WHERE IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING I HOLD SACRED DID CANADA,SERBIA, INDONESIA,BELGIUM, AND POLAND GO?!?!?
I know, they're still on the map, but they have all disappeared from the Steve's Blog audience. I sure hope I haven't pirouetted over the sea-dwelling mammal, or, to put it another way, "jumped the shark!"
By the way, I have more readers in Russia than I do in the good old USA. WHAT IN BENJAMIN FRANKLIN'S NAME IS UP WITH THAT?!?!? I DO love my Russian readers, although VERY recent events HAVE made me a little bit concerned, but YOU'RE ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO HAVE MORE FANS IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY! America, TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO GO TO steveneisenpreis.blogspot.com AND READ STEVE'S BLOG! It's your PATRIOTIC DUTY! (BTW, tell Uncle Dudley in Toronto, Cousin Jerzy in Warsaw, your Cousin Joe from Chicago who moved to Brussels to complete his Smurf collection. and those distant relatives in Jakarta and in Belgrade that we want THEM back too!)
IN OTHER NEWS,congratulations to New York Yankee captain Derek Jeter on driving home the winning run in yesterday's home game against the Tampa Bay Rays. Reports of his professional demise have been greatly exaggerated! Alex "Lightning Rod" Rodriguez? Not so much. Major League Baseball has presented him with two options: Take a bonus and get docked a year, or just plain leave baseball forever. If I were you, A-Rod, I'd take the latter. But don't think it hasn't been a barrel of laughs. IT HASN'T!
I have had the pleasure to know people in virtually all walks of life, but some of my best friends were once FAST FOOD WORKERS! I know, about all you do is put on a dorky uniform,slap a patty on the grill, and ask the customers if they'd like fries with that, (Some of my friends even go so far to compare fast food workers to drug dealers.) but agree or agree to disagree, you have to respect their American right to hit the streets and demand the right to strike and livable wages. Guess THEY deserve a break! Any walking hash-slingers out there? Tweet me @SEisenpreis #NotLovinIt and if I like your tweet, I'll make a donation in your name to the USO, (http://www.uso.org) an organization that doesn't just TALK about supporting our troops, but puts its money where its mouth is. Mebbe our troops are more important than fast food workers, but they both SERVE humanity!
Some of the people I've had the pleasure to know have been radio DJ's, and although I never met him personally, many of them had the pleasure to know a veteran gabber from Dallas named David "Kidd" Kraddick. On the air, he had a very irreverent personality and loved to knock the wind from the sails of any celeb named Kardashian, but, off the air, he cared about the people in his community, the little people in particular. As a matter of fact, this past weekend, he was supposed to host a charity golf tournament to benefit his organization, Kidd's Kids, but when people noticed he didn't look well, he was rushed to a hospital where, at the all-too-young age of 53, he was taken from our midst by a brain aneursym and heart trouble. Kidd was heard on more than 100 radio stations coast-to-coast and seen on almost as many TV stations as part of the syndicated DISH NATION. Now those golden tones have gone silent, and Heaven is about to become a funnier place. Adios, amigo, and thank you for the music. (And the laughs.)
That's all for now, but I hope to see you all back here soon! (This means YOU, Canada, Belgium, Serbia, Indonesia and Poland!)
Bye, Buckaroos!
Steve
Monday, July 29, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
In Praise of George
George.
Let us repeat that name.
George.
Let us sample how it rolls off the tongue.
George.
Sounds musical, does it?
George, George, George of the Jungle, (sound of phonograph needle skipping)
ANNNNNND I think that's all we'll do with that without getting sued for copyright infringement.
George was our first President, a Beatle, two Presidents Bush,the pater familias of the Jetsons, an old friend who got me my apartment, and now
George (Louis Alexander Cambridge) is the future King of England.
Congratulations, Your Royal Highness.
I bet you wouldn't trade your new handle for Dweezil or Moon Unit.
I think it's real George.
Should I change the name of the Blog to George's Blog?
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Still Steve
Let us repeat that name.
George.
Let us sample how it rolls off the tongue.
George.
Sounds musical, does it?
George, George, George of the Jungle, (sound of phonograph needle skipping)
ANNNNNND I think that's all we'll do with that without getting sued for copyright infringement.
George was our first President, a Beatle, two Presidents Bush,the pater familias of the Jetsons, an old friend who got me my apartment, and now
George (Louis Alexander Cambridge) is the future King of England.
Congratulations, Your Royal Highness.
I bet you wouldn't trade your new handle for Dweezil or Moon Unit.
I think it's real George.
Should I change the name of the Blog to George's Blog?
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Still Steve
Monday, July 22, 2013
TWO GREAT THINGS!
First of all, welcome to Planet Earth, O Anonymous Baby Boy born to William and Kate! May you be physically and morally strong, a wise leader to your people, and a fit successor to the Queen Mum, and may you NEVER do a reality show! (Especially for Ryan Seacrest Productions!)
Secondly,Welkom, Belgie! Bienvenue en Belgique! Yes, friends, the newest Steve's Blog country is Belgium, the land of a brand new king and the home of a certain tribe of 100 little blue elves, only three apples tall. If you guessed the Snorks, sorry, bud, you're all wet! (Come to think of it, so were the Snorks, since they lived underwater.) If you guessed the Smurfs,you are correct, O Great One! (Since AMC is now rerunning Carson, I figured now would be the perfect time to pull my Ed McMahon impression out of mothballs. I know, you can't hear it, but I'm just sayin'!)
Their last live-action movie, THE SMURFS, debuted to a chorus of disapproval. I was one of those movie goers who did his best Grouchy Smurf, standing outside the theatre arms akimbo and a scowl on my face and shouting, "I HATE this movie!"
This year, to mark the Smurfs' 55th anniversary, (I celebrated MY 55th anniversary two months ago! What a coinkydink!) THE SMURFS 2 is being released with the voices of Katy Perry (Smurfette) George Lopez (Grouchy) Fred Armisen (Brainy),Alan Cumming (Gutsy),and Anton Yelchin (Clumsy) reprising their roles,
along with the late great Jonathan Winters performing Papa Smurf for, unfortunately, the last time, along with a tribe of Bizarro Smurfs unleashed upon an unsuspecting world by the Smurfs' deadliest foe, the evil, gold-craving, Smurf-soup-wanting GARGAMEL (Hank Azaria) called the Naughties, led by an Anti-Smurfette called Vexy, voiced by Christina Ricci. The last time many of us saw Christina Ricci, she could have easily been mistaken for a Smurfette as she wore the world famous blue stewardess uniform of Pan American World Airways on the tragically shortlived TV show PAN AM. I was hoping Christina would reprise her role as Maggie, the Bohemian who once said she identified more with Gatsby than with Daisy,by somehow slipping the CGI Smurfs into a recreation of the Belgian Village at the 1964-1965 New York World's Fair
and having them hide from Gargamel inside the pages of "Spirou," the Belgian comics weekly that introduced them to the world, BUT, to paraphrase Dick Cheney, you see the movie you've got, not the movie you want. Once I see the Smurf movie "we've got," I promise a full review.
Anyway, welcome aboard, Belgium! I think this is the beginning of a smurfy friendship!
Smurf you later!
Steve
Secondly,Welkom, Belgie! Bienvenue en Belgique! Yes, friends, the newest Steve's Blog country is Belgium, the land of a brand new king and the home of a certain tribe of 100 little blue elves, only three apples tall. If you guessed the Snorks, sorry, bud, you're all wet! (Come to think of it, so were the Snorks, since they lived underwater.) If you guessed the Smurfs,you are correct, O Great One! (Since AMC is now rerunning Carson, I figured now would be the perfect time to pull my Ed McMahon impression out of mothballs. I know, you can't hear it, but I'm just sayin'!)
Their last live-action movie, THE SMURFS, debuted to a chorus of disapproval. I was one of those movie goers who did his best Grouchy Smurf, standing outside the theatre arms akimbo and a scowl on my face and shouting, "I HATE this movie!"
This year, to mark the Smurfs' 55th anniversary, (I celebrated MY 55th anniversary two months ago! What a coinkydink!) THE SMURFS 2 is being released with the voices of Katy Perry (Smurfette) George Lopez (Grouchy) Fred Armisen (Brainy),Alan Cumming (Gutsy),and Anton Yelchin (Clumsy) reprising their roles,
along with the late great Jonathan Winters performing Papa Smurf for, unfortunately, the last time, along with a tribe of Bizarro Smurfs unleashed upon an unsuspecting world by the Smurfs' deadliest foe, the evil, gold-craving, Smurf-soup-wanting GARGAMEL (Hank Azaria) called the Naughties, led by an Anti-Smurfette called Vexy, voiced by Christina Ricci. The last time many of us saw Christina Ricci, she could have easily been mistaken for a Smurfette as she wore the world famous blue stewardess uniform of Pan American World Airways on the tragically shortlived TV show PAN AM. I was hoping Christina would reprise her role as Maggie, the Bohemian who once said she identified more with Gatsby than with Daisy,by somehow slipping the CGI Smurfs into a recreation of the Belgian Village at the 1964-1965 New York World's Fair
and having them hide from Gargamel inside the pages of "Spirou," the Belgian comics weekly that introduced them to the world, BUT, to paraphrase Dick Cheney, you see the movie you've got, not the movie you want. Once I see the Smurf movie "we've got," I promise a full review.
Anyway, welcome aboard, Belgium! I think this is the beginning of a smurfy friendship!
Smurf you later!
Steve
CONGRATULATIONS! It's A...
THE BABY IS HAVING A DUCHESS!
THE BUCHESS IS HAVING A DABY!
I hope SOMEBODY over in the UK, one of the countries that dumped this fine blog (GRUMBLE GRUMBLE), is reading this, because, after weeks and months of speculation, Kate Middleton,the Duchess of Cambridge, is FINALLY in labor. Of course, since this is Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, and not Kate Bernstein of Duchess County, we may not know the really MUY IMPORTANTE stuff about the baby for days, such as the gender, the name,or whether (s)he prefers Pampers or Huggies,but at least this baby is NOT going to be a Kardashian, and we can be all happy for that.
Stay tuned!
Steve
THE BUCHESS IS HAVING A DABY!
I hope SOMEBODY over in the UK, one of the countries that dumped this fine blog (GRUMBLE GRUMBLE), is reading this, because, after weeks and months of speculation, Kate Middleton,the Duchess of Cambridge, is FINALLY in labor. Of course, since this is Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, and not Kate Bernstein of Duchess County, we may not know the really MUY IMPORTANTE stuff about the baby for days, such as the gender, the name,or whether (s)he prefers Pampers or Huggies,but at least this baby is NOT going to be a Kardashian, and we can be all happy for that.
Stay tuned!
Steve
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Ruh-Roh, Raggy! (An in-joke for all you Scooby-Doo fans.)
I just realized, I LOST POLAND! What's up with that? Did you see me make EVEN ONE POLISH JOKE?!?
That's what you get for trusting a country where they stand on long lines to buy bread!
OK, Poland, since you threw me in the Dumpster, you've left me with no other choice:
Why don't Poles have freckles?
They keep falling off their faces!
What do 1492 and 1776 have in common?
They're adjoining rooms at the Warsaw Hilton!
And let this be a lesson to you, Poland! Start reading me again or I'm going to start quoting Archie Bunker!
(Come to think of it, I wash my hands of this whole Poland business! Ann Curry, it seems they'd rather talk to YOU! They're YOUR problem now!)
Steve
(All kidding aside, I hope Ann Curry returns Stateside to the TODAY show. Since she left for Poland, they've gone to You-Know-Where in a handbasket! But I STILL hate being dumped by Poland!)
That's what you get for trusting a country where they stand on long lines to buy bread!
OK, Poland, since you threw me in the Dumpster, you've left me with no other choice:
Why don't Poles have freckles?
They keep falling off their faces!
What do 1492 and 1776 have in common?
They're adjoining rooms at the Warsaw Hilton!
And let this be a lesson to you, Poland! Start reading me again or I'm going to start quoting Archie Bunker!
(Come to think of it, I wash my hands of this whole Poland business! Ann Curry, it seems they'd rather talk to YOU! They're YOUR problem now!)
Steve
(All kidding aside, I hope Ann Curry returns Stateside to the TODAY show. Since she left for Poland, they've gone to You-Know-Where in a handbasket! But I STILL hate being dumped by Poland!)
Good Night, Canada!
What is it with me and CANADA?!? One week I welcome them back, the next week, they dump me again! If you remember the fantasy sequences on "Ally McBeal," when Ally dumped a guy, they always showed the unlikely fella running for his life before ultimately landing in the dump truck, and it seems that I'm back in the dump truck with the Maple Leaf painted on the side.
What's up with you,Canada? (Oh, by the way, that title refers to an in-joke from ESPN's PTI: PARDON THE INTERRUPTION when their Canadian affiliate, TSN, cut away from the last five minutes of the show and the hosts, Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, started saying nasty, but justifiably nasty, things about Canada. TSN subsequently changed its mind and started broadcasting PTI in all its glory. Now every show ends with Tony waving the Maple Leaf and saying, "Good night, Canada!" Now, back to the rant.) Did you hear me, even ONCE, taking a page from 96.3 WDVD morning jock Blaine Fowler's book and calling you
"America,Jr." or "Britain,Jr.?" I DO and DO and DO for you guys, and THIS is the thanks I get?!?
OK, Canada, if THIS doesn't get you back, nothing else will:
STEVE'S PEERLESS PIGSKIN PREDICTIONS
CFL Grey Cup 2013
EDMONTON 17
TORONTO 52
And you can take that to the bank!
Thank you for listening, now PLEASE start reading this blog again!
As for you, my fellow Americans, and the fine folks of Germany,Russia,Poland,Serbia,Indonesia and Holland, keep up the great work and I'll see you back here soon!
Steve
What's up with you,Canada? (Oh, by the way, that title refers to an in-joke from ESPN's PTI: PARDON THE INTERRUPTION when their Canadian affiliate, TSN, cut away from the last five minutes of the show and the hosts, Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, started saying nasty, but justifiably nasty, things about Canada. TSN subsequently changed its mind and started broadcasting PTI in all its glory. Now every show ends with Tony waving the Maple Leaf and saying, "Good night, Canada!" Now, back to the rant.) Did you hear me, even ONCE, taking a page from 96.3 WDVD morning jock Blaine Fowler's book and calling you
"America,Jr." or "Britain,Jr.?" I DO and DO and DO for you guys, and THIS is the thanks I get?!?
OK, Canada, if THIS doesn't get you back, nothing else will:
STEVE'S PEERLESS PIGSKIN PREDICTIONS
CFL Grey Cup 2013
EDMONTON 17
TORONTO 52
And you can take that to the bank!
Thank you for listening, now PLEASE start reading this blog again!
As for you, my fellow Americans, and the fine folks of Germany,Russia,Poland,Serbia,Indonesia and Holland, keep up the great work and I'll see you back here soon!
Steve
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Detroit Begins A New Chapter: Chapter 9*
Ladies and gentlemen, the Motor City is bankrupt.
I hope things don't get to the point they were when a certain William Howard Cohen (who the late, great New York sportswriter Jimmy Cannon said, changed his name to Howard Cosell and bought a toupee so he could "tell it like it is," but, hey, he made money for ABC!) looked over the third base wall of Yankee Stadium and intoned in stentorian tones, "Ladies and gentlemen, THE BRONX IS BURNING," but while New York's Big Bust and what Detroit is going through, are, in a way, very similar, they are also very different.
Both New York and Detroit are major centers of activity, we are famous for our theatre,our long history in film and television, and our continuing argument with London as to who is truly the world's financial capital,
and Detroit is the home of the Big Three automakers, and the performers who sang the songs that went down in musical history, but that's where we part company.
Love them or hate them, you've gotta admit, New York mayors GET. THINGS. DONE. Kwame Kilpatrick, the esteemed mayor of Detroit? Not so much.
Through good times and bad, New York theater has consistently entertained locals and tourists alike,and New York has benefited from motion picture and television production, and despite a well-publicized headline in the Daily News, (FORD TO CITY...DROP DEAD) and the tragic attacks of September 11th, this city has never been one to back away from a fight and has always managed to land on its feet. But Detroit lives and dies with the automotive industry, which has been faced more than ever by challenges from Britain, Germany, even from Detroit's sister city in Japan, Toyota City!
While the Detroit Historical Society, the Detroit Institute of Art, the Henry Ford Museum, and the Motown Museum may be worth the trip, our museums pull in more visitors per capita, and it goes without saying that they are more accessible and secure.
I almost followed my fellow Ranger fans to Detroit for the 1990 NHL Booster Club Convention, even to this day, I don't remember why I didn't go, even though the hotel was located right near the town's glittering Renaissance Center, which was named for the Motor City's recovery from the downward spiral that resulted from the 1967 race riots. You know what? Maybe it's just as well.
I'm not saying, go to Travelocity, Hotwire, Expedia, or your local travel pro and book your trip to Detroit today because Heaven knows they need the money, neither am I saying, don't EVER go to Detroit, just wait until their latest models come to an auto show near you or see MOTOWN: THE MUSICAL on Broadway,
(Full Disclosure; This reviewer HAS NOT seen MOTOWN yet, but once he knows what it's like in person, so will you.) Patience, as they say, is a virtue, and, in time, Detroit will be the tourist magnet New York is. Now is not that time.
*Chapter 9 is the highest level of municipal bankruptcy. Chapter 11 is the highest level of corporate bankruptcy.
(OBTW, selamat datang kembali, Indonesia! It's so nice to have you back where you belong!)
Get well soon, Detroit! How did you Detroiters like this New Yorker's side of things?Visit the comment box, leave a message on Facebook, or send me a tweet @SEisenpreis
Steve
.
)
I hope things don't get to the point they were when a certain William Howard Cohen (who the late, great New York sportswriter Jimmy Cannon said, changed his name to Howard Cosell and bought a toupee so he could "tell it like it is," but, hey, he made money for ABC!) looked over the third base wall of Yankee Stadium and intoned in stentorian tones, "Ladies and gentlemen, THE BRONX IS BURNING," but while New York's Big Bust and what Detroit is going through, are, in a way, very similar, they are also very different.
Both New York and Detroit are major centers of activity, we are famous for our theatre,our long history in film and television, and our continuing argument with London as to who is truly the world's financial capital,
and Detroit is the home of the Big Three automakers, and the performers who sang the songs that went down in musical history, but that's where we part company.
Love them or hate them, you've gotta admit, New York mayors GET. THINGS. DONE. Kwame Kilpatrick, the esteemed mayor of Detroit? Not so much.
Through good times and bad, New York theater has consistently entertained locals and tourists alike,and New York has benefited from motion picture and television production, and despite a well-publicized headline in the Daily News, (FORD TO CITY...DROP DEAD) and the tragic attacks of September 11th, this city has never been one to back away from a fight and has always managed to land on its feet. But Detroit lives and dies with the automotive industry, which has been faced more than ever by challenges from Britain, Germany, even from Detroit's sister city in Japan, Toyota City!
While the Detroit Historical Society, the Detroit Institute of Art, the Henry Ford Museum, and the Motown Museum may be worth the trip, our museums pull in more visitors per capita, and it goes without saying that they are more accessible and secure.
I almost followed my fellow Ranger fans to Detroit for the 1990 NHL Booster Club Convention, even to this day, I don't remember why I didn't go, even though the hotel was located right near the town's glittering Renaissance Center, which was named for the Motor City's recovery from the downward spiral that resulted from the 1967 race riots. You know what? Maybe it's just as well.
I'm not saying, go to Travelocity, Hotwire, Expedia, or your local travel pro and book your trip to Detroit today because Heaven knows they need the money, neither am I saying, don't EVER go to Detroit, just wait until their latest models come to an auto show near you or see MOTOWN: THE MUSICAL on Broadway,
(Full Disclosure; This reviewer HAS NOT seen MOTOWN yet, but once he knows what it's like in person, so will you.) Patience, as they say, is a virtue, and, in time, Detroit will be the tourist magnet New York is. Now is not that time.
*Chapter 9 is the highest level of municipal bankruptcy. Chapter 11 is the highest level of corporate bankruptcy.
(OBTW, selamat datang kembali, Indonesia! It's so nice to have you back where you belong!)
Get well soon, Detroit! How did you Detroiters like this New Yorker's side of things?Visit the comment box, leave a message on Facebook, or send me a tweet @SEisenpreis
Steve
.
)
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