Wednesday, May 29, 2013

DEVELOPING STORY:Don't Let The Door Hit You On Your Way Out!

Good morning, afternoon,or evening,  ladies and gentlemen,  sports fans and fannies (as Norm Crosby used to say), and welcome to the end of an error.

First of all, I'm still Steven L. Eisenpreis, the host and star of this, the fifth fantastic edition of Steve's Blog, but as of the afternoon of today, May 29,  2013,John Tortorella is NO LONGER THE HEAD COACH OF THE NEW YORK RANGERS!

That's right, friends! Old Johnny Torts is  through, finito, kaputsky,yesterday's news,history,the entire Patrick-Duffy-is-dead season of DALLAS, (He's only a dream, Pam!)Audi 5000,no longer welcome at MSG!

I, and the rest of the Rangerverse,DID see this coming! Just when I thought that Memorial Day would be marked by parades, barbeques auto races and Broadway Blueshirt hockey, the Boston Bruins outplay, outscore, and outshoot my heroes.

Jay Tee, if you're reading this, don't worry.

The 7-11 across the street from One Penn Plaza is hiring.

In case you just tuned in, John Tortorella has been relieved of duty, let go, sacked.bounced,bagged,sent on a
LOOOOOOOOOOOONG vacation, or as my old friend Donald J. Trump used to say,


I'm sure he's  asking Scarlett O' Hara's tear-drenched question, "But, where will I go, what will I do?"


John Tortorella is no longer the Rangers head coach.

The future's so bright, we Ranger fans gotta wear shades.

Before I close, I would like to send a shout-out to our newest reader, Genesis Botero from the WNBA  New York Liberty. Welcome aboard, Gen! Hope the ladies succeed where the guys (I'm talking to you too, Knicks!) have failed!

You've been reading the "Do You Believe In Miracles? Tortorella Has Been Axed!"portion of Steve's Blog, and of course, comments and questions are ALWAYS welcome. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Google, but I'm sure the Ranger fans at the 75 Ninth Avenue office agree. Anyone? Anyone? Portions of the preceding show were last seen sending applications to Madison Square Garden. This periodical may not be sold, except by authorized dealers, and is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not be sold or distributed with any part of its cover or markings removed, nor in a mutilated condition, nor to John Tortorella.

On behalf of the staff and management, this is your announcer reminding John Tortorella it could have been worse: He could have managed the 1988 Yankees!

Bye Buckaroos!

Saturday, May 25, 2013


Good morning, afternoon, or evening...if it IS a good morning,afternoon or evening, which I doubt.

Welcome to the blog, I'm Steve, and my beloved New York Rangers have just been defeated by the Boston

At least you can't say they didn't try, they DID try, there were times when they could be very trying.

If only ALL  their players were healthy.

If only John Tortorella didn't scratch Ryan Callahan.

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way.

Now,the Rangers move from the ice of Madison  Square Garden to the golf course.

Hope they at least get a good score on the links.

Good luck to the Boston Bruins and all their fans in the Hub City.

The best team won.

Rangers, like the old song goes, I'll "See you in September."

Thanks for the memories.

And thank you for reading this special Breaking News portion of Steve's Blog that I wish I didn't have to write.

But, as the Beatles sang, "La-la, how the life goes on."

And I live to blog another day.

Until then, this is your announcer saying Happy Trails, and God Bless.

Steve's First Movie Review Blog! (Yay!)

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, ladies and gentlemen, buoys and gulls, (Seeing images of Coney Island  this morning made me wish the Mermaid Parade, which  I'll explain in greater length as time goes on,would swim on in here already!) and welcome to the third mind-boggling edition of Steve's Blog, and I am, as  always, your happy host, Steven Long Eisenpreis. Before we go any further, it's time for the first installment of a new feature I like to call: (Drumroll, please.)

LETTER HAVE IT! (Actually it should be Let Him Have It, but as an old PUNdit from way back, I think THIS title is pure gold.)

Today's comment comes from Bettijane of New York City (a close relative, I'll explain THAT as time goes on) and it concerns "Rain,Rain. Go Away!", which happens to be the last blog. She writes:

"While I may be prejudiced, (OK,OK, I admit it, she's my Mom!) this blog made me laugh out loud in several places. And having been out in the wind in the rain while you were writing, I share your meteorological displeasure."

Thanks, Bettijane, or Mom! I hope you, and the rest of the nice people out there in Webland, don't mind if I hold back on the personal stuff for ONE MORE POST, because I have a movie review to get to. In the meantime, keep those posts coming in!

Oooooooooookay, let's get to the main order of business, namely the first movie review in the history of this blog. Unlike many reviewers, I'll call 'em like I see 'em.  If I believe a movie is at least worth a teeny tiny look, I'll tell you to get a TICKET. If I believe it's worth avoiding at all costs, I'll tell you to KICK IT to the curb.

First up is EPIC,(Rated PG for mild action, rude language, and some scary images)  produced by Blue Sky Studios, distributed by 20th Century Fox, directed by Chris Wedge, written by James V. Hart, Wedge, and
the creator of Disney Channel's acclaimed "Rollie Pollie Ollie," William Joyce,  from Joyce's own book, "The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs," and starring the voices of, among others, Amanda ("Mamma Mia") Seyfried, Jason ("SNL") Sudekis,John ("Adventure Time") DiMaggio, fellow Steven and former American Idol judge Steven Tyler,Pitbull a/k/a Mr. Worldwide,Aziz ("Parks and Recreation") Ansari, and others too numerous to mention, in fact, if I mentioned them all, I wouldn't get to the danged review!

Anywho, the story (which kinda takes a backseat to the beautiful computer-generated animation which is expected from the studio behind the ICE AGE series) concerns Mary Katherine, or M.K. as she prefers to be called (Seyfried) and her divorced/widower dad, Bomba (Sudekis) who devotes all his time to finding new life forms within the forest outside their palatial Westchester County residence. His research and refusal to accept the fact that M.K. is practically a grownup nearly send her back to the Big City, but the aforementioned Leaf Men and their Queen, Tara, (Beyonce Knowles, who does her best, but should NOT give up her day job) have need of her if they're going to defeat Mandrake (a very creepy Christoph Waltz) and his armies.

A veritable plethora of comic voices keep the movie from drowning in its cliched tree-hugging, (I love the Earth as much as the next guy, but this movie boldly goes where many have gone before.) and although it doesn't really live up to its name, it's great fun for the kid in all of us, maybe moreso for actual professional kids. TICKET!

As I  keep saying, your comments are always appreciated, and the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Google or its many sponsors, and it DOES have a lot of 'em! And now, it's time to roll my own end credits:

You've been reading the "It-May-Not-Be-All-That-Epic-But-At-Least-It-Doesn't-Stink!" portion of Steve's Blog.  The part of Steven Eisenpreis was played by Brad Pitt. (Not really!) Portions of the preceding show were last seen on the popcorn line. On behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you, you know Hollywood's run out of ideas when one of the animated blockbusters of the summer has the same name as a record company, an adult illustrated sci-fi magazine, TWO adult comics lines from Marvel,
AND a toothpaste.(Hey,they had to name it something!)

Let's Go Rangers, Happy Weekend, and...

Bye, Buckaroos!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Rain,Rain, Go Away!

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, ladies and germs, and welcome to the second sensational session of "Steve's Blog," I'm still Sturdy Steve Eisenpreis, alliterative afficionado extraordinaire.

I would like to wish you all a good Memorial Day Weekend as we remember those who put their lives on the line so we could live ours in freedom, and I would like to wish you all a great summer bathed in beautiful sunshine.

Let me re-emphasize that: I would like to wish you all a great sunny summer, but the National Weather Service, The Weather Channel, Accu-Weather, and Uncle George's corns all predict rain for the balance of the long weekend with temps never leaving the 60's (Reminds me of this radio station on 99.5 FM in New York which has never left the 60's. Sorry,that was just me going off on a rant!) and a LOOOOOOOOONG
hurricane season. Yeah, I know, the plants need it, but what about us  NON-plants who want to enjoy a nice nine-inning day baseball game, hmmm? This is UN-American!( I'd like to send a shout out to my New Jersey readers. You are definitely STRONGER THAN THE STORM! Sandy, Shmandy!)

I would also like to extend my sincerest condolences to my fellow New York Knicks fans as the Orange and
Blue head towards the golf course  (Prolly a nice club in Bermuda, 'cause they'd be unlikely to get a full game in in Wet-chester!) and wish the Indiana Pacers all the best. (Grumble,grumble.)

On the plus side, my beloved New York Rangers are still alive after surprising the Boston Bruins in overtime last night, or May 23, to be exact. This Saturday, the battle returns to BAHS-ton, and you can catch the action on NBC Sports Network  or on ESPN New York, locally on  98.7 FM and everywhere else on  (Just make sure you hit the "Listen Live" button!) In case you live in a blacked-out area, you can also listen on . LET'S GO RANGERS!

Last time, you may recall I waxed enthusiastic about ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE and their new incarnations as online soap operas. Well, as true soap opera fans know, something can happen that
change the way you think about the ones you love, and, in the case of AMC and OLTL, that something is called RATINGS. Yes, friends, the ratings gods have told AMC and OLTL their new fans would rather watch three episodes a week than the traditional five. Whatever happened to "Tune In Tomorrow?" Fortunately, Hulu has a classic soap you can ONLY watch online, and yes, friends, you CAN Tune In Tomorrow, or any time. CORONATION STREET, a British institution for five decades, is the longest-running soap in the world, thanks in a large part to its depiction of ordinary people in real life situations. It may not be DOWNTON ABBEY or Shakespeare, but it's filled to the brim with all the humor and drama for which the Brits are famous, which only begs one question: Fancy a pint at the Rover's? (Tune in to the STREET and you'll understand.)

I know I promised I'd tell you a little more about me. NEXT TIME, I promise! But I CAN tell you that this past Sunday, May 19th, I celebrated my birthday with a few close warm personal friends at Clyde Frazier's on Tenth Avenue between 37th and 38th in Manhattan, and let me tell you, if you want New American Cuisine served in a relaxed atmosphere with 47 TV's showing everything from basketball (Yes, friends, this is the SAME Clyde Frazier who led the 1970 and 1973 Knicks to victory!) to soccer, this place is a SLAM DUNK. (Let's go, Manchester City, and good luck with your new team, NYCFC, which you're running in conjunction, or as you say over there, in association with the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees! By the way, FC stands for Football Club, which is what they call soccer teams everywhere else in the world. Sure beats what the Giants and Jets called-Ha ha!-football this past season!)

Well, it's just about time to make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here, but thank you Nicole for reminding me to get off my bum (I've been talking about British sports and entertainment so much it's gone to my head!) and thank you for reading the "Rainy Days Before Memorial Day Always Get Me Down" portion of "Steve's Blog,"produced, written, and choreographed by Yours Truly, Steven Long Eisenpreis. Your comments and suggestions are ALWAYS welcome, and the opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Google, even though they might like to THINK they do. (Google owns, in case you didn't know.) This blog is sold by weight, not volume, some contents may have settled during shipping. (Just wanted to make sure you were still reading!) Portions of the preceding show were last seen heading in the direction of San Diego, where they HAVE remembered it's supposed to be the start of Summer! On behalf of the staff and management, this is your announcer reminding you the Indianapolis 500 is this Sunday. The good drivers will most likely be back next year, while the rest will probably be driving taxis on the streets of  New York and griping about the guys in front of them.

(On a serious note, if you want to help our friends in Oklahoma, call 1-800-HELP-NOW or visit )

Bye, Buckaroos!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Good morning, afternoon, or evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Dogs and Cats, and welcome to Steve's Blog, I am your host, and the aforementioned Steve, Steven Long Eisenpreis. We'll save the personal stuff, i.e. what I do for a living, what I think about politics, what I eat for breakfast, for my next pulse-pounding post, (Try saying THAT three times fast!) but first, I would like to talk about the upcoming TV season.


ALL MY CHILDREN and ONE LIFE TO LIVE, Weekdays on The Online Network, accessible via (TV-NR)

Yeah, I know,why watch daytime soaps when you have REVENGE, SCANDAL and REVOLUTION in prime time? I'll tell you Non-Believers why: The daytimers did it first and AMC and OLTL do it best. Certain characters may either have been killed off or left behind in GENERAL HOSPITAL's mythical town of  Port Charles due to copyright reasons, but The Online Network's parent company Prospect Park (named for the area near the ABC Television Center in Hollywood where AMC was taped and GH is taped) has brought back many of the beloved characters of years gone by. Now I know that about the only thing many soaps, even those on conventional over-the-air television, and "The Waltons" have in common is families, but, Ladies and Gentlemen Connected With Prospect Park, if any of you is within the sound of my voice,could you PLEASE tone down the sex and language? I get it, I get it, you don't have to answer to the FCC anymore, but show some restraint, OK?

ONCE UPON A TIME, Sundays at 8:00 PM on ABC (TV-PG and TV-14)

It's hard to believe that Once Upon A Time, I thought this show about beloved fairy tale characters who were cursed to live in the Real World was going to turn into a pumpkin and the other new ABC drama premiering at the time, PAN AM, about four stewardesses for The World's Most Experienced Airline as Pan American World Airways liked to call itself and their adventures during the Swinging Sixties,  was going to fly high, but the Great Gods of Nielsen decreed that ONCE should live to tell another tale and PAN AM cancel all flights due to passenger non-interest. When we first met the inhabitants of Storybrooke, we already 
knew teacher Mary Margaret Blanchard (Ginnifer Goodwin) was really Snow White, her husband David (Josh Dallas) was really Prince Charming, Sheriff Emma Swan (Jennifer Morrison) was the daughter Snow and the Prince left behind,and Mayor Regina Mills (Lana Parilla) was really the Evil Queen, but who is Henry ? (Jared S. Gilmore) Now the worst kept secret is out: According to the two-part season finale, (Part 1 was called "Second Star To The Right" and Part 2 "And Straight On Till Morning.")he's really PETER PAN! As this show is from two executive producers of LOST, naturally, it has that show's gift for storytelling that leaves you on the edge of your seat. If ONCE keeps it up, it will undoubtedly live happily ever after!


Alone again! The flagship of the CSI franchise does NOT need its local branches in Miami and New York! (Sorry, Bloomy!)

SCANDAL Thursdays at 10:00 PM on ABC (TV-14)

Contrary to popular opinion, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) did NOT jump the shark this year! If 2013 was any indication, 2014 will be so hot, you might have to put on SPF-45 before watching to avoid sunburn!



When will somebody give Matthew Perry a sitcom that people will actually  watch? Last year, ABC showed him as MR. SUNSHINE, the grouchy owner of a Florida sports arena, (One of his promotional brainstorms? HOMELESS FREE SKATE!) this year, NBC presented the mostly funny, sometimes sad story of a sports talk host who had to join a therapy group after the death of his wife, but despite clever writing and such great sports guests as Bob Costas and Terrell Owens,(not to mention  a solid cast led by Laura Benanti, last seen as the Bunny Mother on THE PLAYBOY CLUB) this show didn't get high enough ratings to persuade the Peacock Network to let this show GO ON!

THE OFFICE and 30 ROCK, both on NBC

I know, all good things must come to an end, but SERIOUSLY?!?


What IS it with NBC  and shows with "Rock" in the title?



In the past ten years, AMERICAN IDOL has fallen from the Cadillac of reality shows to the Edsel. This show is getting less attention for its prestigious alums and more attention for the constant bickering of its judges. Come back, Simon Cowell! All is forgiven!


This original morning news and entertainment broadcast has also fallen From First To Worst, and this slide could only be blamed on two things: Matt and Lauer. Sure, GMA also has its share of cat videos and puff pieces, but they also have REAL NEWS that Joe Sixpack and Jane Soccermom can use in their daily lives.
TODAY needs to get its head out of the sand and get some real news people on board. Does J. Fred Muggs have any living relatives? THEY could do a better job!


I never thought I'd say that, because I've been a huge fan since they signed on four years ago, but since the show A) moved to L.A., B)replaced Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd with Charissa Thompson and Marcellus Wiley and C) added an audience to ALL shows, it has become a shadow of its former self. To sum up, 3 Cheers for SN's mission to be a show of,by and for the fans, 3 Jeers for trying to hard to become a variety show, and  3 Tears for the simpler days before they got a house band, an audience section, and all those L.A. bumper photos that have very little to do with the big leaguers the show loves to praise and deconstruct.

DISH NATION Syndicated

This entertainment news/comedy show featuring Atlanta's Rickey Smiley and other nationally known radio DJ's dishing (hence the name) about the top stories of the day was at its best when the Big Apple's own Scott & Todd Big Show contributed the lunacy that has made it an audience favorite since 1991,but since they left the show has sunk to new lows. This Nation is NOT going to get off Scott-free!



It seemed like a good idea at the time, a sophisticated competitor to "Glee" set around the production of a musicalization of the glamorous life and tumultuous  times of Marilyn Monroe (which inspired me to book a Marilyn look-alike for my birthday party, details in my next post), but SMASH got smooshed by a soapy script and half-hearted acting from American Idol Katherine McPhee. The lights of Broadway will shine no more for THIS hit-turned-turkey!


I didn't trust this show either!


AB-normally bad!



Lewis Carroll would be proud! Last year we saw the Mad Hatter in one of the series' most intriguing story arcs, and I can't wait to see where it goes from here!


If you liked MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS, which I did, you'll love this one, starring Clark Gregg as Agent Phil Coulson. Don't Yield, Back S.H.I.E.L.D! Nuff said!


If you love the 80's, you'll love this one, TOE-tally!


Now THIS is must-see reality TV! Will Lindsay Vonn return to make some skiing headlines, for a change? Will the USA  Hockey Team pull off another Miracle On Ice? Will curling be cool again? Will Savannah Guthrie be able to anchor TODAY from Sochi without a last-minute intervention from Hoda Kotb? For the answer to these and other questions, (Insert snappy Electric Company-style gag question here.) tune in daily in Feburary.

Well, I see by the old clock on the wall that  I should start shutting this bad boy down, so, thank you Gretchen Muller, Nicole Vranzanian (of Madison Square Garden. LET'S GO RANGERS!) and Phoebe Cates (Yes, O Inquisitive One, the same Phoebe Cates who starred in "Gremlins 2!") for suggesting I start
a blog, and thank the rest of you for lending me your eyes. (Sounds a little creepy, I know, but this is a blog, not a radio show!)

The opinions expressed in this blog are mine and mine alone, comments and suggestions are welcome, no animals were harmed in the making of this blog, but a few farmers WERE slightly bruised! Portions of the preceding blog were performed live before a tape-recorded studio audience.

On  behalf of the management and staff, this is your announcer reminding you to donate to if you haven't done so already.  After all, if we didn't love them so much, we wouldn't hate the Bruins so much! LET'S GO RANGERS! BEAT THE BRUINS!

Bye Buckaroos!