BE IT HEREBY RESOLVED, THAT I, STEVEN LONG EISENPREIS, WILL, IN THE YEAR TWO-THOUSAND-AND-FOURTEEN...
1. Start this blog by welcoming Bosnia and Herzegovina aboard,saying "Bonjour France et Quebec" and "Hello all you hosers in Tronna, eh?" and also saying, "Ceud mille failte, Eirann!" ("A hundred thousand welcomes, Ireland!") Hope you guys can stick around for St. Patrick's Day!
2. Remember that this country started when we rejected a King and boycott all restaurants with King,Queen and Castle in their name! (Also, my trainer doesn't like them!)
3. Apologize to Bill deBlasio for everything bad I said about him last year, especially after his performance on Inauguration Day. (Carriage horses is where I draw the line! They've been a part of this city since ever, and getting rid of them is like giving the Statue of Liberty Jimmy Choos! I'm not so crazy about his intention to ban large sodas either!)
4. Honor the commitment of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on his birthday by (A) doing my Spring cleaning two months early and (B) uniting my fellow rejected authors to work for the day when no book will be rejected, so-called "self-publishers" will start referring to themselves as "publishing assistants", charge more reasonable rates, and recognize bloggers and authors who take their manuscripts to their local copy center and sell them locally and through mail order as true self publishers.
5. Stand by my teams even though they stink to High Heaven!
6. Continue to give my readers the best dang journalism in the blogosphere, and, once in a while, deliver that one-two punch that will keep people talking for weeks!
7. Deliver that one-two punch no later than Washington's Birthday weekend. After all, the two biggest weeks in sports, (the Sochi Olympics and our own Big Game) are coming up in the next two weeks, and we don't want to steal their thunder, now do we? (EVEN THOUGH my beloved Niners and tolerated Patriots are nowhere near attending the Massacre in the Meadowlands. SOB! I would like to apologize to the Seattle Seahawks for drinking the "Sea-Chickens" Kool-Aid. They proved they were anything but!)
8. Apologize to my readers for being late with my resolutions, but I've been experimenting with Google's new Chrome Canary Browser, and I've been TRYING AND TRYING to find the Google now feature. (In case you haven't been keeping track, that's the Googster's attempt to compete with Apple's Suri personal search feature.) It WILL be mine! Ah yes, it WILL be mine!
9. Wrap up my blogs by saying something short and sweet like...