SANTA STEVE'S NAUGHTY LIST
Hello, Happy Holidays and all the best for 2020 2.0, and welcome to a special WAY TOO EARLY edition of SANTA STEVE'S NAUGHTY LIST, the first of two year-end specials that countdown the Naughtiest and Nicest Newsmakers of the Year. In 2019, somebody who claimed to be the President of the United States won a nice king size lump of coal and Carroll Spinney, the man who made Big Bird and Oscar two of the most iconic heroes of childhood. Who deserves a Blue Christmas and who deserves a holiday just like the ones Der Bingle used to know? There's only one way to find out: Let the countdown begin!
10. MITCH McCONNELL
Because of him, certain people still run the Dog and Pony Show at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!
9. QUIBIBI
It seemed like a good idea at the time, a streaming service you could watch on your phone while waiting for the train or on your coffee break that didn't show programs with longer run times than fifteen minutes, but, for obvious reasons, that time has passed.
8. HBO MAX
HBO MAXed out is more like it! For obvious reasons, a lot of the new shows it staked its reputation on are either not available or cancelled forever. You shoulda waited!
7. JAMES DOLAN
As I keep reminding you people,I created this blog upon the recommendation of a friend who worked at Madison Square Garden, one of the main reasons why I hang my pointy little hat in the Murray Hill area of Manhattan. I LOVE those guys, or, at least I try to love these guys, but it was so forking hard to get an official statement from MSG CEO James Dolan on the tragic murder of George Floyd and racism in general, possibly because, according to ESPN's Tony Kornheiser, "Guitar Jimmy" (as New York Daily News sports media critic Bob Raissman calls him because of his side hustle as a blues guitarist) doesn't want to alienate his BFF Donald Trump. (Yep, THAT Donald Trump!) I know you guys are in the entertainment business, but so are LeBron James, Halsey, and the aforementioned Big Bird and THEY have addressed the issue!
6. KELLYANNE CONWAY
NO, Genius, COVID-19 is NOT the nineteenth iteration of COVID!
5. (tie) SEAN HANNITY, TUCKER CARLSON and LAURA INGRAHAM
First they interview Dr Fauci, Deborah Birks, and the Surgeon General and ask the COVID questions their viewers need answered, then they toe the party line that the left-stream media and the radical Dims are making a mountain out of a molehill. Whose side are you on, people?
2. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
They're playing baseball overseas and the NHL and NBA are trying to make up for lost time, so, to borrow a line from THE BAD NEWS BEARS IN "BREAKING TRAINING" (1977), "Why don't you get off your butts and play some ball?"
And the loser is...
THE CORONAVIRUS
(To the tune of "MR, GRINCH")
You're a mean one, Coronavirus!
You tore the world apart!
You upset enconomies, you have broken many hearts, Mr. C!
You could have let us have Barack, but you left us with that tired old (BEEP!)
You're a vile one, Coronavirus!
You are a racist slime!
You have caused unemployment and a lot of violent crime, Mr. C!
Go fly a kite that we ordered yesterday from Amazon Prime!
Last year we honored a man who gave the world sunny days. Who deserves to have Rudolph put his name in lights? The answer will be revealed in our next report!
Steve
