Saturday, October 31, 2015

144 Halloween...The Mets...The Marathon...A Bad Movie...HELP!

Once upon a time, one of my heroes, the one and only no baloney Stan "The Man" Lee, wrote an edition of his famous Soapbox, the editorial-cum-pitch meeting that appeared in Marvel Comics from the 1960's to the 70's and again in the 80's and 90's, during which he confessed he had nothing to say!

Well, ladies and germs, to borrow from another one of my heroes, Mr. Milton Berle, I'm not going to have that problem in this, the one-hundredth-and-forty-fourth edition of the Blog. I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to talk about, I don't know where to start!

Actually, I do. I would like to wish everybody within the sound of my voice a very happy and safe Halloween, whether you plan to go out trick-or-treating with the princesses and Jedi Knights, put on your own costume and go out clubbing or to an event similar to New York's Greenwich Village Halloween Parade, (Good luck to this year's sponsors, Time Warner Cable News NY 1 and Z100, this year's Grand Marshall, The Most Interesting Man In The World, and all the people marching in their finery.) or just stay at home and avoid the whole thing by popping in a DVD of "White Christmas."

Speaking of Halloween and movies, one of the perks of my job as a blogger is I get to see bad movies so you won't have to. One of those turkeys (OK, I know, that's a month away, but hear me out, alright?) was released in '04 and is one of those Grade Z stinkeroos foisted upon well-meaning local stations looking for content by Screen Media Ventures,Inc., a company that CLAIMS to "acquire the rights to high-quality independent feature films." (If this is the case, I would hate to see their LOW-quality films!) Its name is SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER (an obvious play on "Santa's Little Helper", the greyhound the Simpson family got for Christmas in their very first show) and the plot concerns a 5th-grade boy who's heavily into this terrible video game called (You guessed it!) "Satan's Little Helper", his mom (Amanda Plummer, daughter of Christopher Plummer and a veteran of MUCH better movies), his dad who comes to their small town to visit for Halloween, his hottie big sister who he wants to marry, (Insescstious little rugrat!) her fiance, and this LOVABLE guy who looks a lot like Satan in the game but turns out to be (BIG SURPRISE!) a serial killer. The kid is fascinated by the game, he hates the fiance, he meets up with Satan and wants to be (DUH!) his little helper, the hottie, a drama major, forgets her costume but borrows Mom's (a Renaissance strumpet), Mom is supposed to meet Dad for a big Halloween do, (She's supposed to be Chiquita Banana, he's supposed to be an elf.) the fiance, who our rugrat hero hates to little bitty pieces, takes the brat into town where he meets "Satan" who attempts to kill him and takes the brat under his wing,"Satan" buys a whole lot of unpleasant things to spike the trick-or-treat candy and plays hide-and-seek with  Ye Comely Renaissance Harlot who later gets wise after hearing media reports that a serial killer (Yep, jolly old Satan) has been robbing stores and killing cops like it's going out of style). Giving the kid her headpiece as something to remember her by if she doesn't make it out alive, she hooks up with the fiance and they follow the Bad Guy to the party Mom was supposed to attend with Dad before the B.G. offed him and....

YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!! (I also yawn so you won't have to.)

The bottom line is, this flopperoo doesn't look like anything you haven't seen before from a writer or director clearly capable of something better. The less said about it, the MUCH better!

Just when the Kansas City Royals thought it was safe to go back to New York, the Mets ATTACK! Noah Synegard, the pitching phenom from Norway, showed his loyal fans why he is worthy of the nickname THOR. Like the Thunder God of ancient Asgard, today's Thor humiliated his heartland adversaries with incredible power and led his teammates to a memorable 9-5 victory. Move over Bronx Bombers! It's time for the FLUSHING AVENGERS to assemble! Tonight, the Mets and Royals return to do battle and in my opinion, another victory on enemy turf is NOT out of the question! LET'S GO METS!

Finally, good luck to all runners in the 2015 TCS New York City Marathon tomorrow, ESPECIALLY those who aren't Ethiopian! Do NOT get me wrong, I am NOT a racist, I just think it's time somebody ELSE won, especially an American. May the strongest person win, and get some sleep 'Kay? (Daylight Savings Time ends at 2 AM, so set your clocks accordingly.)

Have a spooktacular Halloween, and I hope the Great Pumpkin gives you everything you want this year! (I know I'm a little mixed-up, but anybody out there excited for the new Peanuts Movie next month?)

Steve out!

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