as said trainer has been
known to call it, "Crack In The Box." (At least you don't have to scream your order into a clown's head!)
I've been watching the only streaming local TV newscast from Harrisburg, courtesy of FOX 48,and I've noticed they've had live webcam footage of Times Square. Yep, THAT Times Square, as in New York, New York! I don't know what this says about the people of Harrisburg, but I DO find that ironic! Of course,
you'll hear all about my trip when I come back on July 6.

For now, friends, the blog is over. GO IN PEACE!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Don't Stop...

First of all,welcome aboard, or "privetstyuyem vas na bortu samoleta," as they say in Russia, to all our readers in that country which has just surpassed Germany as the country outside the good old USA  with the most pageviews of Ye Olde Blog, and "spasiba," or thank you, for your  support!

Oooooookay, now it's time to get serious and say a few words about James Gandolfini, an  actor who played many memorable characters, but none more memorable than Tony Soprano, the patriarch of the family that did for TV what the Corleones did for the movies, THE SOPRANOS. Tony wasn't a stereotypical mob boss, James brought a lot of love and humor to the character. My friend, DJ Todd Pettengill turned me on to THE SOPRANOS. Although I didn't have HBO, I got caught up with the videos and the reruns on A&E (This was back when A&E was really a classy operation and wasn't bogged down in
a million reality shows.), and although I didn't want to love it, I did. James had that kind of effect on everyone who basked in the glow of his presence, even from afar. When Mickey Mouse marked his 75th birthday ten years ago, Disney asked seventy-five celebrities  to paint a sculpture of  The Mick the way each of them saw him. Leave it to James "Tony Soprano" Gandolfini to turn Mickey, the quintessential Mr. Nice Mouse, into a GoodFella, but all his long-time fans, myself included, had a sense of humor about it.

Despite the inevitable claims of stereotyping from Italo-American groups, James was embraced in the Old Country, and, irony of ironies, that's  where he gave the farewell performance nobody expected and everybody dreaded.

James Gandolfini left the world too soon and too abruptly, mirroring the series that made his most beloved character part of the national psyche, which ended all too abruptly when Tony ate at one of his favorite places and the jukebox played Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." The song ended in mid-lyric and the screen went black.

James  was a guy who never stopped believing in his ability to make a character his own and make us care about that character. If you're trying to find somebody who WASN'T touched by Jim's ouevre, FUHGEDDABOUDIT!

Arrividerci, Tony, e grazie for the memories.

Happy Trails.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A Tribute to Hans Christian Andersen

Denmark boasts many famous citizens, but, arguably, none moreso than Hans Christian Andersen (1805-1875.) Although he was responsible for many important essays and articles, he will always be remembered for his fairy tales which haven't gone, and never will go out of style.

An only child, born to Hans and Anne Marie Andersen in Odense, Hans served as a lawyer, a banker, and a
doctor's employee before publishing "The Ghost At Palnatoke's Grave" in  1822. His famous fairy tales,including "The Emperor's New Clothes," "The Ugly Duckling," and, of course, "The Little Mermaid," were published in 1835,1836,and 1837, but he didn't truly achieve success with those stories until Ariel,as The Little Mermaid would later become known,made her English-language debut in BENTLEY'S MISCELLANY. He wrote a series of travelogues beginning in 1851,and he became famous for his meetings with English author Charles Dickens.

He died of liver cancer, and his body was interred at the Assistens Cemetery in Copenhagen, but as long as people tell tales of ugly ducklings who discover their inner beauty, elegant schemes  that turn out to never have existed at all, princesses who prove they are really of royal lineage, and mermaids who sacrifice it all for love, Hans Christian Andersen will always be PART OF OUR WORLD.

THERE! If that doesn't get me more pageviews in Denmark, nothing else will! (Denmark brings the total of Steve's Blog countries to seven, but they still have only one stinking pageview!)


Monday, June 17, 2013

Who's Reading This?

Hello, everybody, and welcome to a special Steve's Blog that dares to ask the burning question: WHO READS THIS STUFF?

I  checked my stats, and Steve's Blog is  currently read  in SIX COUNTRIES:

UNITED STATES                                                                                        51 pageviews
NETHERLANDS                                                                                            4
GERMANY                                                                                                     2

Canada, Indonesia, and  South Korea are tied with one pageview each. You can do better than that, guys!

As for browsers:

GOOGLE CHROME                                                                                 55%
MICROSOFT INTERNET EXPLORER                                                    21%
MOZILLA FIREFOX                                                                                 16%
APPLE SAFARI                                                                                            3%

As for operating systems:

WINDOWS                                                                                                  75%
LINUX                                                                                                          21%
MAC                                                                                                                3%

Why do Safari and Mac have so few SB readers? Don't those guys forget that the founder's name was Steve?

Thank you,  America, dank je wel, Nederland, and danke Deutschland for your continued support and keep up the great work, and tell all your friends in Canada, South Korea and Indonesia, especially those on Apple, that Steve's Blog is on its way to greatness, and we're just getting started!

Bye, Buckaroos!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Monkeying Around

Good morning, afternoon, and evening, dudes and dudettes, (or "dudesses", if you prefer) and welcome to another incredible edition of Steve's Blog.

As  you know, I  will be headed out to the Hershey-Harrisburg area of Pennsylvania on July 1st, and not only is Hershey famous for the chocolate bar invented by its namesake and founder Milton S. Hershey, (Somebody suggested he name the town St. Milton's.) but it's also famous for Hersheypark, "The Sweetest Place On Earth." Hersheypark was established by M.S. in 1905 as a place of relaxation for his employees, but as time went on, it became a major tourist destination adding the most famous rides  in amusement industry history,  and, bowing to pressure from Walt Disney World, (and, no doubt, anticipating what would become Six Flags Great Adventure) underwent a major renovation, which included walkabout characters (or   HERSHEY(R) Product Characters, as they're officially known) modeled after Hershey's most famous chocolate brands.

When overanxious guests at WDW ask why their favorite characters talk in mime, their handlers explain that they only talk in the movies. (Except, of course, for Princesses and other human characters.) The only known 
talking chocolate characters work for another company which was founded by former Hershey employee Bill Murrie and entrepeneur Forrest Mars, (Nuff said!) but that doesn't stop the Hershey characters from talking in their own special mime language.

If I may move from the sublime to the totally ridonkulous, today I went to the Empire State Building, which is celebrating its  82nd anniversary, and  80 of those years ago, filmmaker Merian C. Cooper created the saga of "King Kong," the legendary gorilla who met his end in a battle atop that legendary building. Anyone who saw that movie, or its many remakes, knows KK wasn't exactly the verbose type, communicating mostly in growls. (Remember, this was 1933, 35 years before the original Doctor Dolittle movie hit theatres,  so, there wasn't a great need for humans  fluent in Animalese.)

I read another blog criticizing the ESB for failing to acknowledge the Kongster's illustrious debut, so, imagine my surprise when I make it to the building museum,  and whaddayaknow, there's Jungle Boy, or rather, his walkabout  character, palling around with the guests, and,  as I hear Mr. Cooper and Fay Wray do a combined 720 in their respective graves, TALKING WITH A HUMAN VOICE IN ENGLISH!I know many of the rights to King Kong have reverted to the public domain, but, ESB management, C'MON! You should have had your guy mime King Kong and either attempt a simianesque growl or attach a mike with a pre-recorded growl the way Peter Mayhew, the first actor to play Chewbacca, has to make the comic con portrayer of his furry alter ego sound more convincing. What you geniuses, and I use the term VERY loosely, have done is tantamount to dressing up a guy as Elmo and having him scream at an innocent family because they didn't tip him for posing in a picture! (I know, that REALLY happened, but I'm just making a point, and don't say the only point is on the top of my head. OK, you CAN  say it, because, as I keep saying, I DO welcome your comments, which reminds me, the only comments I've been getting have been in emails, other than the nice comment WAAAAAAAAAY back in SB3. That comment box at the end of the blog exists for a reason, peeps!)

BTW, Kongratulations to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West on kreating a kute kid. Unfortunately, Kween  Kong is out of the kwestion is a  name, so, as a tribute to the late great komik kreator George Karlin, you guys name her Kongolia? (Remember Congolea Breckinridge, George's advice collumnist?)

Thanks for reading the Going Bananas portion of Steve's Blog starring Steve ("Where is Sam Hennessey when you need him?") Eisenpreis. Portions of the preceding show were last seen heading over to Tokyo to talk the producers of the Godzilla remake out of a similar dumb stunt. On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you, you don't have to be a wild and crazy guy to write a blog, but, hey, it doesn't hurt!

Bye, Buckaroos!


Saturday, June 15, 2013

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N! (Or, for our British readers, We're All Going On A Summer Holiday!)

Welcome to the first Steve's Blog of the New-Half-Year and Happy Father's Day to all Dads!

No, I'm not going on vacation JUST YET. I will be vacating the premises on July 1st, a Monday in case you're interested, and heading for Pennsylvania's beautiful Dutch Country, Harrisburg and Hershey to be exact, and returning the following Saturday, or July 6th, to be exact.

A  few clarifications are in order: The name "Dutch" has nothing to do with Holland. When the members of the Amish sect settled in Pennsylvania and asked for their nationality, they said, "Deutsch," or German, which was eventually misinterpeted as "Dutch," and the name stuck,and as for why I'm leaving the Big Apple when they're celebrating the 4th of July with a huge fireworks spectacular, first of all, I'LL BE BACK (to quote the Governator) and second of all,I like to celebrate some of the different 4th of Julys in the many cities and towns that make up this great country. During that time, there will be no Steve's Blog, but a randomly-selected group of close,warm personal friends will receiving postcards and emails,and this Blog will return in all its glory when I come back on the 6th.

I know that Harrisburg is neither as cosmopolitan as Philadelphia or as Blue Collar as Pittsburgh, but, in addition to nearby Hershey (and its park, which has been regarded as equal or superior, depending on who you ask) to Walt Disney World, it still has a lot to recommend it, from a State Museum to Second Street, which boasts a veritable plethora of restaurants AND a comedy club. While I have nothing against Small Town USA, I often like to visit nearby cities to get a balanced travel experience.(And they DO have the Washington Nationals-affiliated Harrisburg Senators.) Thoughts?

Well, that's it for the "OK-Let's-Get-June-Over-With-And-Get-Into-July" portion of Steve's Blog, but I've got some time before that, and I'll check in before I get out of here.

Comments and questions are welcome, the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Google who has enough to worry about, portions of the preceding show were last seen looking for their sunscreen. On behalf
of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you,stay cool, drive carefully, and...

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Steve's Postgame Report

Hi, I'm Steve,and I do a blog.
Just in case your memory needed a jog.
I've been doing this since the middle of May
With the hopes that it will brighten your day.
Every November, just before Yule,
My mom and I, neither the fool,
Send our friends a Holiday Newsletter,
In the hopes the New Year will start off better.
She relates the personal events of the year,
And I give the world news, and some Holiday Cheer.
And I'm now the boss of my own web log show,
I'd like to remind you, in case you didn't know,
2013 is nearly over, and a New Year awaits.
(We hope there's not a burly barbarian at the gates.)
So, borrowing a page from the wide world of sport,
I proudly present STEVE'S POSTGAME REPORT!
The East Coast is proving we're Stronger Than The Storm,
But Oklahoma and the Phillipines are nowhere near the norm.
As they rebuild schools and offices and try to replace each loss,
I hope you'll find it in your heart to help the Red Cross.
Bostonians beat the British at Bunker Hill,
And they are an indomitable bunch still.
They won't let two idiots cramp their style,
As  they show their resillience and get back their smile.
Even though it may sound like I'm backing the wrong jocks,
Congratulations to the World Champion Boston Red Sox!
What is wrong with the sports teams of New York?
Giants,Jets,Knicks and Rangers all made me feel like a dork.
But, all other baseball fans, get your hankies,
Derek Jeter has one more year to captain the Yankees!
If, of action heroes, you're a big fan,
You'll find MAN  OF STEEL to be super,man!
Two fave soaps are back, with more stories to give.
Yes, ALL  MY CHILDREN, they don't just have ONE LIFE TO LIVE!
(Actually,ABC ordered the producers to kick ONE LIFE out of the house,
'Cause they OWNED the characters. How mickey-mouse!)
THE INTERNSHIP is one big Google infomercial.
It makes THE GONG SHOW MOVIE seem controversial!
Hunger Games fans, you have a new flick to savor.
Enjoy CATCHING FIRE, and may the odds be ever in your favor!
When  it comes to Fall TV, LUCKY 7 was the worst.
Happy 50th, DOCTOR WHO! You'll always be on first!
I thought Joe Lhota was going to be Mayor,
But Bill deBlasio is now going to be there,
And I thought about skipping town and picking Toronto,
But they have their OWN  crazy Mayor, so I guess THAT'S a no.
(I predicted their CFL team would win the Grey Cup,
But Saskatchewan is now hoisting that bad boy up.)
On a somber note, it was almost one year,
That a gunman filled a school full of kids with fear
And the rest of the nation  shivered and shook.
We'll never forget you. God bless the kids of Sandy Hook.
Well, that's about it, Smurfs and Smurfettes,
Tell this blogger if there's anything that he forgets.
I'm at with more takes on the news.
Happy Holidays,Happy New Year, AND...


Sunday, June 9, 2013

Horsing Around On The Guyland


First, this is not Blog Number 11, but Blog Number 10! Please update your scorecards as I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Second, I did NOT get an interview with NBC's multitalented sports and entertainment reporter Michelle Beadle, but  I promise, folks, the next time I see her in person and I can actually spend as much time with her as her retinue will allow, I WILL get her reaction on what the Garden guys (as opposed to the Liberty) should do in the off-season,Joss Whedon's MUCH  ADO ABOUT NOTHING, (Is his low-budget update better than his blockbuster MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS?) and becoming the sole anchor of her NBC Sports Network show THE CONNECTION. (For all you diet freaks, I will ask her if she  still likes fried everything, especially at the State Fair Of Texas.)

(Speaking of movies, MAN OF STEEL had  its Metropolis, I mean, NEW YORK premiere last night at Lincoln Center! This Warner Bros.-Syncopy-Legendary-DC Entertainment epic is about to rewrite one of pop culture's greatest legends with a super-sensational cast, but you can ONLY find it at a theatre or IMAX theatre near you! Rated PG-13, which means it MAY be a little intense for Mr. Kent's younger fans!)

Now, on to our main piece of business, namely Belmont Stakes 144. The final jewel of the VISA Triple Crown Challenge, this Super Bowl of horse racing has been known as the standard by which all other races are judged. Although Orb won in "Lou-a-ville"(The Kentucky Derby) and Oxbow caused an incident in "Balmer," (The Preakness) Palace Malace earned a nice piece of change right here in "Noo Yawk."

Actually, the whole thing happened in Nassau County, Long Island, or, as the natives call it, "Lon Guyland."
Traditionally, I like to get up VERRRRRRRY early on Belmont Stakes Day, pack some reading matter and my radio in my backpack, walk over to Penn Station, and get my ticket for the Racetrack Special, as it's officially billed. This year, the Boston Marathon tragedy took precedence over everything, and, so, I had to leave the backpack home. Thanks for nothing, Borat and Borat 2.(I'm following the lead of Boston Herald collumnist and WRKO talk host Howie Carr and refusing to dignify those two by calling them by their real names.)

When I got to Belmont Park, the thing that really took my breath away was how beautiful the place looks with all the renovations that accompany every Stakes Day. Two security checks after you get off the train, (The guys know their jobs better than the TSA  knows THEIRS! There was this guy who wanted to take his young 'un on a guy's trip to Belmont, but he made the mistake of loading a backpack with trail mix. That must have been a VERY short trip!) you enter the Grandstand, for the most part, a tribute to Old Belmont in all its glory,but as you go through the first of two doors, you enter the Winners' Circle, a themed area paying tribute to Belmont and its sister tracks, Aqueduct (in Queens), and Saratoga  (Come for the racing, stay for the casino and American Revolution history.) as well as New York's professional sports teams. (I DO have a few complaints: The Yankee Ball-Bat-And-Hat Logo appeared above a picture taken at Aqueduct, and much as I hate the Nets for moving to Brooklyn and becoming the NBA's answer to pro wrestling's nWo, (Go to for the complete story.) I  also believe the New York Racing Association, Belmont's owner,made a major mistake by still using the New JERSEY Nets logo one year after they moved out of the Prudential Center in Newark.)

Another set of doors and a paltry admission fee later, you enter the Clubhouse, the closest thing Belmont has to a Hall Of Fame.Photos from past Stakes races and Breeders' Cup Days line the walls, and, although unlike other museums, there are no interactive exhibits in the traditional sense,you CAN watch replays  of recent races.

On Belmont Stakes Day, THE place to be is the Belmont Backyard, right across from the turf track,and just a quick walk downstairs from everywhere. Racing fans can buy souvenirs, chow down on authentic Philly cheese steaks and Carolina BBQ, rock out to cover bands,meet racing legends from iconic jock Jerry  Bailey to the Budweiser Clydesdales,win free stuff from radio station prize vans, and catch up on the action on the main track on screens large and small. (The little ones can shake hooves with Belle and Monty, the track's mascots,and have their own fun in Belmont's supervised on-premises play area right next to the music stage.) A special theatre screens simulcasts  of races from other tracks such as The Meadowlands, Pimlico, Churchill Downs, parx (Spelling and capitalization theirs) in New Jersey,  Santa Anita, and parks in the UK and Australia, and it, and the Backyard, are accessible from the Ground Floor of the main Belmont building,but screens all over the park carry the simulcasts.

However, TWO IMPORTANT THINGS ARE MISSING! The kids  no longer have their Amusement Arcade, which featured a simulation ride which showed kids what it was like to be in the saddle and on the track, classic video games, and the "arm game," and the grown-ups no longer have their Barber Shop! On the plus side, the play area assuages parental concerns about kids getting all "videogramed" out and although I loved the barber who owned the shop, one year it was so hot HE CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF! That's right, friends,  I ended up looking like Telly Savalas! When I got home, I said hi to my mom and took off my hat. Ten seconds later, she passed right out and I almost called 911! Another good thing about  the Belmont Barber Shop going out of business is that the room is available to sell anything from cigars (last year) to unsold merch from past Belmont Stakes Days (this year).

"Hey, Stupid! What about the races themselves?," I hear you shout. First of all, DON'T CALL ME STUPID! (One of the nice people who suggested this blog you're reading, Phantastic Phoebe Cates,has the good taste to be married to Kevin Kline, a very talented actor famous for, among MANY other things, the comedy A FISH CALLED WANDA, wherin he spake those very words. If you saw that movie, you know that character was nobody's genius!) Second of all, for the first two races I bet, I broke one of the cardinal rules of horse racing: FUNNY NAMES DON'T WIN RACES! Eclipse-award winning journalist Sharon B.Smith once said, "If your name is Secretariat, congratulations! If your name is Suzy Slowpoke, you may have to get into another line of work." Not an exact quote, but I'm sure you get the gist.For the first race, the NBC Sports, I bet on DoIAmuseYou because I remember the way Joe Pesci delivered that line in "Goodfellas,"("WHAT KINDA FUNNY AM I? AM I A  CLOWN? DO I AMUSE YOU?") but DoIAmuseYou...didn't.  I tried another funny name for the fourth race, the RTN True North, (Sponsored by Racetrack Television Network,who's  hitting the interwebs with its RTN Total Trackcess Online/Tablet/Mobile Package. For more, visit and enter promo code BELMONT2013.) and I bet the odds. I made a nice piece of change, and I kept getting cash back on the Woody Stephens (named for racing's winningest trainer) and the Manhattan, but as for the mane, I mean the MAIN EVENT,
here's how the horses did:

                                                                                                                  WIN        PLACE      SHOW

W PALACE MALACE                                                                          $29.60 US   $11.20      $6.70
P  OXBOW                                                                                                                  $9.90     6.10
S ORB                                                                                                                                            3.90

Here's how I did:

I bet on Orb because (A) he won the Derby and (B) "orbing" is how Leo Wyatt, a Guardian Angel, or as he called himself, a "Whitelighter," moved between Heaven and Earth without waiting for Delta Air Lines on the TV show CHARMED. I got the short end of the stick, but my friend Alice wanted Oxbow, so, she's the proud winner of 15 somoleons. (Not a huge windfall, but still.)

All week long, the local weather guys predicted that the horses would be wearing water wings,but it turned out to be a nice sunny day with the high coming in at 75 degrees F, and the main track became Fast, which may have not been so good for the rest of the field, but it beat the heck out of Muddy.

You've been reading the "All-In-Favor-Say-Neigh" portion of Steve's Blog starring Steve "Seabiscuit" Eisenpreis.  Comments and questions are welcome, and the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Google who has enough to worry about. (Reader is referred to  and encouraged to click the "Google,Inc." heading. I wonder why Google doesn't disclose they OWN that site? The next sound you hear is Murrow and Cronkite doing a combined 720 in their respective graves.)Portions of the preceding show were last seen at the betting window.On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you to log on to and find them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter for more information on Belmont Park. At least you don't hear THOSE athletes complaining that they need more

Bye, Buckaroos! (Which reminds me, I oughta start taking a course in Trigger-nometry! Sorry, the whole horse thing!)


Saturday, June 8, 2013

BREAKING NEWS:Here We Go, Bruins, Here We Go!

First of all, Steve's Blog is now A PERFECT TEN! (Mathematically speaking, anyways.)

Secondly, congratulations to the 2013 EASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPION BOSTON BRUINS as they pack their skates and head towards the Madhouse on Madison Street, Chicago's famous United Center, with intent to scalp the Western Champion Blackhawks and win the oldest and greatest trophy in sports, the Stanley Cup.

I know  what you're thinking: How can a NOO YAWKER root for a team from the home of the hated Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics? Well, O  Curious One,  (A)  they beat my beloved New York Rangers fair and square, and (B) I can understand what the citizens of Beantown are going through after the events of the Marathon Bombing having dealt with the 9-11-01 attacks and the people of that great city deserve our support. (Mayor Thomas Menino's One Fund is still collecting donations at  .)

The B's have put up an incredible fight so far, but the toughest is yet to come. As a great man once said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and while my Blueshirts and everybody else have been done in by the strike-shortened season, that has only helped the Bruins and 'Hawks  power past the competition onto hockey's  biggest stage.

 LET'S GO BRUINS! Not just Because It's The Cup, but also because Bostonians have proven how strong and resillient they can truly be.

NEXT: A Belmont Stakes recap, and (I hope!) an interview with NBC's Michelle Beadle.

Until then, this is your announcer reminding the Bruins the Fat Lady isn't about to sing anytime soon! LET'S GO BRUINS!

(OBTW, If any of you have been following MARVEL'S ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN on Disney XD's  Sunday morning MARVEL UNIVERSE block, you might have seen a hilarious episode entitled "Spidah-Man!" wherin the old Web-head becomes Boston's super protector. Can't give too much away, but it was simply MARVELous!)

Bye Buckaroos!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Mother of Babe Ruth, Is This The End of The Yankees?

Good morning, afternoon, or evening,  ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the last Steve's Blog... the single digits! (HA! Made ya look!)

Hope you enjoyed that little taste of MAN OF STEEL starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon and Diane Lane, produced by Christopher ("The Dark Knight") Nolan and directed by
Zack ("300") Snyder, from Warner Bros., DC Entertainment and Syncopy,rated PG-13 and flying soon into a theatre near you! (And ONLY in theatres, accept no phony-baloney street vendor copies!) Oh, by the way, as we  members of Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York are quick to point out, this movie is based on characters created by those nice Jewish boys, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster!

Ooooooooooookay, let's shift our focus from Kal-El to a real life superman, namely one Alexander Rodriguez who wears number 13 for the New York Yankees.A-Rod, as he was known to his fans in his  prime,  was one of the Yanks' superstars, but he was recently linked, alongside other players such as fellow ex-Yank Melky Cabrera. to a  Miami anti-aging clinic  called Biogenesis of America.

Alex's accomplishments are many, on and off the diamond, but recent events, and prior events, could be the Kryptonite that sends Alexander The Great crashing to the ground, possibly driving the nail into the coffin  of
the once-mighty New York Yankees. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a fan of Yankee Pride and Tradition,but the players are becoming hollow shadows of their former invincible selves, and Derek Jeter, the face of the franchise, is  still recovering from his off-season injuries. As  a loyal Yankee fan, I would like to tell you now, folks, it does NOT do a fan good if John Sterling's crazy calls on WCBS 880 are overshadowed by Suzyn Waldman saying, "This call to the bullpen is brought to you by..." I don't mind when the visitor makes the pitching change, but I DO mind when the Yankees make the change.

Speaking of making change, the Yankee management needs to get out their checkbooks and make some trades. A twenty-eighth Yankee championship is an attainable reality only if the players and front office get their heads  out of the sand and focus on the future. They may not be the 1996 Yanks with powers and abilities beyond those of other teams, but if A-Rod ditches the 'roids and returns to the peak of his super powers,the Yanks will continue their battle for truth, justice, and the World Series trophy.

You've been reading the "Alexander-The-Average-Just-Doesn't-Have-That-Same-Oomph" portion of Steve's Blog, produced by Super-Steve Eisenpreis. (Sorry, I just HAD to say it!) Your comments and questions are welcome, and the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Google, who, by the way, also has a movie coming out. ("The Internship," starring Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson, but whether anybody will see THAT is still up in the air, in a figurative sense, not like you know who.) Portions of the preceding show  were last seen arguing over a road trip to Flushing. On behalf of the management and staff,, this is your announcer reminding you of the immortal words of Lex Luthor's father: "Get Out!" (Maybe the Yankee brass should say that to A-Rod!)

Up,up and away, Buckaroos!

Monday, June 3, 2013

A News Network Says WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, ladies and gentlemen, fellow news junkies,and welcome to the Magnificent Seventh (Dum-Dum-DA-Dum-Dum-DA-DEH-DEH-Dum-Dum-Dum-DA-Dum-Dum-DA-DEH-DEH-DUM!) edition of Steve's Blog, Steven L. Eisenpreis here, you there, as one of my favorite sports talk hosts, (and fellow Steves, Steve Somers of SportsRadio 66 AM and 101.9 FM WFAN New York, to be exact) likes to say.

Suppose  ESPN said, "If you're looking for scores and highlights of the Indiana-Chicago game, call someone who cares," or FOX said, "If you tuned in for a rock-'em-sock-'em NFL match-up, you're gonna be VERY disappointed, buddy, the game on CBS is WAAAAAAAAAAY better!" (Come to think of it, MTV has said, "If you want non-stop music, try Fuse!" ever since Snooki  and her unindicted co-conspirators took over.)

That's pretty much the situation over at MSNBC, which began life seventeen years ago as a joint venture between Microsoft and NBC showcasing MS's computer and internet acumen and NBC's storied news operation which gave birth to many of the formats we now take for granted, but gravitated towards pretty much all politics all the time, or as many pundits have called it, the liberal answer to FOX News. (Read into this what you will, but MSNBC and CNN are viewed at the 24 Hour Fitness Derek Jeter locations on 26th Street and Madison Square Park and Houston and Crosby while MSNBC, CNN, AND FNC are all available to members of the 24 at Citigroup's Manhattan headquarters building. Just sayin'.) During the recent
events in Oklahoma, Texas, and Boston, MSNBC's ratings have experienced a fall of Humpty-Dumptyesque proportions as viewers  have gravitated to CNN and FNC. Unfortunately, friends, that seems to be the path MSNBC has chosen for itself. I don't want to sound like Sean Hannity (Much as I respect his work and the friends I have, both Facebook and actual, who have done work for him.) or Piers Morgan, (Again, much R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I had the pleasure to be on the other side of his mic when he did a man-on-the-street interview for Aol's morning show when they were still part of CNN's parent company, Time Warner.) but if a channel promises Fair and Balanced News (as FNC has) or  runs a promo showcasing important news events while a chorus encourages you to "Experience Life" (as CNN has), naturally, you're going to watch that channel instead of one that proclaims itself "The Place For Politics" when politics is (Politics are?) supposed to take a backseat to events that are infinitely more important. MSNBC's boss, Phil Griffin, has taken responsibility for his channel's abysmal ratings,(He actually said, "We're NOT the Place for Breaking News!") and now that NBC has bought MS out of MSNBC, I believe they should study the extensive NBC News library and learn from its long history of breaking news coverage from "JFK Blown Away" to the tragedy in Boston and everything in between, before and since and rededicate themselves to news coverage that would make legendary NBC TV reporters such as Chet Huntley and David Brinkley, John Chancellor, Tim Russert, and my close, warm personal friends Mary Alice Williams and Garrick Utley proud, and not wallow in politics the way TMZ wallows in Kardashians.

You have been reading the "When Is A Peacock A Turkey?" portion of Steve's Blog,and, of course, your comments and questions are welcome. The opinions  expressed are STILL not necessarily those of Google, in case you were wondering. If you would like a transcript of today's show, just hit "Print." Portions of the preceding show were  last seen deleting MSNBC programming from their TiVO. On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you that you have as much chance of seeing real news on MSNBC as you have of seeing Justin "I-Am-A-True-Artist"  Bieber performing at the Metropolitan

Bye, Buckaroos!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

BREAKING NEWS: Requiem For A Dingbat

Boy, the way Glenn Miller played,
Songs that made the hit parade.
Jean Stapleton really had it made.
Those were the days.

First of all,my apologies to Charles Strouse who wrote the original ALL IN THE FAMILY theme song "Those Were The Days" with his  partner Lee Adams,  second of all,type "Who was Glenn Miller?" on Google Answers or type "Glenn Miller" into the homepage search box, (Hey Sergey and Larry! I just engaged in some shameless cross-promotion! NOW do I get the free Chromebook?) and third of all, this is a special edition of Steve's Blog recalling the long life and extraordinary career of Jean Stapleton, or, as she was better known, Edith Baines Bunker.(BTW, Glenn Miller had a hit with "In The Mood" in 1940, the second-to-last  time the Rangers won the Stanley Cup. It's almost 19 years and we STILL got nothing! But, I digress.)

Jean, the former Jeanne Murray,took her professional surname from her mother, a singer.She began her career on  the stage in 1941, and her career embraced everything from musical comedy (DAMN YANKEES, FUNNY GIRL) to TV drama (THE ELEVENTH HOUR,NAKED CITY, and THE DEFENDERS, where she acted alongside her future "husband," Carroll O'Connor. She played Archie Bunker's (O'Connor's character) faithful wife Edith on ALL IN THE FAMILY, the first sitcom brave enough to address the burning issues of its time, (1971-1979) and recreated the role on its spinoff, ARCHIE BUNKER'S PLACE. Although Archie always screamed, "Stifle ya-self, Dingbat!" I always thought Edith was smarter than she let Archie know. When Edith "died," Jean was reborn as a serious actress playing Eleanor Roosevelt. She was also known for her roles on the PBS science series BEAKMAN'S WORLD, SCARECROW AND MRS. KING,and the TV version of the movie BAGDAD CAFE, which also starred Whoopi Goldberg.

She leaves behind two children by her late husband Bill Putch, and years and years of laughs.

Jean Stapleton was no dingbat, she just played one on TV. And that's why we'll always love her.

Happy Trails, Edith.